Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy: Anyone But Gordon
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Showing posts with label Anyone But Gordon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anyone But Gordon. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Guido Predicts...

Boris will win and nothing else will really matter tomorrow. Polly Toynbee and all the rest of the chattering classes will choke on their words. Labour will finally understand in their collective consciousness that they made a terrible choice in replacing the triple election-winning Tony with the triple election-avoiding* Gordon.

They will also know that if Boris can win London, Cameron can win Britain. Gordon is a loser...

*1994 avoids risking challenging Tony for the leadership. July 2007 engineers a coronation through menace and intimidation to avoid a challenge for the leadership. October 2007 funks calling a general election to obtain a personal mandate in the face of a resurgent Conservative Party.

Friday, April 25, 2008

American Idol Producers Baffled by Ratings Collapse

idol
According to the LA Times the curse of Jonah Brown has struck the ratings of the (until now) most successful show on U.S. TV:
And the pace of the fall off may be quickening. Last week's performance show, featuring the songs of Mariah Carey, one of the most successful pop singers in history, was the lowest-rated Tuesday "Idol" in five years among TV's most important demographic, adults ages 18 to 49. The subsequent results show, in which country warbler Kristy Lee Cook got the hook, delivered "Idol's" worst Wednesday numbers among adults ages 18 to 34 since its first season back in summer 2002. Producers also saw depressed ratings for their "Idol Gives Back" charity extravaganza, which this year aired as a stand-alone show with no competition-related material.
Guido has warned before - beware the one-eyed son of the manse, for he is accursed, and all he touches is cursed by him...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Brown's Bushisms

Gordon Brown was quoted in the Telegraph saying that he spends "every day that I wake up" trying to keep the economy on track. Does he not wake every day? Are there days where things are just too bad to get out of bed?

Last week he made two great Bushisms in his speech to the Scottish TUC:
  • "I remember the 1940s." Gordon Brown was born in in 1951.
  • "The Government has done more for poverty over the past fifteen years" Yes, when John Major was in charge of the government.

  • He also told Sky’s Adam Boulton last week that Britain had been “diversifying into gold” by selling Britain’s gold reserves. And it was the Tories fault anyway.
  • "Nelson Mandela was freed in our lunchtime." Well, Prezza's lunchtime...
  • "Britain and China are both centres of invasion…."
Do send Guido any more Brown language mangling Bushisms to the usual Guido.Fawkes@Order-Order.com.

U-Turn : Dithered to the Death

At PMQs Dave called Gordon "a loser not a leader". The hastily cobbled together deal placated Frank Field this morning and he withdrew his amendment. Apparently the sticking plaster for the lower paid will be backdated and will include "changes to the winter fuel payment system, tax credits and the minimum wage in order to compensate those losing out from the ending of the 10p rate."

Nice and simple. Not.

Cast your mind back to last week's U.S. trip. On the flight to Washington Gordon personally briefed the Lobby on the usual off-the-record basis that "No one will lose out."

He dismissed Lobby hacks claims that dozens of Labour MPs were set to rebel over the issue, saying: "It is just one or two MPs asking questions." The Mail on Sunday was not on the trip, so was not bound by Lobby terms, it accurately reported Gordon claiming
"You're wrong. No one will lose out. Come on . . . you guys have exaggerated it all."

When BBC political editor Nick Robinson insisted there was a sizeable Labour revolt, Mr Brown fired back*: "No it isn't. There are just one or two MPs asking questions."

When a journalist from a Labour-supporting paper insisted that the rebellion was far bigger, Mr Brown scowled: "Really? Really? That's what you say."

He was equally abrupt with ITN political editor Tom Bradby, who had asked him at the White House about the resignation threat by ministerial aide Angela Smith.

Mr Brown was forced to break off from his White House talks to beg Ms Smith not to resign. "You said a Minister was going to resign, but she didn't," Mr Brown told Mr Bradby.

Asked "What did Angela Smith say to you?" Mr Brown replied: "She just phoned me to say she wasn't resigning."

BBC Newsnight political editor Michael Crick asked sarcastically: "She phoned you up at the White House to tell you she wasn't resigning? Do all your Ministers do that?"

Another journalist put Mr Brown on the spot: "Do you acknowledge that there will be some losers from this tax change?"

The Prime Minister replied: "No. It's not as simple as that."

Such was the extraordinary nature of the exchanges with the assembled Lobby that the papers, even though bound by Lobby terms, were full of phrases hinting along the lines of "PM Privately Furious" the next day. Downing Street spin officials were horrified by the disastrous briefing. The PM appeared to be either in complete denial or out of touch with reality. He was also close to losing self-control and on the edge of throwing yet another tantrum. Gordon was convinced by officials he should give another personal briefing during the trip in an attempt to repair the damage done.

Clearly if you start talking transparent bollocks to the Lobby when you are off-the-record, you will inevitably get a bad press. The whole point of the Lobby and off-the-record briefings is that they are supposed to allow candid honesty in return for non-attribution. Gordon's psychological flaws and unwillingness to accept criticism make it impossible for him to accept that when he has made a mistake, and this was a huge mistake, he has to openly make amends. His usual bullying didn't work in this case - he has now made a humiliating U-turn - not an act of leadership.

*Nick Robinson has obliquely confirmed the Mail on Sunday's version of events. He blogs that "Gordon Brown had shouted down those who told him there were many many losers from his last Budget as Chancellor and those who told him he faced a real political crisis as a result." Guido suspects that Nick himself was, as reported, one of "those" shouted down.

UPDATE : U-turn letter (pdf) here.

Monday, April 21, 2008

If Gordon Loses the Vote, Gordon Has To Go

As Cameron signals that he will probably line up his troops behind Frank Field's amendment could we be looking at a no confidence vote? Effectively yes. Gordon introduced the 10p rate, Gordon abolished the 10p rate, Gordon complicated the tax and benefits system with his endless tinkering at social engineering. This mess is 100% Brown stuff.

The paper pundits are intoning gravely. Jackie Ashley says Gordon could be gone this week, Kavanagh says kick Ken out next week and get rid of the unelected PM. If only...

Despite Alistair's grandstanding calls on the banks to buck the markets and drop their lending rates, even Northern Rock, controlled by the Treasury has upped lending rates. Meantime the socialist dreams of Gordon Brown the student are being realised with the back door nationalisation of the banks. Another £50 billion is to be pick-pocketed from the taxpayers to prop up banks. Guido does not know what the exact terms of the bail-out are, but in principle is opposed. Why are taxpayers expected to take risks which properly should be borne by shareholders?

Why should the banks listen to Gordon when his own government ministers don't listen? Many junior members of the government are expected to rebel on the 10p rate, 42 days and even ID cards. We have a shambles of a government by the shambolic, with support slipping away. Bring on the General Election...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Labour PPC : "Gordon is Giving Me Nightmares"

John Wiseman, Labour PPC for Westmorland and Lonsdale has, writing on LabourHome, candidly admitted that he seems "to be in the middle of a nightmare at present... Everyone seems depressed where I am standing for parliament. Gordon has decided to take money away from his core vote, PPS's are threatening to resign!! When are we going to wake up!!! There is hundreds of councillors who are going to lose their seats if Gordon doesn't listen. I am asking please Gordon for the last time wake up and smell the coffee..."

He blames it squarely on the abolition of the 10p tax rate...

Monday, April 14, 2008

Summer Fashion Must Haves

Available now from Guido's online merchandise store.
Well worth a tenner or so...

Download and listen to Jilted John's Gordon is a Moron.MP3

Bet Wenger is Sorry Now

Guido has confirmed this with Ladbrokes: back in February Arsenal were the odds-on favourites to win Football's Premier League title. In March Gordon held a summit with President Sarkozy at Arsenal's Emirates stadium.

Many of Guido's co-conspirators predicted that what has now come to pass would result. The curse of Jonah Brown hit Wenger's boys in red as surely as if the PM himself had attended each and every match since.

The once-mighty Arsenal were beaten by Manchester United yesterday and are now out of the running for the Premier League title. They were doomed from the moment they agreed to let Gordon on to the pitch...

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Schrödinger's Brown

Only quantum politics explains how Gordon Brown...

  • stands for being different from Blair and being the same
  • is going to leave and stay in Iraq
  • cuts the NHS and expands it
  • emits and cuts back CO2 emissions; is anti-green and pro-green
  • is regressive and progressive; right wing and left wing
  • will be at the Olympic games and not at them
  • was against and in favour of obtaining a mandate to govern the British people
  • wanted a referendum and opposes a referendum
  • was both at the Lisbon treaty ceremony and not at it
  • stands for more and less borrowing
  • has ended and started the boom and bust cycle.
Hat-tip : Deconvoluter

Monday, April 7, 2008

Come Back Thatcher!

This poll result is phenomenal:

YouGov asked voters who they would choose from a list of politicians "at the peak of their powers" to be prime minister. Maggie Thatcher was the most popular with 27% wanting her back.

Brown was unpopular even among Labour voters: 43% of whom wanted Blair back, even Tony Benn was wanted by 17% of the party's voters, Brown was the first choice of only 10% of Labour voters.

Remember what Hutton and Miliband said about Gordon? They were so right...

UPDATE : Guido forgot to quote the most important statistic, a mere 5% of all voters would rather have Gordon Brown as PM from the list of former PMs given.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

From Mr Brown to Mr Bean to Mr Blobby

Jonathan Oliver in the Sunday Times has a story about Gordon wandering around at the Progressive Governance jamboree with a big orange splodge of make-up on his forehead. Guido remarked on Gordon's tendency to twattishness earlier this week, listing ten of the twatty things he has done. From tucking hs trousers into his socks to picking his nose for two minutes live on TV. The PM got lost at Windsor Castle and kept the Queen waiting last week, he comically once locked himself in the loo and had to be rescued by Tony Blair.

Downing Street's spin-master Stephen Carter realises that, much to Guido's satisfaction, the "PM is a twat" meme is gaining popular traction. Vince Cable vocalised what even Labour MPs think - the PM is a Mr Bean style nerd. It is one thing to be feared as a malevolent weirdo, another thing to be derided. So we now have the appointment of an ex-BBC producer, Nicola Burdett, 35, "to stop the embarrassing photographs and television footage that risk turning Brown into a figure of fun".

An impossible task. Too late. People are already laughing down the pub at Gordon picking his nose on a mobile phone viral video.

UPDATE :
Makes you proud don't it? 19 heads of state met Britain's Prime Minister looking like this...

Friday, March 21, 2008

Muir Says "Bye for Now" to WPP

Guido's co-conspirator in the red glasses emails a report from his Blackberry after the party;

at David Muir's leaving drinks at WPP there was a hefty amount of sceptism from the audience about his tenure in Downing Street. There was a heckle from the back of the (small) crowd that there was no point giving a leaving gift "as he will be back in a year".

Branding bullshit guru Muir said he was off to "do some good" - helping to keep Gordon in No. 10. Just what we need, another delusional Scot in Downing Street.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Will There Be Tears at the Leaving Party?

Spencer Livermore has been at Gordon's side for over a decade. He is now off to Saatchi. His departure had been rumoured for some months - since Gordon's ranting started reducing him to tears. The hard-drinking Damian McBride is said to be next...

Monday, March 3, 2008

Laughing to Order for Gordon

Kevin Maguire hates being described as Gordon's stooge. Yet surely if you compere a Q&A session for Gordon at the Labour Party's poorly attended spring conference, you risk exactly that, particularly if you cravenly fake laughter at an anecdote you have heard Gordon tell over and over and over again. Truly cringe worthy.

Guido has himself heard the "sports pages" anecdote more times than he cares to remember, our Kevin must have as well.

Gordon's Speech at "Britain's Everyday Heroes" Book Launch (24 July 2007)
"The great American jurist Justice Warren once said that he read the newspaper sports pages first because stories there were of human achievements, and the front pages last because their stories were of human failings."
Speech on the Global Economy at the Reuters Building (1 October 2007)
"And I am reminded of the story of Earl Warren, who said that he looked at the sports pages first because it told him a great deal about human achievement, and he looked at the front pages last because all it wrote about was human failings."
Downing Street press conference (8 October 2007)
"I have been tempted over this weekend to take the advice of Errol Warren (sic), the American jurist, who said he only read the sports pages of the newspapers because they were all about human achievements, and he didn't read the front pages because they were all about human criticisms."
Speech at Sports Colleges conference (1 February 2008)
"US Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren once said he read the front pages of newspapers last because they focused on human failing. He read the sports pages first because they focused on human accomplishments and achievements."
Last month at the NFU the weirdo PM forgot the bloody anecdote, which Guido can by now chant in his sleep, attributing it to JFK. (18 February 2008)
"John Kennedy was the President of the United States in the 1960s, and he used to say when he got bad newspaper headlines: 'I'm reading them more and enjoying them less'. He said he read the sports pages first because they talked about human achievements and only the front pages last because all they talked about was human failings."
And now at last week's Labour spring conference. Kevin Maguire deserves an acting award to go with his 'Order of the Brown Nose' for his reaction to the line.

Hat-tip : DB

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Polls Tell Labour Blair Was Better

It must be a bit galling for the Brownies to discover that Cameron not only as expected wins over "toffs" (in the vernacular of Kevin Maguire's fantasy Beano world) - the breakdown is now showing Cameron ahead in the lower D & E income groups in England. Even in Maguire's North East home region (not in his adopted millionaire's colony of Richmond) the Tories are more popular than Brown. That is Labour's heartland, if they can't win there, they can't win anywhere.

The SNP are hammering the corrupt Scottish Labour Party, now if only the LibDems could pull some more votes from Labour, the anti-Brown vote will reach 2 to1 in England. Guido always said the Labour Party would come to miss Blair, watching Portillo last night on Thatcher it was interesting how even the dripping wet Chris Patten regretted the manner of getting rid of her - in hindsight it would have been better to let the voters decide rather than disaffected MPs.

Similarly many Labour MPs in marginals will, come the general election, rue the day they swapped a proven three times winner for a dithering, cowardly, psychologically flawed weirdo.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Fijian PM is Commander Bainimarama
British PM is Completely Bananas

Guido is not making this up, this is the official advertising campaign for the Fijian Visitors Bureau:Fijime.comGordon gave permission for the use of his image according to the advertising agency behind the advert "so long as it was not derogatory and it did not appear that he was endorsing the islands in any way. We showed them the image of the Prime Minister with the red flower behind his ear and they said it was okay to use". Presumably the PM just wants to show solidarity with another unelected PM?

UPDATE : Have just been looking into the situation in Fiji, widespread human rights abuses, suppression of pro-democracy activists, violence against activists by the dictatorship and the jailing of independent bloggers in the forefront of the widely suppressed anti-government media. You can see the attraction for Gordon...

Monday, February 18, 2008

Gordon's Jinx : It Is Official!

At the Lobby briefing this afternoon the PMOS confirmed that Gordon is a Jonah. A member of the fearless Lobby asked the PMOS "Which football match had the Prime Minister attended on Saturday?"
"Raith Rovers" replied the PMOS.

" They lost, didn't they," said the correspondent.

" I don't know," said the PMOS. " They must have done - every team he goes to watch loses," continued the PMOS.
Things are now so bad in England under Gordon that residents in the Northumberland town of beautiful Berwick-upon-Tweed have voted in favour of becoming part of free Scotland under the SNP.

According to a poll for ITV1's Tonight programme (to be broadcast 8pm, errm, tonight) 60% want the town to be administered by Scotland. Better public services, including free care for the elderly, were the main reasons. The SNP's Christine Grahame has tabled a motion in the Scottish Parliament calling for the town to "return to the fold".

If only we could return Gordon to whence he came so easily...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Gordon Jinx Hits Manchester United

Every international football and rugby match Gordon has attended since he has become PM has led to a defeat for England or Scotland. His Jonah-like jinx now seemingly extends to club matches. On a day of high emotion at Old Trafford, in front of survivors of the Munich crash and the families of the victims, Brown turned up. The result? Manchester United lost at home for the first time against City in 34 years!

Is this a good sign for the blues?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

+++ McCAIN CANCELS BROWN MEETING +++

"Too busy" says McCain. Or is there another reason he didn't want to shake hands with Gordon?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Gordon Earns Himself a Blue Peter Badge

As markets plunged yesterday George Bush convened a White House summit to push an emergency $150 billion growth stimulus package through Congress in weeks. He called in heavyweight politicians for a bipartisan effort. Elsewhere in Washington an emergency meeting of the Federal Reserve slashed interest rates 75 basis points in an effort to shore up global markets fearing recession. What does Gordon do?

He takes time out to appear on Blue Peter to wish Konnie Huq good luck in her next job. Yes, the Prime Minister has his own weird sense of priorities.


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