Comments on Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy: Friday Caption Contest

This contest is the gift that keeps on giving - ni...

2008-03-19T11:08:00.000Z

This contest is the gift that keeps on giving - nice one Guido. Do you have a winner?
Plenty of time in the hammock to frame your adjudication.

"Brown's smile never reaches his eyes does it? Two...

2008-03-18T16:07:00.000Z

"Brown's smile never reaches his eyes does it? Two pissholes in the snow, as ever."

"Well only one really, the other one's a dry turd."

A fair point, one of Brown's eyes cannot see the damage he has done to our country, and the other one is made of glass.

Brown to Todd, referring to the bespectacled bloke...

2008-03-18T08:26:00.000Z

Brown to Todd, referring to the bespectacled bloke in the background:

'Yes I know Tony McNulty's an incompetent, smarmy, lying git but so are the rest of my Ministers...'

I'm sorry Gordon, my mind's made up. Whinging bast...

2008-03-17T18:08:00.001Z

I'm sorry Gordon, my mind's made up. Whinging bastard trots and liberal scum are making sure the Tories win the next election and that prospect is so horrible I'm going to top myself.

And finally, from cardy world.......Mrs Dale on h...

2008-03-17T02:16:00.000Z

And finally, from cardy world.......

Mrs Dale on his friend, "Mike."

"I was very shocked to hear of the death this afternoon of Mike Todd, the Chief Constable of Greater Manchester Police. I met Mike on a couple of occasions and was impressed by the innovative policing he was overseeing in Manchester. Unfailingly cheerful, he seemed to me to be heading to the top. His body was found on a Welsh mountain today. I am sure his colleagues in Manchester will be absolutely devastated by the news, as he was hugely popular."

Mrs Dale's tasteful, cynical, shallow, meaningless, self-aggrandizing eulogy prompted a massive thirteen comments. None of them from a Tory selection. committee.

peter carter-fuck said... Brown's smile never reac...

2008-03-16T22:02:00.000Z

peter carter-fuck said...
Brown's smile never reaches his eyes does it? Two pissholes in the snow, as ever.

Well only one really, the other one's a dry turd.

Do NOT encourage that freakshow to display his new dental apparatus, it frightens the children - which, come to think of it is not a bad thing.

Come out Gorgon you monocular perverted freakshow, and fuck off.

McSporran:Listen, Sunny Jim, Manchester's for jess...

2008-03-16T21:22:00.000Z

McSporran:

Listen, Sunny Jim, Manchester's for jessies. To go out in Kirkaldy on a Saturday night you need cojones this big.

Plod:

Fuck me, I get no respect. I might as well go and top myself, knowwhatimean?

Brown 'humbled' by Labour backing Michael Todd lea...

2008-03-16T20:14:00.000Z

Brown 'humbled' by Labour backing

Michael Todd leads from the front

Those were the days my friend.

Body of Manchester chief constable found at foot of cliff in Snowdonia

Support for Labour hits 25-year low

Brown's smile never reaches his eyes does it? Two ...

2008-03-16T20:06:00.000Z

Brown's smile never reaches his eyes does it? Two pissholes in the snow, as ever.

Wassup Gary!Nearly midday in UK and you haven't po...

2008-03-16T11:39:00.000Z

Wassup Gary!

Nearly midday in UK and you haven't posted!

Never a worry sport, I'll do it for you, you cretin.

Please, please, please, in the name of decency Guido, I appeal to you to put an end to this gross and shameful blog. A family is in mourning .... err... their feelings must be taken into account ....err... a hero just like Prescott ...err... have you no heart? ... err ... shameless, shameless, tut tut tut!

yours,
Gary Elsby (spastic first class, and not affraid to keep proving it is so.)

Have you seen the article in the Observer this mor...

2008-03-16T10:53:00.000Z

Have you seen the article in the Observer this morning?

Labour are planning to bring in official discrimination against white men

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/16/race.gender

Dead man walking - no the one with the red tie.

2008-03-16T10:42:00.000Z

Dead man walking - no the one with the red tie.

Gordon explains using his fingers how many more pr...

2008-03-16T08:05:00.000Z

Gordon explains using his fingers how many more prison places are left.

That's for stepping on my little tootsie, Mikey. ...

2008-03-16T05:05:00.000Z

That's for stepping on my little tootsie, Mikey. But don't fret, the NHS can graft the skin off your arse back onto your shin and it won't cost you a thing!

Extraordinary rendition? Don't ask me!

2008-03-16T04:53:00.000Z

Extraordinary rendition? Don't ask me!

Take that you sod! And don't ever dare tread on m...

2008-03-16T04:41:00.000Z

Take that you sod! And don't ever dare tread on my toes again, you clod-footed plod!

The Great Detective traps his arch-nemesis into gi...

2008-03-16T04:22:00.000Z

The Great Detective traps his arch-nemesis into giving an extraordinary rendition of Nessun Dorma.

Oh Daddy! Daddy! But you promised me you'd get M...

2008-03-16T04:05:00.000Z

Oh Daddy! Daddy! But you promised me you'd get Mr Bean's autograph.

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert t...

2008-03-16T04:02:00.000Z

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

I firmly believe that the 14th of March should, fr...

2008-03-16T00:08:00.000Z

I firmly believe that the 14th of March should, from here on in become a new Bank Holiday, called "Shannon's Day."

Forget talk of "Trafalgar Day", which would only celebrate nuclear war mongers like Lord Nelson, this is a chance for us to honour those who have made the UK what it is today.

My only regret is that Shannon's mother could not have arranged to have given birth to children from liaisons with Asian or black fathers. Had she done so, we could have arranged a statue for her in Trafalgar Square.

In years to come, "Shannon's Day" will be celebrated by everyone wearing track suit bottoms (stolen from Primark), getting smashed on alcopops and projectile vomiting before having casual sex with someone they met in the pub less than an hour before.

14th of March....mark it in your diaries.

You're my bescht mate. Honesht.

GETTING IN ON THE ACTLet it not be thought that Nu...

2008-03-15T23:42:00.000Z

GETTING IN ON THE ACT

Let it not be thought that NuLabour could govern over and give rise to a society in which a missing child belongs to a dysfunctional family where her mother allegedly has 7 children by 5 fathers and her stepfather is, at 22 yrs old, 10 years younger than the mother and 13 years older than the child. The local MP Shaheed Malik, a Minister in the Department of International Development, will be there to reassure his electorate. All's well. McNulty got into the act too.

MP VISITS SHANNON'S FAMILY

HECKMONDWIKE'S MP has visited missing Shannon Matthews' mother, Karen, and family at her home.
Shahid Malik said he had also spoken to police and people in Dewsbury Moor.

He said: "Karen is distraught and the family devastated, they just want to be a whole family again. Mother's Day must have been terribly traumatic for Karen and while each day goes by without news concern for Shannon's welfare becomes greater but importantly whilst there is no news there is still hope."

Mr Malik confirmed that he had had discussions about Shannon's disappearance with government police minister Tony McNulty, who visited Dewsbury on Monday.

The minister also paid tribute to the efforts of Det Supt Andy Brennan and Chief Supt Barry South: "I know the police have thrown unprecedented resources at this and that some 300 officers, including 60 specialist detectives are leaving no stone unturned. We're all praying that Shannon is found safe and well.

"It is very important that the public continues to come forward with information, no matter how small or insignificant they think it may be, because it may well prove to be crucial."

Mr Malik also praised locals: "The way in which our community has pulled together and volunteered time and effort is something with which we can all rightly be proud – it's a powerful signal of how much the community cares about Shannon and our desire to have her back home where she belongs."

Mr Malik said the community could not return to normality until Shannon, who disappeared after school two weeks ago on February 19was safely returned.

Last Updated: 04 March 2008 5:26 PM
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Dewsbury MP Shahid Malik said: "I would like to congratulate the outstanding police operation and also the unprecedented resources that were deployed in the search for Shannon. It was this meticulous and dedicated approach which led the police earlier today to the property in Lidgate Gardens, which resulted in Shannon being found and a 39-year-old man being arrested.

"The whole town and country will celebrate with Dewsbury today and there will be a collective sigh of relief across the United Kingdom. In cases such as this after 24 days there tends to be no happy ending."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have never seen more than 200 comments being lef...

2008-03-15T23:39:00.000Z

I have never seen more than 200 comments being left on a blog, resulting in a "newer / newest" label appearing. Wow!

How much of this is due to you leaving comment moderation off?

I only ask because I'm struggling to get most comments on my blog to go into double figures and, of those, half of them are from some trannie called Verity.

Dear Mr Anonymous at 11.08 pmAh, now I understand....

2008-03-15T23:26:00.000Z

Dear Mr Anonymous at 11.08 pm

Ah, now I understand. Thank you. I think that's enough now, don't you, about Scotchmen wanking themselves to death; either up mountains or in the Downing St toilets. These are matters best left to a prime minister and his assistants, Messrs Kneepads White and Toilets Maguire and this is, after all, a family blog. Not the fucking Guardian.

As for the caption, perhaps Nancy is saying:

"When you've fucked all the women under your command, chief constable, and wrecked their marriages, destroyed your wife's self esteem and made a complete cunt of yourself, maybe you could try the home secretary, hers hang down to here."

BREAKING NEWSKen Livingstone received a secret don...

2008-03-15T23:18:00.000Z

BREAKING NEWS

Ken Livingstone received a secret donation from a property developer with a conviction for fraud after the London mayor championed the businessman’s plan for a 46-storey skyscraper.

Gerald Ronson, the tycoon jailed for his role in the Guinness share-dealing scandal, wrote a cheque to Livingstone for £4,990 – just £10 below the £5,000 threshold at which donations have to be publicly registered with the Electoral Commission.

A spokesman for Livingstone, who is seeking a third term as mayor in May’s London elections, last night refused to reveal whether there were any other similar hidden donations.

Boris Johnson, the Tory mayoral candidate, declares every donation to his campaign over £1,000. But Livingstone has never made any declaration as a "regulated donee"

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article3559483.ece

Dear Stanislav, Mr,, and at 7.38Mea maxima culpa –...

2008-03-15T23:08:00.000Z

Dear Stanislav, Mr,, and at 7.38

Mea maxima culpa – in my original post which mentioned Bob Cock I omitted your “and died”. Rather important...