+++ Balls "Sorry" Ministerial Limo Collided With Pedestrian +++

14.57 Just in from a co-conspirator :

Some poor fellow was just walking along Great Smith Street ahead of me, just outside of the Department for Children, Schools and Families. A car zoomed up outside and the door was flung open in a "I'm important and busy" manner - hitting the poor pedestrian. The moron responsible eventually shouted a token "sorry", but not before those standing about (including me) had spotted that the culprit was the popular Ed Balls.

The door was opened just ahead of the pedestrian who walked into it, although was protecting himself with his hands as he must have seen it coming at the last second.

It was the reason why he eventually shouted an apology. He also had his team with him (3 or 4 people), and there were another two or three bystanders.

Source is pukka.

16:12 UPDATE : Another co-conspirator is prompted to email:

A couple of years ago I was at the dentist in Victoria Street. Ed Balls was there with his daughter. When they left, Ed was on the phone being incredibly busy and important. He walked out of the heavy swing door letting it fall back on his daughter who got properly squidged. She must have been no more than about 8 years old and the valiant little soul put her whole body strength into squeezing the door open again and followed her dad out into the street where he was still on the phone completely oblivious.

Not the most recent of events granted, but shows he has got form...

Balls Gets Clap

The Thomas Cubitt bar off Eaton Square, Belgravia, is a favourite of hedge fund managers and girls who want to marry them (or failing that, Prince Harry). Guido can particularly recommend the 1988 Chateau Rauzan-Ségla Margaux at £120 a bottle and the 1999 Louis Roederer Cristal at £190 for your mistress.

Exactly the kind of establishment you would expect to find Ed Balls frequenting - after all unlike the rest of us he does not have to worry about higher mortgage payments - we pay his for him. Last week he was in the Cubitt and the hedgies resentfully ignored him encroaching onto their territory. Until it was that it was time for him to leave; when he stood up the room gave him a slow hand-clap. Ed's blink rate increased as he attempted to make a dignified exit.

He is rumoured to be a possible replacement for Alistair Darling at the Treasury. Clearly not something that will please the City's moneymen....

Jenny Leaves Brillo for the Old Lady

Jenny Scott has been appointed as head of spin at the Bank of England. Petite brainbox Jenny was one of the best reasons to watch the Daily Politics and had perhaps an over-enthusiastic following.

Jenny studied economics at Cambridge, worked at the Bank of England in 1992 as a professional economist during the ERM crisis before moving to Reuters in 1994 until becoming the BBC's Economics Correspondent. In 2005 she became co-presenter with Brillo of the Daily Politics.

Guido particularly enjoyed her occasional cat-fights with Yvette Cooper and her teaching of rudimentary economics to Ed Balls. Viewer's loss is Mervyn's gain...

Kick in the Balls

This is pretty addictive - a role playing game. Once you master the keyboard skills you (as Jack Straw) can head butt, kick, punch, round house, upper cut, right hook, elbow on jump on Ed Balls. The parliamentary web-servers are overloaded with players this morning...

This game has been produced by Her Majesty's Official Opposition. The Guidoisation of democracy continues...

So What Did You Think?

"Auschwitz Gimmick" Jibe Backfires

CCHQ put out a press release listing 26 Brown gimmicks including under the heading "Trips to Auschwitz"

What was announced: ‘Two pupils from every sixth form and college in the country will be able to visit Auschwitz and learn about the Holocaust thanks to £4.65 million of funding’ (DCSF press release, 4 February 2008)

In fact schools would have to find £100 to fund every sixth-former’s trip (Times, 4 February 2008)

Ed Balls pounced on it and press released:

"This is a truly disgraceful remark by David Cameron and he should apologise immediately for the offence he has caused. Anyone who has seen the horrors of Auschwitz at first hand knows what a life-changing experience it is. To call the announcement I made of £4.65 million to fund visits by school children over the next three years a 'gimmick' just beggars belief. In trying to make this issue into a matter of party politics, David Cameron has shown once again that he not only lacks judgement but also a basic sense of decency."

Aside from the fact that it is not a remark by Dave, but in the notes of a CCHQ briefing, there is obvious irony in Blinky criticising the Tories for "trying to make this into a matter of party politics" in a Labour Party press release.

The Tories now say that they support the educational Auschwitz trips and that they would fully fund them via the Lottery fund. Whatever the substance of the matter, somebody is going to get a bollocking for the original press release...

44% Want Chancellor Darling to Go

The damning poll in the Sunday Times this morning reinforces Guido's view (expressed at some length here) that Darling is the fall guy for Brown and Balls. Darling will be blamed for their mess, Balls will be shuffled in to "resuscitate" the economy just before the election in the hope that it will by then be out of the worst and Balls will be in a position to succeed Brown whether Labour win or lose the general election.

So they will need Darling to suffer meekly for another 2 years...

The Mail on Sunday's frontpage reports that the Ed Balls has come up with a plan to plug Brown's black hole in unfunded public spending. Issue Sharia Law compliant "sukuks" designed to allow the government's Debt Management Office to raise money from the Saudis:

Britain is to become the first Western nation to issue bonds approved by Muslim clerics in line with Sharia law, which bans conventional loans involving interest payments as 'sinful'.

The scheme would mark one of the most significant economic advances of Sharia law in the non-Muslim world.

It will lead to the ownership of Government buildings and other assets currently belonging to British taxpayers being switched wholesale to wealthy Middle-Eastern businessmen and banks.

Such is the parlous state of the public finances that the Treasury can no longer rely on the centuries old method of financing government debt, demand for Gilt edged securities. No Western nation has ever relied on Sharia financing and the U.S. Treasury bans banks from engaging in the practise because of potential links to Middle Eastern terror financing. Ed Balls first came up with the Sharia sukuk strategy when he was Gordon Brown's Treasury SpAd and final consultation on the plan closes this Thursday. Alistair Darling is expected to give full approval for H.M. Sharia Treasury issues before the March budget...

The briefing against Alistair got a little heated in the last week - "Why Darling is a menace to Britain" - William Rees-Mogg; "Darling's confidence seems misplaced" - Anatole Kaletsky; Knives out as Alistair Darling loses trust of City in the Sunday Times and various other City scribblings. It had the feel of the briefing before the non-election, the authors of which were to varying degrees Ed Balls and Douglas Alexander.

Ben Brogan has been briefed on the Brownies' hotline to throw a bucket of water on all this - the Brownies would say that wouldn't they?

Since taking office Alistair has presided over lost data disks containing millions of mum's bank account details, the capital gains and non-domicile U-turns plus the first run on a bank in living memory. Not good when Alistair has in truth already been dealt a very bad hand by Gordon; public and private debt is an albatross around the economy, consumer inflation is over 4% making it hard for the Bank of England to cut rates which is the orthodox solution to a credit crunch. In any event the tsunami of liquidity thrown at the markets so far has not removed the fear in them. Guido's friends in the City all say it is bad with a capital "B" - we are seeing only the tips of the credit crunching icebergs.

Contrary to what Gordon endlessly repeats Britain is not well placed to weather the turmoil. We have a worse balance of payments situation than the U.S., we have a worse government deficit, the golden rule has been shattered, loss of confidence in sterling and the consequent fall is fueling import inflation. Stagflation is returning. The omens in the property market are very worrying.

So if Brown's heir apparent, Ed Balls, wants to become Chancellor he would perhaps be wiser to bide his time, let Alistair take the blame for the coming 2008/9 slowdown / recession, then take the Chancellorship in early 2010. Putting him in a position to go for the leadership following a Labour general election defeat or claim glory for "rescuing the economy" if it goes well. Is Balls wise and patient enough to wait?

Yvette's First Class Package

A Labour party press release arrives in Guido's inbox from Mrs Balls, headlined "Next Steps for Social Housing"

"Labour’s Housing Minister, Yvette Cooper, has announced a package of measures and extra investment to make social housing fairer and more effective. The plans will re-focus social housing around the needs of the tenants and will make it easier for young families to move to larger homes when they need to."

Fairer and more effective packages?

Mr and Mrs Balls are paid by the taxpayers quarter-of-a-million a year between them, yet so hard done by are they that they still claim a package worth tens of thousands extra in mortgage subsidy on top. They own two homes and with the CGT reforms dreamt up on the back of an envelope after George Osborne promised to slash IHT, they will be voting themselves a handy reduction from 40% to 18% on property capital gains. So the constituency and London home owners who already benefit from a tax-free allowance worth £40,000 annually to pay their mortgages, will vote themselves a nice little bonus tax cut. They will then be able to sell their taxpayer funded second home and only pay the reduced capital gains - a 55% tax cut for MPs.

Somehow Guido doubts that kind of package will be offered to ordinary young families who don't vote themselves the nomenklatura benefits available to the political class. Fairer and more effective packages? They are having a laugh...

Tories Call for an Inquiry into Balls' Bung

The Tories are calling for a Civil Service inquiry into the circumstances surrounding a 2005 payment of nearly £100,000 to Ed Balls from the already under statutory investigation Smith Institute. The payment was allegedly for his work on two pamphlets published by the Institute. Ex-employees confirm that he was never seen at the Institute's offices during his 8 month tenure despite being paid an unheard of (for wonkland) monthly salary of over £10,000.

The Smith Institute was used as a slush fund for the Brownies. It functioned effectively as Gordon's policy and political secretariat in his long putsch for the premiership. Once Gordon Brown was installed in No. 10, Konrad Caulkett moved seamlessly from his executive position at the Smith Institute to become a Special Adviser in Downing Street. During Konrad's time at the supposedly non-political charity he assisted Ed Ball's 2005 election campaign in his Normanton constituency whilst still drawing a salary from the charity.

Who stumped up for Ed Balls' generous payments package? Could it have been wealthy property developer John Milligan? Pictured here with Brown, he is a trustee of Gordon's charity, the Smith Institute, has given tens of thousands to the Labour party and even made a personal donation of £25,000 to Gordon's leadership coffers.

For some strange reason Ed Balls failed to properly declare his income from the Smith Institute or get the necessary Treasury clearance required for a Special Adviser before taking the sinecure. The rules were designed to prevent conflicts of interest. It also turned out that the Treasury had made undeclared payments to the Smith Institute, by mistake of course, which were only discovered when Guido succeeded in pushing the Charity Commissioners to investigate. They were the result of a mix-up according to yet another Smith Institute trustee Paul Myners, one of Gordon's favourite businessman who only remembered (during the week the investigation was announced) that he was himself supposed to make good the payment, some two years later.

Of course the Smith Institute received free advice and polling data from another trustee, Deborah Mattinson, whose firm coincidentally won government contracts for which they charged the Treasury £3 million. Do you think there is a strong piscine smell here?

Blinky Balls on Marr

Ed Balls was spinning happily away on the Andrew Marr show when all of a sudden the blink rate went into overdrive when he was asked about the bottled election. Marr asked him had he told Brown to raise his game, Ed said words to the effect "of course not", Marr retorted "shouldn't you?", Ed started mumbling.

For Andy Marr, this constitutes an all out attack. Mrs Marr's articles in the Guardian are less than adulatory of late. Are they disappointed?

Blinky Balls is the Problem in the Brown Bunker

Matin Kettle joins the lengthening list of left-of-centre pundits now bemoaning the Brownies, he reveals this morning that bad-tempered Brown's control freakery is asserting itself, that Miliband despairs of him and that Gordon has even fallen out with Bob Shrum. The article is worth reading in full, this extract get to the heart of the the problem with the Brownies;

One thing on which there is a lot of agreement is that Brown has got to widen the circle soon. Brown promised a different sort of government, but many of his worst and most controlling habits have reasserted themselves since things started going wrong. Cabinet still has some good discussions, but in No 10 the bunker is back. Brown, Ed Balls, Ed Miliband and Douglas Alexander talk every morning by phone at seven, meet every day at 10 to decide priorities, and are running the whole government. And, judging by the record, running it pretty badly.

The inner circle may have called off the general election but in their heads they are still positioning not governing, and thus letting Cameron off the hook. Relations between the key players at the top are worse than in the summer. Brown's long hours and short temper - he lost his cool with Bob Shrum, his American adviser, the other day - shape a bad mood inside No 10. Some staff are leaving already. Others are having second thoughts about staying. Good people feel excluded. The animus against Balls in particular is very great. He should concentrate on being a better minister, they say. Michael Heseltine was right, says one veteran. The problem isn't Brown. It's Balls.

Balls and the rest of the second-raters in the bunker don't govern in the national interest, they just position and spin for short-term political gain. Tactics that succeeded in leveraging Blair out are not an effective strategy for actually governing...

Vote at 16, Stay in School Until 18

Ed Balls plans to force kids to stay in school until they are 18 because they are so feckless. The government plans to give them the vote as well. Joined up government...

Ed & Yvette Profit Handsomely

So who did really well yesterday? Not small businessman, wacked with an 80% hike in capital gains tax when they sell their business at retirement. Alternatively if they work themselves to death dealing with regulatory red tape and hand the business on to their children, Brown and Darling will take, compared to the Tories, an extra £560,000* off the bereaved children. So much for rewarding enterprise.

If you own two homes you just got a handy reduction from 40% to 18% on capital gains. Is it a coincidence that almost all MPs own two homes? The constituency and Westminster home owners already benefit from a tax-free allowance worth £40,000 annually to pay their mortgages. Now they can sell the taxpayer funded second home and only pay the reduced capital gains - a 55% tax cut for MPs.

Mr and Mrs Balls are paid by the taxpayers quarter-of-a-million a year between them, so hard done by are they that they still claim tens of thousands extra in mortgage subsidy on top. Now with the new changes they will be able to sell that second home you paid for and they will pay only 18% tax on it. No wonder they are laughing...

UPDATE : A co-conspirator reminds Guido not to forget the Miliband boys successful efforts to award themselves an IHT tax cut. David Milband is today living in a £ 1.5 million ultra-fashionable-Primrose Hill townhouse at the centre of a complex inheritance-tax avoidance scheme. He shamelessly exploited a loophole which he used to reduce his death duty bills.

When his father Ralph died in 1994 aged 70, leaving a large estate, the Miliband boys agreed a 'deed of variation'. The cunning move meant that 40% of the equity of the Primrose Hill home was transferred to Ed and David, who were each given a 20% share in the house neatly evading the tax bill.

*Could be an incorrect figure, see the debate in the comments. Guido is not an accountant.

Is It All Balls? Who is It?

Tory and LibDem HQs are more fearful of defections today than the Soviet Olympic Team Coach used to be. Benedict Brogan says it is not going to be Rifkind. Some are worried about Patten. Still no public denial by Bercow, who incidentally backed the expansion of grammar schools last month.

LibDems should be aware that Shirley Williams was apparently spotted going into Gordon's Commons office. She incidentally closed down grammar schools. So presumably her talent would cancel out Bercow's talent.

Is it all just to destabilise the opposition? Of course, but it goes both ways, Frank Field was spotted chatting to David Laws, his brow furrowed. You never know...

UPDATE : Adam Boulton is reporting "Strong rumours that the Lib Dem peer and QC Alec Carlisle will be appointed Attorney General."

Seriously Incompetent?

Iain is being a little unfair on the blessed Ruth citing her as potentially Labour's Most Incompetent Minister.

Firstly Mrs Balls (Yvette Cooper) deserves most of the opprobrium for the HIPs mess and there is a competitive field of choices in the ministerial incompetence stakes. Prezza has messed up more policies in his time than most. Hewitt is hardly the best of the bunch, Des Browne sends men to die for lack of equipment and lack of any comprehensible strategic or even credible tactical plan in Afghanistan.

Des Browne gets Guido's vote, his incompetence is the most serious. It is wasting the lives of British soldiers...

GuyNews : Where's Gordon? Jenny v Yvette

The Daily Politics took up Guido's meme, with Jenny pressing Mrs Balls as to when would Gordon "come out".

See it on GuyNews.TV.

Smith Institute : Polly Advised Sith on the "Legend for the Left" Against Tories the Month Before 2005 General Election

MPs like Ed Balls, Douglas Alexander, Liam Byrne, Martin Salter discussing with Polly Toynbee anti-Tory political strategies is nothing new, discussing them at a non-partisan, non-political charity event would be very interesting. That is exactly what they did at a seminar held on Tuesday 22nd March 2005 on the very eve of the General Election.

Also attending were - surprise, surprise - Deborah Mattinson and Scarlett McGwire from Opinion Leader Research, pollsters for the Treasury.

Polly advised the Labour team about the Tory's tactics; "Dog whistling is exactly what it is: hitting and running day after day, leaving Labour looking lame, wrong footed, unable to keep up. All the more important is to be able to produce the kind of moral vision that is envisaged here or is beginning to be described here."

All the more important for who? Ed Balls tells her he was "very taken by Polly’s language in terms of a need for a legend for the left." The seminar transcript goes on and on. So the question is - does the Charity Commission still believe that the Smith Institute is non-political?

Isn't it just Gordon Brown's strategic campaigning arm?

UPDATE : Christopher Hope in the Telegraph has discovered that Ed Balls advocated a new NHS tax at another closed meeting of the Sith.

Blinky Balls : I Won't Be Chancellor

In a puff piece in the Brownite Daily Mail, Blinky does a bit of false modesty and says "I still have a lot to learn." He tells Dacre's hacks, "No" he won't be taking over at the Treasury "I have been a Minister for less than a year". Yes, and he has barely managed to hang on to his parliamentary seat. If Brown hadn't sorted out a sinecure and a peerage for the neighbouring sitting MP his protege would soon face actually having to earn a living.

Guido has been betting against Balls being Chancellor for sometime, his odds are far too short and he has effectively made himself a longshot. Alastair Darling should get the gig unless the upcoming cabinet game of musical chairs somehow upsets Brown's plans. In other bets Guido has rebalanced the Blair-to-Go bet to July/Sep on Betfair. Uncharacteristically am "all red" on any other outcome. If Yates forces an early Blair resignation Guido will take a hammering at the bookies, but it would be worth it...

Cheer yourself up again by watching Blinky fall apart under interrogation by Brillo.