Comments on Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy: Prize Competition :Explain the Labour Party's Posi...

It's pretty simple.This is your arse and this is y...

2008-05-15T01:19:00.000+01:00

It's pretty simple.

This is your arse and this is your elbow... or is it the other way around?

Actually this explains it better
http://clairwil.blogspot.com/2008/05/poor-old-labour.html

Wee sleekit cowran tim'rous WendyThou hast decided...

2008-05-14T14:44:00.000+01:00

Wee sleekit cowran tim'rous Wendy
Thou hast decided to be a' friendly
tae an idea of a plebiscite, and soon,
despite the wrath of yon Mister Broon
an' leave thy Party all a ruin
wi' a' the u-turns thy is doin'

Has anyone considered holding a referendum on Engl...

2008-05-14T10:48:00.000+01:00

Has anyone considered holding a referendum on English Independance?

That would have the advantage of getting rid of the Leeks too. Then tell the UK Parliament to fuck off out of Westminster - perhaps they could set up a Celtic fringe house-of-hot-air on the Isle of Mann.

Can you imagine the SNP, Plaid, DUP and Sinn Fein as the biggest parties in a parliament? It would be hilarious (for English spectators living it up in über-rich England.)

The more I write the better this idea seems.

God, I'd so love to shove the whole of the North Sea oil reserve up Salmond's blubbery arse, tell him it's all his now, he's welcome to it so long as we don't have to hear his smug posturing. (Doesn't he remind one of Mussolini? Third rate dictator.)

Independant England will be wealthy beyond imagining, a Tory bastion, Boris and PM Dave battling to cut tax and waste the most. We'll all be rich, rich I tell you, as rich as astronauts.

I love global warming too. The English climate has become almost ideal now.

Sorry for going on at length, but I fear now that my colleagues may have overloaded my morning coffee again to see me rant for their amusement.

But I'm right.

And did those feet, in ancient time, walk upon England's mountains green?

Bring it onThat's three wordsSNP are delaying so t...

2008-05-14T10:22:00.000+01:00

Bring it on

That's three words

SNP are delaying so that - they hope - they will have an immediately unpopular Tory Govt as a back drop. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

If Alex Salmond can see that then why can't the great british electorate (and Gordon Brown)?

A minister responds to Guido:"I am clear that our ...

2008-05-14T09:28:00.000+01:00

A minister responds to Guido:

"I am clear that our position on a referendum is straightforward. The Scottish people - indeed, the English people as well - are entitled to believe that their views on the Union are taken into account when we frame policy. Which is to say that the devolved parliament of Scotland has every right to assess the practicalities of a referendum. And also the English, er, British Parliament likewise. This may in due course lead to more substantive discussions. In time, consensus may be reached, but these issues are not straightforward; clarity is hard to define, let alone articulate. But let us be clear; were the Scottish Nationalists to promise a referendum to their people, and then renege in the most cavalier and dishonest fashion - well, that would be the most breathtaking example of cynicism"

If Hadrian's Wall was a fence they'd be sitting on...

2008-05-14T08:54:00.000+01:00

If Hadrian's Wall was a fence they'd be sitting on it.

Fucked !

2008-05-14T08:36:00.000+01:00

Fucked !

Competition Entry:"It's simple. The Labour Party'...

2008-05-14T00:13:00.000+01:00

Competition Entry:
"It's simple. The Labour Party's position on a Scotch referendum is whatever they think will gain them short-term political advantage without tearing the party apart."

P.S. Why are the English not allowed to say whether they think the Scotch should remain part of the Union?

`Twas in the merry month of May in the year 2008 "...

2008-05-13T23:52:00.000+01:00

`Twas in the merry month of May in the year 2008
"Let`s have a referendum", said Wendy Alexander The Grate
"Bring it on" she boasted, with a rush of blood to the head
But Gordon went and spoiled it telling us "that`s not what she said"

So next wee bendy Wendy and her numptie labour crew
Held another meeting and decided what to do
They`ll vote for it, but no blank cheque - that is their position
But don`t ask awkward questions about the Calman Commission

We believe strongly in anything our focus groups t...

2008-05-13T22:50:00.000+01:00

We believe strongly in anything our focus groups tel us we should be believing strongly in. Or vis versa. Hence our determination...(Jeez that's enough already.)

Good long-gone-not-forgotten Frankie Howerd could ...

2008-05-13T22:36:00.000+01:00

Good long-gone-not-forgotten Frankie Howerd could have done it:

"No,no,no,no,thrice nay, no ooooh no, no no-no-no-nooooo ......."

And now, the end is near;And so I face the final c...

2008-05-13T22:26:00.000+01:00

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which Im certain.

I've lived a life thats full.
I've traveled each and evry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Apologies to Mr Sinatra

It's simple.Some in the Labour Party (let's call t...

2008-05-13T22:20:00.000+01:00

It's simple.

Some in the Labour Party (let's call them 'Wendy') thought that others in the party (let's call them 'Gordon') were a wee bit slow to back the SNP into a corner. Didn't matter on what - the Wendys were frustrated cos the Gordons didn't play a political masterstroke. Then the Wendys tried, missed and the master stroke hit the Gordons by mistake. Ouch.

It's quite simple really, their policy is based on...

2008-05-13T21:37:00.000+01:00

It's quite simple really, their policy is based on the principles of quantum particles, where a particle can be in multiple states at the same time, add to that the Wendy 'Heisenberg' Alexander uncertainty principle and you have Labours policy which allows them to be for and against a referendum at any one time.

TEN PEE OR NOT TEN PEE....er, what was that? evo, ...

2008-05-13T21:22:00.000+01:00

TEN PEE OR NOT TEN PEE....er, what was that? evo, revo, devolution/independence? Where?, when? Oh no, not our homeland. We will be out of a job if they talk like that. Who said that? Er.. Not Bendy!. Who wrote her speech? Sack them.

2 verses of William T McGonagall -he wasn't quite ...

2008-05-13T20:42:00.000+01:00

2 verses of William T McGonagall -he wasn't quite bad enough to be a Wendy spin doctor!

Miserable Gordon of North Queensferry way!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
Your credibility has been blown away!
On a Sabbath day of 2008,
Which will be remember'd as sealing your fate.

'Twas about noon on that day so bright,
When Wendy spoke and uttered such shite,
And the scorn came pouring down,
Bringing ridicule on the diminutive clown,
And the Demon of the Media seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the New Labour Party."

I might have had a go if you had asked us to expla...

2008-05-13T20:33:00.000+01:00

I might have had a go if you had asked us to explain nuclear physics, or time/space continuum, or even the flux capacitor. But this? Christ knows? Too difficult.

Read Stephen Hawking's Brief History of Time on qu...

2008-05-13T20:31:00.000+01:00

Read Stephen Hawking's Brief History of Time on quantum mechanics, relativity and the need for a unifying theory to bridge the two. That's easy going by comparison. Politics, like time is relative - we have Gordon politics and we have Wendy politics, but they are the same...apparently!

"It's like banging your head against a brick wall"...

2008-05-13T20:21:00.000+01:00

"It's like banging your head against a brick wall" Gordon said, banging Wendy's head against a brick wall. Wendy realised what he was getting at.

Wee Wendy wonkerSent Gordo a stonker"Bring it on",...

2008-05-13T20:10:00.000+01:00

Wee Wendy wonker
Sent Gordo a stonker
"Bring it on", she bravely said
And Gordo promptly hung his head...

And said.... NO!

His strangled word was o'er ruled
By those he counted as his brood
For MSPs of Labour bent
Have wonder if the Union's spent...

Screams poor Gordo, NOOOOOO!

Jimbo, with apologies to every poet ever.

It's really quite simple:Labour will support a Ref...

2008-05-13T19:46:00.000+01:00

It's really quite simple:

Labour will support a Referendum Bill. Unless they abstain. Or vote against it.

Man who wait till enemy chooses battle, sure to ge...

2008-05-13T19:34:00.000+01:00

Man who wait till enemy chooses battle, sure to get sporran set on fire.

Man who call battle now look better and have at least haggis in hell's chance of winning, before enemy fully armed.

Man who not know this not long PM, ah so the noo.

“Big chief in Browning Street say no! Little Chief...

2008-05-13T19:22:00.000+01:00

“Big chief in Browning Street say no! Little Chief Wendy Red Face support referendum now because we know Scotland lost cause for main parties. Wendy Tax cutter too! Imagine English stop hating Labour when Barnet formula stops being paid no more hovering up cash when Scotland say Yes!”

50 word for ya there.

Wendy Alexander:"My love for her runs down my leg"...

2008-05-13T18:59:00.000+01:00

Wendy Alexander:

"My love for her runs down my leg"

- Shakespeare.

Labour Party Nu-Speak or just old fashioned studen...

2008-05-13T18:58:00.001+01:00

Labour Party Nu-Speak or just old fashioned student politics; like returning to the womb really.

"No one in the room had any complaints about the decision that has been taken =
All have been browbeaten into silence in the name of Unity.

"we are now in a position where, as a group, we will not vote down any Referendum Bill that comes into the Parliament."=
Sounds kindsa united and positive but means nothing.

I can't be bothered with the rest of it but for Scotland, well, we've had their oil so they might as well go; just a pity that it had to be over such a petty issue of some Blair bimbos lack of nous.

Short term bonus will be that Gordon will become a foreigner and thus not able to be PM ( I hope ! ), evicted from England along with the other Scots Mafia.