Comments on Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy: Weaning News

The midwife told Mr Sane she was making the formul...

2008-01-23T23:22:00.000Z

The midwife told Mr Sane she was making the formula milk too thick and making baby put on lots of weight. She told her she was breast feeding and the midwife told her she should bottle her milk!

Breast is best but you've got to get them off it at some point otherwise you end up like those sick women I saw on the telly last year breast feeding their kids at like 7 or 8 years old.

Stop it you perv!

2008-01-23T22:27:00.000Z

Stop it you perv!

I heard that a dram of whiskey/tot of rum/whatever...

2008-01-23T21:48:00.000Z

I heard that a dram of whiskey/tot of rum/whatever of brandy/(fill in measure of Mrs Fawkes favourite spirit) drunk by the lactating mother 1 hour before the last feed does wonders for baby insomnia.

Commiserations to you both.

It too will pass.

[We bottle fed our two.]

what is this weaning you people talk of?

2008-01-23T20:38:00.000Z

what is this weaning you people talk of?

You are mary Ann Sieghart! Well done. Now tell us ...

2008-01-23T17:32:00.000Z

You are mary Ann Sieghart! Well done. Now tell us about your trouble with builders.....

Godfrey's Cordial, that's what you need, although ...

2008-01-23T17:25:00.000Z

Godfrey's Cordial, that's what you need, although it might be a bit difficult to get hold of nowadays. An 18th-19th century patent medicine guaranteed to "prevent the crying of children in pain when in want of proper nourishment". Typically compounded from brandy, treacle and opium, in variable quantities. You could probably knock up some yourself at home. That should sort out little Ms Fawkes's caterwauling.

Hope someone warned you that the first five years,...

2008-01-23T17:11:00.000Z

Hope someone warned you that the first five years, they're the worst. And the second five years, they're the worst as well. After that you go into a bit of a decline.

(with acknowledgements to Marvin the Paranoid Android)

Guido, the solution is quite clear. You need a Fre...

2008-01-23T16:45:00.000Z

Guido, the solution is quite clear. You need a French holiday!

Old Scottish sayingYOU CANT BREED TAME RABBITS FRO...

2008-01-23T16:09:00.000Z

Old Scottish saying

YOU CANT BREED TAME RABBITS FROM WILD ONES

"demanding mother's milk and only mother's milk"Ye...

2008-01-23T15:31:00.000Z

"demanding mother's milk and only mother's milk"
Yes, mix n'match doesn't work, has to one or t'other but not both. Some formula can be hard - my eldest couldn't stomach one with added iron.

At six months need to try baby rice, get some bulk into her. A little scrambled egg is good too.

Too bad the old style Gripe Water isn't around anymore, that baby was fighting off snakes !

Have fun, it's worth it, really !

"My husband actually bored my daughter into sleepi...

2008-01-23T14:04:00.000Z

"My husband actually bored my daughter into sleeping through the night"

This has probably set the pattern for her relationships with men in the future

My mother used to mix in a little bit of Tizer in ...

2008-01-23T13:50:00.000Z

My mother used to mix in a little bit of Tizer in my bottle. Never did me any harm.

Of course you should have thought about the sleepl...

2008-01-23T13:36:00.000Z

Of course you should have thought about the sleepless nights BEFORE you had kids. My youngest is seven years old and still gets us all up in the middle of the night. Reason? GROWING PAINS!

Mongoose - Nappy rash: good old zinc&castoroil cre...

2008-01-23T13:04:00.000Z

Mongoose - Nappy rash: good old zinc&castoroil cream, lavishly spread.

Stick a teat on a bottle of Margaux and you'll hav...

2008-01-23T12:08:00.000Z

Stick a teat on a bottle of Margaux and you'll have no more problems.

Styraight to Guinness is best by far - with a chas...

2008-01-23T12:02:00.000Z

Styraight to Guinness is best by far - with a chaser last thing.

"Guido is too tired to even want alcohol..."And Di...

2008-01-23T11:59:00.000Z

"Guido is too tired to even want alcohol..."

And Diagio shares crash!

Any connection?

You have probably done this already, but do try a ...

2008-01-23T11:52:00.000Z

You have probably done this already, but do try a whole variety of different formula milks. We were having a nightmare with Cow&Gate and SMA and then tried Aptamil and it slipped down a treat. So shuffle around a bit...Also if she's six months now, try moving onto Formula level 2 or even 3, as they grow out of liking the early ones pretty forcefully! Finally, try different bottles and teat sizes - I've got a seven month old who's on teat size 3 and formula level 3 and is happy eating, whereas all other combinatios were a disaster.

Keep baby in bed with mother - buy a bigger bed if...

2008-01-23T11:51:00.000Z

Keep baby in bed with mother - buy a bigger bed if necessary. Feed on demand if she can - sleep when baby sleeps. Not suitable for anyone trying to hold down a job.

Our third shared a bed with us until he was 18 months. It's not as restrictive as you'd think - it's amazing what they'll sleep through.

baby rice has no nutritional value.... breast milk...

2008-01-23T11:48:00.000Z

baby rice has no nutritional value.... breast milk is the best possible food, and is a complete food, even exclusively feeding up to 12 months in age, although in reality baby will probably want solids before then.

Wonderful - bottles shaped like breasts and servin...

2008-01-23T11:44:00.000Z

Wonderful - bottles shaped like breasts and serving warm milk - we chaps could all use something like that to send off to sleepy-byes happy and contented!

Seriously, accidentally "spilling" a little brandy, easily obtainable at all good estaminets in France, into the bottle has been known to work.

Suffering succotash!... if only I could have laid ...

2008-01-23T11:41:00.000Z

Suffering succotash!... if only I could have laid a bet on Guido's blog covering the joys of expressing milk, I could have put all the worries of the world's impending financial doom to rest.

5 months no sleep and counting here with no2, the ...

2008-01-23T11:37:00.000Z

5 months no sleep and counting here with no2, the idea of drinking and going out seems ever more fantastical...luckily gordon brown has spotted this and massive tax rises will soon impose this on all and not just those crazy enough to breed.

coat mummy's milk tops in onions and then proffer ...

2008-01-23T11:16:00.000Z

coat mummy's milk tops in onions and then proffer to baby. baby will like the bottle after that

Got any remedies for nappy rash?(Pull yourself tog...

2008-01-23T11:15:00.000Z

Got any remedies for nappy rash?

(Pull yourself together, Fawkes. FFS - baby chatter?)