Comments on Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy: POSITION VACANT

You forgot to say: Needs skill to apply black hair...

2008-05-04T09:49:00.000+01:00

You forgot to say: Needs skill to apply black hair dye in an attempt to look young (and fails) Guido

What is happening to the left side of Snottie McTw...

2008-05-02T22:37:00.000+01:00

What is happening to the left side of Snottie McTwat's jaw? Anyone else spotted this?

Bravo, Guido. You don't half know how to twist the...

2008-05-02T21:58:00.000+01:00

Bravo, Guido. You don't half know how to twist the knife.

Do you suppose that Chris Paul and Gary Elsby are ...

2008-05-02T19:39:00.000+01:00

Do you suppose that Chris Paul and Gary Elsby are comforting each other, that's why they are so strangely silent?

Stephen Carter would seem the ideal candidate - he...

2008-05-02T19:01:00.000+01:00

Stephen Carter would seem the ideal candidate - he already works for Gordon (lucky man) and has experience of organisations that go into bankruptcy.

Charlotte corday May 2, 2008 3:29 PMsaid... PS Whe...

2008-05-02T18:47:00.000+01:00

Charlotte corday May 2, 2008 3:29 PM
said...

PS Where is Stanislav? You don't think he's up for the job?

Gone to Scandinavia with his mates apparently, since they can achieve a better standard of living than in this wrecked dump.
Come back Stan ! We love you.

Dear G BrownI am writing in response to the advert...

2008-05-02T18:22:00.000+01:00

Dear G Brown

I am writing in response to the advert you placed on the popular Labour Party fansite (www.upshitcreekwithoutapaddle.com)and I wish to apply for the position advertised. I have many person-to-person skills plus a unique ability to micro-manage any crisis to my own advantage. The areas I feel that I am lacking in is sensitivity to ethnic minorities; I was recently unfortunately photographed at a Muslim council meeting drinking what was claimed to be a large Scotch, but I know to have been only a small one. I have also been accused of being heavy-handed with the press - accusing one nosy little bastard ... oops ... member of the press ... of being a concentration camp guard.

Due to unforeseen circumstances I suddenly find myself out of work at present so I am available for interviews at short notice.

Please don't ask to see me on Thursdays though - its the day I have to sign on.

Yours

Kenneth Livingstone
(the bloke who lost his job because of your incompetence)

If Gordo is "Listening", how come he is not gallop...

2008-05-02T18:19:00.000+01:00

If Gordo is "Listening", how come he is not galloping full pelt for Beachy Head ?

Alan Douglas

Guido I am disappointed you omitted to mention the...

2008-05-02T17:51:00.000+01:00

Guido I am disappointed you omitted to mention the bottomless expenses fund, complimentary John lewis cards and free personal transport.

Well, as Gary from Stoke failed to get elected per...

2008-05-02T17:44:00.000+01:00

Well, as Gary from Stoke failed to get elected perhaps they could give him the job. He'll have to brush up on his reading, writing and 'rithmetic* but I'm sure the job centre could sort out a suitable course for him.

*Then again, maybe not.

Cool!I've got none of the required skill and not a...

2008-05-02T17:26:00.000+01:00

Cool!
I've got none of the required skill and not a pot to piss in.

I feel I'll fit perfectly into the team.

Skills must also include the ability to generate £...

2008-05-02T16:57:00.000+01:00

Skills must also include the ability to generate £20 million plus to pay off debts in readiness for a major marketing campaign within the next two years. Ability to push shit uphill a distinct advantage.

May I commend to Rockin Gordo a future peer of the...

2008-05-02T16:39:00.000+01:00

May I commend to Rockin Gordo a future peer of the realm and an indiscriminate BROWNnoser...'Lord Permatan Phain of bNeath con TEMPT' who is greatly experienced in running expensive losing campaigns on other peoples money and possesses remarkable accounting skills. Immediate availability.

Wouldn't it be supremely ironic if getting into to...

2008-05-02T16:32:00.000+01:00

Wouldn't it be supremely ironic if getting into too much debt was the death of the Zanu-Labour party?

looks as though the judge who said last year that ...

2008-05-02T16:09:00.000+01:00

looks as though the judge who said last year that the postal voting irregularities he had just investigated
'would disgrace a banana republic'
will be busy again

If NuScrewedLab have no Gen Sec, does that leave T...

2008-05-02T16:01:00.000+01:00

If NuScrewedLab have no Gen Sec, does that leave Treasurer MrMad Harriet Hareperson AKA j dromey in the line of fire for all the Lab debts and liabilities that canny Dave the Pitts dodged?.

In honour of this momentous day, I would like to o...

2008-05-02T15:56:00.000+01:00

In honour of this momentous day, I would like to offer an 'Ode to the Local Elections':

I never thought I'd see a day
As good as this,
"But Why?" you say,
"A war's still raging in Iraq,
Our wages taxed to Hell and back,
We're credit-crunched, the Pound is down,
There's violent drunks in every town,
Our hospitals will make us ill,
We can't afford our petrol bill,
Inflation's rising out of sight,
At school our kids can't read or write,
So we can't see a single way,
That you can say 'life's good' today".

Though all the things you say are true,
They've brought about a change in you,
Today, there's something in the air,
Now people really seemed to care,
You left your houses, man and youth,
and you went to a Polling Booth,
Be Proud! Because as one you rose,
And gave this Government a bloody nose,
Turnout's higher than years before,
You stood your ground,
You said "No More".

And all the things of which you spoke,
Are true
We're still beneath the yoke,
Of Government inept and dumb,
But now they've seen their time has come,
We won't be robbed or back your war,
We won't live like this any more,
You work for US - not us for you,
Your years of conning us are through!,
We want real action, not cliche,
We want a change that starts TODAY,
And so, upon a final note,
I'm Happy.
Because today,
Britain remembered how to VOTE.

http://dungeekin.blogspot.com/2008/05/ode-to-local-elections.html

They will have to offer it to Ken as a consolation...

2008-05-02T15:51:00.000+01:00

They will have to offer it to Ken as a consolation prize.

Ken will take the job on the understanding that parties get more state funding, because its the only way he knows.

Gordon will push through the state funding of parties because it is the right decsion for Britain.

Come off it BB, that's totally unfair - on Harare ...

2008-05-02T15:36:00.000+01:00

Come off it BB, that's totally unfair - on Harare (and all other banana republics).

Why do polling stations issue PENCILS for voting, ...

2008-05-02T15:29:00.003+01:00

Why do polling stations issue PENCILS for voting, instead of INK.

Is this because pencil crosses are easier to rub out?

And also why is it that the BNP have lodged a complaint at the London Excel Centre that 40% of the ballot boxes arrived this morning with their seals broken and as they were made of cardboard some with slits where votes are placed through torn open? According to them the returning officer said "Theres nothing I can do about it?"

As for postal voting....

London twinned with Harare.

On The Guardian's Comment is Free Jackie Ashley is...

2008-05-02T15:29:00.002+01:00

On The Guardian's Comment is Free Jackie Ashley is getting a pasting from readers - her suggestion for how NuLabour can revitilise itself: Bring back Blunkett!!!!

Also, on his Indie blog Steve (Anyone who votes for Boris is thick) Richards is now saying that the results were disasterous for Labour and Cameron is performing brilliantly.

PS Where is Stanislav? You don't think he's up for the job?

To whom should I address my cv? (I have a good fri...

2008-05-02T15:29:00.001+01:00

To whom should I address my cv? (I have a good friend in Venezuela who would be more than happy to underwrite any debt.)

St. Boris Peak rises to 1,665m in Friesland Ridge,...

2008-05-02T15:29:00.000+01:00

St. Boris Peak rises to 1,665m in Friesland Ridge, Tangra Mountains, Livingston Island, Antarctica.

St. Boris Peak

Sorry, took me so fucking long to wrote my name I ...

2008-05-02T15:16:00.000+01:00

Sorry, took me so fucking long to wrote my name I have forgotten what I wanted to say.

Lovin' the Labour line of "we must have more scru...

2008-05-02T15:15:00.000+01:00

Lovin' the Labour line of "we must have more scrutiny of Tory policies" being trotted out.

Brown and co are basically saying to the vast majority of the public that they were too stupid to understand who they incorrectly voted for, and need 'educating' on the errors of their ways

We're listening!

Arrogant w@nkers