Silvio's Minister for the Family

Berlusconi is likely to appoint Mara Carfagna, a former Miss Italy contestant and Forza Italia party activist, as Minister for the Family. Silvio has promised to appoint women to a third of his cabinet posts. Obviously he is a feminist...

Forza Italia : Silvio on Women

Guido has a soft spot for Silvio and is looking forward to his return to power, not least because he comes out with crackers like this:

"The left has no taste, not even when it comes to women... As for ours being more beautiful, I say that because in parliament they have no competition."

Guido thinks he has a point, and old Silvio knows a thing or two about women. It seems like only yesterday that a paparazzo got a long lens shot of the pocket billionaire canoodling with a couple of young women.

Conservative women age better than lefty ladies claims Silvio. Maybe it is because they give personal grooming a higher priority, wear more expensive clothes, spend more on cosmetics and at their hairdressers, or just have better taste - who knows? Heterosexual men have little understanding of the mechanics, they just admire the result. Of course there are splendid exceptions, however in general, once they get past thirty, the best beauties are more interested in their stock portfolios than social justice. No doubt this will be condemned as a thoughtcrime, it is still true though.

Who Had Dinner With Dave?

The Sunday Mirror's strange story that a "senior female TV journalist" had allegedly overheard Dave say to his daughter Nancy 'you look like you've fallen out of a council flat', is so very full of holes. The un-named source was said to have subsequently denied the story to her intermediary, as does Dave himself most emphatically. Rumours went around that ITN's Cathy Newman was the ultimate source of the story. Guido put the rumour to her directly, she also said emphatically that she had never been to Sam and Dave's place and it definitely wasn't her. So who could it be? The story has not been stood up and probably won't be, yet it might be if we knew the person concerned. Why was the Mirror so shy?

Speculation has now shifted towards Newsnight's Emily Maitilis - the glossy leggy totty was briefly a contributing editor to the Speccie before the BBC commissars ruled that to be an unacceptable sideline. Do any co-conspirators know if she socialises with Sam and Dave?

UPDATE : A Guido foot soldier emails to point out that Emily told The Observer last year that "I have decided to embrace the new green strategy as exemplified by the Conservatives. I have worked out I can quite happily jog the distance to work as long as I hail a cab first and leave my high heels on the back seat. In the interest of furthering the green cause, I have put a call in to David Cameron to ask if he wants to do a shoe car pool on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. Surely they wouldn't mind sharing a back seat? Mine are neat, pointed and well-behaved. The red ones always wear a seatbelt and never get sick."

Totty Watch : By Request, Black & White Ball (Men)

N.B. Guido was not actually in attendance so the person demanding transparency about a Guido donation to the Tory party is barking up the wrong tree. It was held on Ash Wednesday, the first Day of Lent, a day which Catholics observe by fasting, abstinence from meat, and repentance—a day of contemplating one's transgressions. Something tells Guido politicians are not anywhere near ready to repent...

Totty Watch : Black & White Tory Ball

Gordon Earns Himself a Blue Peter Badge

As markets plunged yesterday George Bush convened a White House summit to push an emergency $150 billion growth stimulus package through Congress in weeks. He called in heavyweight politicians for a bipartisan effort. Elsewhere in Washington an emergency meeting of the Federal Reserve slashed interest rates 75 basis points in an effort to shore up global markets fearing recession. What does Gordon do?

He takes time out to appear on Blue Peter to wish Konnie Huq good luck in her next job. Yes, the Prime Minister has his own weird sense of priorities.

Weaning News

The first Ms Fawkes was weaned in a weekend and took to the bottle like her father. We were spending the summer in France and French baby formula is creamy rich. Her eyes lit up, she grabbed the bottle and mum retired to take some paracetamol. Her mother's services were no longer required.

The second daughter is very different, she is six months old and treats the bottle with contempt. Mother is sleeping in the spare room, Father Fawkes is sharing a bedroom with baby and cot. Any sight of mother results in tears and cries demanding mother's milk and only mother's milk. Her father proffering a bottle is treated with total contempt. Her eyes say "Where are the boobs?" The bottle is spat out, hours pass, much baby formula is spilt. It occurs to Guido that the reason nobody has written a "Father's Guide to Baby Weaning" is because they were just too tired to write it.

Sleep deprivation is a recognised means of breaking interrogation subjects. The lack of contiguous sleep eventually dissolves the subjects will and mental powers. Guido is too tired to even want alcohol...

Le Totty Watch : Sarko's Supermodel

Guido likes Sarkozy. His missus dumps him after conducting a not-so-discreet affair. Is he humiliated and downhearted? No, he pulls Carla Bruni, a super-model. Good work fella...

Here in Ireland even separated Bertie Ahern has been frolicking with his fancy-woman despite being mired in corruption investigations - the former Finance Minister is trying to explain away why he had no bank account and literally bundles of cash from property developers.

It makes one wonder. If Gordon got the push from Sarah, what would he do? Would he pull a super-model? Who would make a good partner for Gordon Brown?

Bye Bye Westmonster, Hello Whirlwind

We say farewell to Sadie at Westmonster. Her star shone bright briefly before Guido saw her off. Whatever happened to the Honourable Fiend?

We now say hello to another girly political gossip from the Westminster Whirlwind (a.k.a. Katy Taylor-Richards). Her new blog for the Express this week takes a look at some of Dessie Swayne's moves.

They do say write about what you know...

Totty Watch : Xmas Tory Totty

They did invite Guido to the Conservative Future Xmas party but alas it seems the only girls an old rake like Guido sees nowadays are his own progeny.

Still this came in an email and it would be a shame not to share...

Totty Watch : Hilary Not Humping Huma

That alleged line from Bill Clinton in his former mistress' book Sleeping With the President: My Intimate Years With Bill Clinton by Gennifer Flowers, where he is said to have claimed that Hillary "has probably eaten more pussy than I have" has now gone mainstream thanks to the London Times.

The U.S. political gossip blogs are now re-telling the story. The story is about Hilary's aide, the hot-looking totty, Huma Abedin (pictured), with whom she is alleged to be having an affair. Hilary's campaign says "it is not even a tabloid trash story".If Hilary Clinton says it is tabloid trash, it must be trash, right? Mind you, that is exactly what she said about Monica Lewinsky and come to think of it, Gennifer Flower's affair with Bill...

Not much to report this morning, Ming has hinted that the Huhnie monsters could have been behind his demise. Huhne himself is expected to launch his campaign today. The Cleggies are texting all and sundry - Shane Greer has a screenshot of the hastily hidden, soon-to-be launched Clegg campaign site.

Some are speculating that the 29 year-old Julia Goldsworthy might run as a marker for the future. So after arguing for 18 months that age (he was 66) and experience (of sprinting) trumped looks and charisma, they could switch to a photogenic reality TV show contestant as leader - Julia is 40/1 on Betfair. Excellent idea, it couldn't be any worse...

UPDATE : A co-conspirator says she has told her local rag she definitely won't be running. Boo.

UPDATE II : John Hemming, who has confirmed he wants to run, is a mere 180 /1 on Betfair. He tells Guido he expects to get 5 nominations already!

UPDATE III : Vince Cable has ruled himself out this morning. Telling Nick Robinson that given "the current irrational prejudice about age... an older candidate is not electable". Rationally, the 64 year-old slaphead is almost indistinguishable from Ming to voters.

UPDATE IV : Steve Webb says he has enough nominations, but is coming over all coy and pretending he is not sure if he really wants to run.

Totty Watch : Polish Women's Party

This poster for the upcoming Polish elections on behalf of the Women's Party (Partia Kobiet) has the slogan: "Everything for the future... and nothing to hide." Which, typically of politicians, is a barefaced lie since they seem to be hiding behind a poster.

"We are beautiful, nude, proud. We are true and sincere, body and soul. This is not pornography, there is nothing to see in terms of sex, our faces are intelligent, concerned, proud. We do not have our mouths open nor our eyes closed... All that interests us is the future, the position of women in society. We will open the archives of the former secret communist agents, we will make known their corrupt affairs," says party president Manuela Gretkowska. Naked anti-communism? Gets Guido's vote...

Hat-tip : Raincoaster

Totty Watch : Who are these Policy Wonks?

Recess Monkey* is having a bit of fun with some Tory girls in the back of a car. The new Tory Stand Up, Speak Up site has three videos with these nice girls on a 40 minute car journey discussing Conservative policies, Pete André and Jordan, Grazia magazine and Victoria Beckham.

He mocks them. Guido wants to remind you that it is Recess Monkey who during the Labour deputy elections directed an eight part interview with Hilary and Tony Benn waffling in semi-darkness into a video camera controlled by a Parkinson's sufferer. (Surprisingly Hilary didn't win the leadership election.)

Like the Monkey, Guido too wants to know, who are the girls?

*According to a recent ICM survey 5 times as many MPs read Guido as Recess Monkey.

Totty Watch : Remind You of Maggie?

The on/off Margaret Thatcher movie from Oliver Stone, the maker of JFK, is rumoured to be on, with the gorgeous Sienna Miller to play the young Margaret Thatcher. Just in case anyone accuses Guido of sexism, note that the pictures (from Layer Cake) are from her memorable scene with Daniel Craig, the male totty d'jour. He has not been lined up to play Dennis...

click to enlarge

Totty Watch : LibDems Stripping Here

LibDem councillor Myrna Bushell has her own professional website. From it Guido learns that she is "is a very sexy auburn professional multi-talented adult entertainer..." where she boasts that she has recently appeared in Razzle and Fiesta Magazines, (nothing to do with Lord Razzle presumably).

She can strip off various costumes including traditional "French Maid, Schoolgirl, Sexy Nurse, Headmistress, Devil Lady, Catwoman, Jungle Jane, Sexy Secretary, Miss Whiplash, Cowgirl, Miss Santa, Sexy Horseriding lady, Vampiress, Witch, Army Girl, Bunny Girl, Sexy Gypsy Lady etc."

Fantastic. Her website informs us that she is a talented pole dancer as well. But her talent does not end there, she also talks dirty for £1.50 a minute to phone callers, "Proportional representation, prepare for government, fancy a coalition big boy?" Those are the sort of words that usually bring a smile to LibDem's faces, Guido suspects that the language is very, very different in this case.

How have her fellow LibDem councillors reacted to the news? Illiberally - they have resigned in disgust.

Hat-tip : LibDemVoice

Le Totty Watch : Socialist Affairs

The French press is even more craven in the reporting of political misdoings than our own tame/feral* Lobby. So it is no surprise that it was the French blogosphere, not the Paris press, that made it impossible to keep Socialist party leader François Hollande's affair secret.

François had four children with Ségolène Royal (pictured left), the losing French Socialist Presidential candidate. He is having an affair with TV8's political reporter, Valerie Trierweiler (pictured right). When announcing their split the elegant Ségolène said that now "he was free to enjoy his romantic life alone".

France has strict privacy laws of the kind that some of our politicians would love to have over here. Blogs now make those laws almost impossible to enforce. Technological progress.

Hat-tip : EuroSoc

*You choose.

Totty Watch : Big Brother's Emily is a Coke Sniffing Cameroonie

Big Brother has brought together the usual collection of crazies - starting off with an all girl line-up. For fans of political totty there is an interest, Emily Parr is an aspiring actress, who politically considers herself to be right wing and will be voting Conservative at the next election.

The Sun reports her "coke-fuelled lesbian romp in front of pals at a party". They picture the posh 19-year-old looking wasted next to a toilet. You get the hint.

Partygoers were apparently stunned as she stripped another girl. "Emily then fondled her boobs before disappearing into a bedroom with her for the night... She also performed crude acts on lads at the bash and did a raunchy lapdance for one ... One partygoer said: 'We were at this girl’s house outside Bristol last April and I saw Emily sniffing coke in the kitchen.'"

Why doesn't Guido get to go to parties like this any more?

Browne Resigns Amid Rumours of Gay Kiss and Tell

Peter Mandelson and his Reinaldo feature in the story too...

GuyNews : My Kinda Neo-Con Cheerleader

Guido doesn't have much time for Neo-Con cheerleaders, but put them in a short skirt...

Michelle Malkin is a blogger with a huge following in the U.S., five million hit her blog every month. Where are my pom-poms?

Watch her over on GuyNews.TV