Spot the Difference

Spot the difference : Naomi met Gordon in Downing Street today. Known to be hot-tempered, she was once charged with second degree assault after allegedly hitting her assistant. The assistant needed four stitches to her head after being hit by a mobile phone following a row according to NYPD. The other has so far missed his target.

Competition Winner

This explanation of Labour's policy on a Scottish referendum on independence seemed definitive:

On even days we are in favour, on odd days we are against; but as to what we are for or against we haven`t a clue.

So "Anonymous" wins the book. If he or she could get in touch...

Position Sought

Strangely Joe's public online CV neglects to mention his time as the Labour Party's London Region Press Officer and the weeks he spent campaigning for Ken's re-election recently. Strange...

OK, Now You Can Let Rip in the Comments

So contrary to early reports and rejoicing this morning on the unpopular blogs, Guido is still at liberty. Sentenced to a 3 year driving ban, plus 3 month curfew. No excuses, Guido pleaded guilty.

Mrs Fawkes laughed at the news, she has been trying to get her husband home early for years. Guido attributes his shameful behavior to excess alcohol and an early reading of P J O'Rourke's Republican Party Reptile*.

Thanks to all those of you who sent best wishes, and to the not at all obsessed, T** I****** for turning up to offer, errm, support in the public gallery. Having demurred to the offer of an alcohol treatment program, Guido will continue to drink and now be chauffeur-driven home early.

*The Platform of the Republican Party Reptiles:

“I think our agenda is clear. We are opposed to: government spending, Kennedy kids, seat-belt laws, busing our children anywhere other than Yale, trailer courts near our vacation homes, all tiny Third World countries that don’t have banking secrecy laws, aerobics, the UN, taxation without tax loop­holes, and jewelry on men. We are in favor of: guns, drugs, fast cars, free love (if our wives don’t find out), a sound dollar, and a strong military with spiffy uniforms. There are thousands of people in America who feel this way, especially after three or four drinks. If all of us would unite and work together, we could give this country. . . well, a real bad hangover.”

Of course there is nothing unusual about tagging for a blogger...

Boris Hasn't Got the Trots

Over at Harry's Place and elsewhere on the left-wing blogosphere they are hyperventilating about the appointment of Munira Mirza, who has been hired by Boris to be his race relations adviser, to the consternation of many on both the left and the right. Some on the left claimed she was a member or a former member of the RCP sect. As did some on the right.

So Guido asked Munira -

"Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Revolutionary Communist Party?"

She quickly pointed out to Guido "I think the RCP was disbanded while I was still at school. I wasn't a member." Doh!

Guido has just got off the phone with Joe Derrett, who works in the Mayor's press office - for now - he has for some years handled press requests for interviews with the Mayor. Guido asked him if he was "surprised to still have a job?" "Why?" he said defensively. "Aren't you the former London Regional Labour Party Press Officer?" "Errr, I've got to go to a meeting." he claimed. Somehow Guido suspects Joe won't be in tune with the new order at City Hall for long...

Prize Competition Closing 5pm :Explain the Labour Party's Position on a Scottish Referendum

Still not sure Guido knows what the Labour Party's policy is on a Scottish independance referendum. Mind you nor do Wendy and Gordon. Perhaps they have taken devolution to the logical conclusion with different policies in Westminster and Edinburgh.

If you can explain the policy in an amusing and definitive way there is still time. Guido will give a copy of the best book on how to win a referendum - "White Elephant - How the North East Said No" - to anyone who can explain, definitively the Labour Party's position on a Scottish referendum in less than 50 words. Answers in the comments please.

+++ PMQs : Gordon Wishes Rangers Luck - They Lose 2-0 +++

During the PMQs live chat the co-conspirators immediately predicted Glasgow Rangers would lose to St. Petersburg as soon as Gordon wished them well. They lost the UEFA cup final 2-0 tonight. John Reid will be laughing...

Multi-Millionaire Clegg Claims Tax Free Allowance99% of the Maximum Legally Allowed

So we wait 48 days for something that Nick Clegg said should be published immediately* and it breaks down as follows:

Additional Costs Allowance he claimed £23,083.00

100% of the maximum £23,083 legally allowed.

Incidental Expenses Provision claim £20,926.63

98% of the maximum £21,339 legally allowed.

Guido wonders why it took so long to add up. Does this restore your trust in politicans?

UPDATE : Checking the back of an envelope, at the 40% rate that is equivalent to gross pay of £74,036 on top of his salary - effectively doubling his salary for home improvements.

*"His "publish immediately" demand here. Detailed breakdown here.

Labour Activists : "We Want Miliband"

LabourHome has started doing a tracker poll, if it is good enough for ConservativeHome and PoliticsHome it is good enough for them.

Good news and bad news for Gordon, the good news is he is rated higher than his Chancellor. The bad news is he scored the second lowest out of the cabinet...

Most Labour activists rate Miliband highest, followed by Alan Johnson. Would Guido be completely crazy to suspect that this isn't really a 1 to 10 performance rating, but a proxy for "Who would you rather lead the Labour Party?" Of course it is...

+++ Live PMQs Chat Here 11.45 +++

We will be watching Daily Politics. Would a co-conspirator like to volunteer to be a moderator? Basically let everything pass with few exceptions even if it upsets Suzanne Moore. No drinking before midday. Email Guido.Fawkes@order-order.com.

+++ Committee on Standards and Privileges Rejects Speaker Taxi Complaint +++

83% Don't Want the Gordon Dummy

Tamsin Thrice Denies Gordon is an Asset

Via the Crown Blog the cringe making More4 News interview where Tamsin is asked three times if Gordon is "an asset or a liability?":

We already know the answer Tamsin, we just wanted to hear you say it...

You'll Be Fired Gordon

Unbelievably Hazel Blears also flashed her Cabinet notes a la Ms Flint, so now we know that she intended to raise the possibility of Gordon starring in an Alan Sugar style TV show.

Please do it Gordon, with your charisma and natural ability as a performer it will be worth hundreds of thousands of votes for the opposition.

Guido thought the Brown era signalled the end of the celebrity culture? 'I'll have nothing to do with celebrity culture,' he told the Indy. That was of course before Carter used Shakira, Beckham, Clooney and Kylie to sprinkle some stardust on the dour PM.

Talking of Carter, Guido is eagerly awaiting the latest edition of PR Week, which is rumoured to be working on a story that one of the new PR hires wants out already. Another David Pitt-Watson debacle in the making. Perhaps they realise that putting "PR for Gordon" may not look too good on their CV after all...

Unfunded Tax Cuts - Hooray!

At last a policy from the government that Guido can support. Let us hear no more from Labour politicians about Tory "unfunded tax cuts". The government is going to have to go to the City to borrow the extra £2.7 billion...

Prize Competition :Explain the Labour Party's Position on a Scottish Referendum

Could someone please explain, in 50 words or less, the Labour Party position on a referendum?

Following the Labour Group in the Scottish Parliament's meeting on Tuesday (6 May) their Convener, Duncan McNeil, said: "No one in the room had any complaints about the decision that has been taken and we are now in a position where, as a group, we will not vote down any Referendum Bill that comes into the Parliament. That's the change in the Labour group's position today." Wendy Alexander told us "I was delighted that at the Labour group today not a single colleague advocated the position that we should walk into the lobbies and vote down Scotland's right to choose."

Previously Labour's position was that it would oppose an attempt by Alex Salmond's SNP to hold a referendum in 2010 on freeing Scotland from Westminster rule. Now their position is that it will all come down to "timescale" and "wording". Some of them are even saying they will vote against a referendum bill. The Labour Group came out of a meeting today looking sullen and refused to answer direct questions. They have u-turned again. Guido will give a copy of the best book on how to win a referendum - "White Elephant - How the North East Said No" - to anyone who can explain, definitively the Labour Party's position on a Scottish referendum in less than 50 words. Answers in the comments please.

'Ello 'Ello 'Ello

A co-conspirator emails:

Seen today in Portcullis House: Assistant Commissioner John Yates. Wonder what he’s doing here…?

This Leak Enquiry Should Be Easy

Careful examination of the photographic evidence reveals that it is the manicured finger of Ms Flint that is holding this morning's Cabinet briefing* for public viewing. She should be charged under Section 8 of the Official Secrets Act 1989 for failing "to take such care to prevent its unauthorised disclosure as a person in his/[her] position may reasonably be expected to take."

The final sentence visible concludes, in bold type, that most importantly: "... it is vital that we show that at this time of uncertainty we show that we are on people's side". You see that is the thing with New Labour politicians, what they care most about is covering their arse. Not that they would think to introduce an emergency growth package as Bush has done in the U.S., or cut taxes to boost growth like they have elsewhere in Europe. No, the most important thing is that they push their disingenuous spin slogan that they are "on people's side". That should do it...

*They don't have a clue - 5%, 10% or more falls in property prices possible. Government has of course guaranteed the mortgage market with taxpayers money.

So the Answer is "No"

The official report of yesterday morning's Lobby briefing is the usual waste of time and evasive non-answers from the PMS. However this bit of obsfucation amused Guido:

Asked if the Prime Minister was happy, the PMS said that the Prime Minister, as he had said himself before, believed that he had the best job in the world and he was focusing on meeting the priorities of the British people; that’s what we were doing today and what we would be doing for the days and weeks ahead.

"No" in other words...

Brown Loses Compass, Neal Lawson Calls for Him to Go

Neal Lawson runs Compass which is the liveliest of Labour's soft-left factional campaigning organisations. He is a prickly character, some will attribute his knifing of Gordon today (Indy) to a mixture of disappointment and perhaps irritation that post-Blair he has neither been listened to, nor given any preferment by Gordon. He might not have taken up a position in Gordon's big tent, but it would have been nice to have been asked...

Compass was a strategic part of the "coalition of the willing" to unseat Blair, so Lawson should accept some of the responsibility for saddling Labour with Brown. The month after Brown took office Lawson wrote a piece for the Guardian gushing like a school girl:

The skilfully engineered bounce witnessed in the first days of Gordon Brown's premiership could be turned into something more: a political earthquake. The time is ripe not just for a better Labour government but for a shift in the centre of gravity of politics decisively to the left. Brown could be the first Labour leader since Clement Attlee to recast British society - not by taking small steps but giant leaps. This is why. Once in every generation a political revolution takes place in which thinking and behaviour shifts not just by degrees but qualitatively. It happened in 1945 under Labour, as the experience of the war and the economic depression before it heralded the centralised welfare state.

He concluded his paean with a quote from the left-wing theorist Gramsci: "The challenge of modernity is to live without illusions, without becoming disillusioned." Well today he has himself failed Gramsci's challenge, his disillusionment is total. He complains that since Gordon funked calling an election in October he has been an "unmitigated disaster". Gordon's "responses have been both wrong and weak" or merely "dog whistle policies". How hard it must be for Lawson and his Compass followers, who connived with the Brownies so long to make life difficult for Blair, to see left-wing hopes crushed as Labour now campaigns on an authoritarian agenda, promising "British jobs for British workers", attacking the Tories for being soft on foreigners and ID cards so soon after publicly taking tea with Mrs Thatcher. Gordon is now reviled both by the vindicated Blairites and the disillusioned left. The worry for the Tories must be that the factions might just unite to dispatch Brown early...

Crewe & Nantwich Betting

After seeing some of the LibDem campaign literature and the undeniable fact that the Labour odds have lengthened even further, Guido has covered his bet taking the hit and cutting his losses on that Labour bet.

The LibDems are not repeating the mistake they made in the Mayorals. They attacked Boris when the public was moving towards the Tories. This election they are going with the popular flow and attacking Labour. Their advertising says "Send a Message to Gordon Brown". They might take some votes from disillusioned Labour voters who can't bring themselves to vote Tory. More bad news for Tamsin...

Levy Sweats it Out

Just got back from popping in on Sleazy Levy's book launch for A Question of Honour. Guido doesn't usually do the London political scene cocktail circuit, however for Levy, well, Guido thought he would make an exception. The venue (Daunts in Marylebone) was not air-conditioned and the sweat was dripping off the guests. Guido didn't waste much time hanging about.

The place was filled to gills with hacks and Guido had to push a few out of the way to make it to the drinks (sorry Emily). Admittedly Guido left early and the only MP Guido spotted was Charles Clarke. Perhaps the PM or the Blairs will drop in later, or perhaps not...

The Profundity of the Punditry : Janet Daley

Still looking for examples of Janet Daley's stunning insights into Gordon Brown from last year. Send any gems you have found to Guido.Fawkes@Order-Order.com...

Incidentally the Telegraph today repeats the mistake that the Tories have not taken a seat from Labour in a by-election for "30 years", a mistake also made by the Sunday Times yesterday. That error was compounded by the article claiming Margaret Thatcher's constituency was Grantham. Mistakenly they refer back to the famous Ilford North by-election of 1978 which presaged the fall of Jim Callaghan's government. In fact the Tories more recently gained Mitcham & Morden from Labour in a 1982 by-election, when Maggie was of course actually MP for Finchley.

Balls Bashes Field for Brown

Ed Balls has just given an on the record briefing to the Lobby, the subject was Frank Field's comments re-broadcast on Today this morning:

"I think people could look at what he was saying a few weeks ago and believe at that time that his intentions were honourable. As for what he said this morning I think I leave you to draw your own conclusions from that... I think it is very unlikely... that Frank Field will support any proposals that are brought forward by the government."

So the 10p tax debacle is all Frank Field's fault...

Northern Rock Shareholders Offer to Buy Bankrupt Labour Party

click to enlarge

The letter from the Northern Rock Shareholders Action Group makes an offer of £100 for the Labour Party and gives "the existing Party members the opportunity to buy it back in 5 years time at the same price". This will give the Labour Party a "period of temporary private ownership under a new management team…which may well give it the breathing space it needs to recover and protect the interests of all the stakeholders." Well they are bankrupt and those are reasonable terms, better than the Treasury offered...

Jason and the Illiterates

If you are going to make classical references, best you spell 'em correctly...

Hat-tip : Phil Donohue

Burma : Send in the Bombers

Nick Cohen is surely right that we should send in the bombers to Burma. All the pious hand-wringing is worthless in the face of Burmese intransigence. The West has the military capability to arrange airdrops of medical supplies and food. We did something similar when the Communists tried to starve Western Berlin. Perhaps the Luftwaffe and the airforces of some of the less robust European states could take the lead for once, since they seem less willing to take risks in the Middle East.

Not an ideal solution admittedly, but it is surely better than sitting impotently around the UN security council. Kouchner, the French Foreign Minister once hired a ship to rescue boat people fleeing the Communists in Vietnam. Go on Kouchner, give the Armée de l'Air something to do...

UPDATE : Reading between the lines Dave supports sending in "unilateral aid". In the comments a co-conspirator reminds us of Operation Manna, the World War II effort using Lancaster Bombers to bombard the starving Netherlands with 6850 tonnes of food during one week in May 1945.

Rich & Mark's Monday Morning Views

Leaked MoD Report : Impoverished Soldiers Can't Afford Food
Indy on Sunday

Coming Next Week : Holding the Punditry to Account

The exasperated collective counter-attack by the establishment Commentariat on bloggers has inspired Guido to start a new regular feature. When the great and the good assembled at the RSA last Wednesday, shepherded by Julia Hobsbawm, John Lloyd (in absentia) and Matthew Taylor*, to bemoan their diminished status, they drew the battle-lines for a battle that should be joined and won for the blogosphere. The Commentariat desperately want to maintain their monopoly role as media gate-keepers, as the sub-edited filters of democracy and the monopoly producers of public commentary. Guido has said this before; in an age of near costless technological disintermediation "the news" is no longer what they say it is, we can make the news ourselves, unfiltered by the metropolitan media elite. Successful boutique news sources are proliferating. The media Goliaths now face an army of blogging Davids...

A lot of what was said at the Editorial Intelligence event was plain ignorant, the conflation of blog writing with blog comment interaction in particular. It is true that the comments left here and on the Guardian's CiF can be pretty vitriolic and profane, but they are genuinely reflective of what readers really think. Polly Toynbee hates the contradictory "barrage" of comments that follow her articles because she has an over-inflated view of the value of her analysis. Many of us only read her articles for the pleasure of seeing them torn to shreds in the comments that interactively follow. Polly is highly paid and successful because she is a provocative columnist, not because she is a better analyst of social affairs than Frank Field. That is a valuable hack talent she shares with Richard Littlejohn...

The fear and ignorance heard last Wednesday did not showcase the "Power of the Commentariat", it highlighted their decline. They are weakened and rightly so, for they have time and time again failed to hold political power to account successfully. Proximity breeds compromise and the politico-media class has for example tolerated lying about expenses by politicians for decades and that toleration spread to tolerating spin, which is as often as not professional lying. Democracy is worse off because the Commentariat are compromised by being so embedded in the political class - or as Polly Toynbee explains "in sympathy with politicians".

Laughably the Commentariat simultaneously fear and deride what they perjoratively term the "cult of the amateur". The irony of this is not lost on Guido. The pundits of the unpopular press really need a re-think here, very few journalists earn as much as top bloggers. Guido can think of a few lone website owners who produce their content and make far more than most journalists of the Dead Tree Press. They are also profit making publishers, unlike the Independent, Guardian and Telegraph.

This misplaced arrogance of the Commentariat deserves a research-based response. The writings of the Commentariat no longer just end up as fish and chip wrapping, their writing is accessible via the internet forever. So tomorrow, hopefully with the assistance of the wisdom of the blogging crowds, Guido will start putting the profundity of their punditry in context and under the microscope, starting with Janet Daley.

What did she, with all her intellectual authority, tell us about Gordon Brown last summer? Feel free to be profane...

*Matthew Taylor has complained bitterly about bloggers before. Contrast Taylor's attitude to Rupert Murdoch's attitude to the democratising of commentary. Overwhelmingly the Commentariat basically has a protectionist attitude, the increasing pluralism of news sources scares them because it devalues them. Shrewdly and counter-intuitively, Murdoch has an enabling attitude, expanding by freeing the market for commentary. He gets it.

ICM Whisper Number Puts By-Election Closer Than Thought

An ICM poll for the Mail on Sunday tomorrow will put it neck and neck in Crewe & Nantwich, with the Tories on 43% to Labour's 39% and the LibDems trailing far behind on 16%. Believe it or not Guido has backed Labour on Betfair on the back of this, their 3.5 price seemed a bit rich given the narrow 4% difference.

What will have the mobile phone ricocheting around No. 10 is the startling finding that Labour voters would rather have Cameron than Brown as PM. Gordon is dead man ranting.

Class War By-Election

This is from an official Labour leaflet being distributed in the poorer socio-economic areas of Crewe & Nantwich. You can't be wealthy and vote-worthy apparently. Do they realise that Gordon is a multi-millionaire?* Point 4 is real knuckle-dragging dog-whistle stuff. Surprised they didn't stick on a picture of Gordon with a Union Jack and quote his "British Jobs for British Workers" speech. Desperate times require desperate tactics...

Incidentally, the Tory candidate's farmhouse is nowhere near as grand as, say, David Miliband's multi-million pound inherited home...

*Gordon's assets include a pension package, paid for by you, worth over £2 million.

By-Election, What By-Election Prime Minister?

Guido can imagine Stephen Carter telling a heavily sedated Brown on Wednesday after PMQs of the plans for the weekend:-

Carter : We're going somewhere nice for the weekend, get some sunshine. We have booked a trip to the Eden Project in the South West, Cornwall, then on to Plymouth.

Brown: [rocking in his chair] What about the by-election? Where is it?

Carter: No by-election PM, we are going to see the flowers in Cornwall and visit an old peoples home in Plymouth. Take it easy, have a weekend break.

Gordon is on an official visit to Plymouth, which is 251 miles away from Crewe. Brown couldn't be further away if he went to Edinburgh (242 miles), in any event he wouldn't want to go for a weekend rest in Edinburgh now it is under Salmond's control and Wendy is rebelling against him.

Whereas Cameron and Clegg are up in Crewe and Nantwich backing their candidates to the hilt, taking every local photo-op available, Brown's handlers are keeping him as far out of sight as possible. No doubt fearful of the inevitable consequences of the Jonah curse of the one eyed son of the manse...

UPDATE : At the old people's home, Gordon was introduced to Maisie Wright, 94. "Hello, I'm Gordon Brown, the prime minister" he said as he proffered his hand. "That's nice" replied Maisie, "Wilf over there thinks he is Jesus Christ." Old, but good.

Like Al Gore Invented the Internet,Gordon Reckons A Brit Invented the iPod

In that interview with Fern yesterday Gordon claimed a Brit invented the iPod. Which will come as news to Tony Fadell, born and educated in Michigan. He also claimed hospitals were now clean...

Called to Account

Clegg's office just called. They will be handing the aforementioned expense claim details for Clegg over* on Wednesday. Can't wait to find out if he has spent on bedroom furnishings...

*See what Guido did there?

Friday Caption Contest (Tamsin's Crewe Edition)

This caption contest uses an old photo from Tamsin's days as a Welsh AM. Alas Gordon has yet to be seen in Crewe and Nantwich putting his curse on her campaign to inherit her mother's seat.

Could this photo have the same Jonah effect as the one Gordon had with Ken? Here's hoping...

The Blog You Love, They Hate

Julia Hobsbawm's Editorial Intelligence held a soiree at the RSA on Wednesday about the "Power of the Commentariat". They had surveyed a hundred or so of the pundit class and invited them to the event to discuss their findings. The great and the good of the chatterati voted Polly Toynbee the most influential columnist and (outside Big Media) Guido the most influential blogger in Britain. Some of the great and the good didn't like that one little bit.

What insight did these editorial titans take from that? Simon Jenkins, Suzanne Moore, Charles Clarke and Polly obsessed about the uncouth comments from the co-conspirators and CiFers. They are the people. The people you don't meet at Hampstead dinner parties or in the village deli of your Italian villa. The people who are sick and tired of the metropolitan elite can now tell you so at the bottom of your own article. Polly clearly hates the indignity of being told she is wrong by the CiF mob where her colleagues can see it and laugh along. They really don't like it up 'em do they?

Polly basically said Guido can't be good because he doesn't like politicians. Simon Jenkins reckoned Guido, Dale and ConservativeHome were too SW1-focused. Charles Clarke said we were self obssessed (nobody laughed). Suzanne Moore said Guido is a wanker in his bedroom. Daniel Finkelstein was the only one of the Commentariat to defend bloggers.

Lets deal with these in order:

• Guido is cynical about politicians and their motives - as are most people outside the Commentariat - so what? Is that the wrong approach? Not in Guido's judgement, forinstance apart from Matthew Parris, who of the Commentariat said Gordon Brown would be a total disaster and found out as such rapidly? From right to left he was applauded and lauded by the entire herd of metropolitan chatterers.
  
• Guido does despise most politicians, unlike Polly, who showed her good judgement in boosting Gordon Brown so fervently. Now by her own admission, though even recently so full of admiration, she realises he is not up to the job.
  
• Guido, Dale and Tim Montgomerie are political bloggers, so it would be odd if we did not in fact write about Westminster where they do, errrm, politics.
  
• Charles Clarke's comment is very odd because he is so full of amour propre as to be risible.
  
• The humourless feminazi Suzanne Moore has said it before and she is still wrong. Guido has an office...
  

If you can bring yourself to listen to them whine at length, the podcast is here. Of the voices heard only Hobsbawm, Finkelstein and a chap from Microsoft "got it", he said he thought it sounded like he had entered a room full of whigs complaining about pamphleteers. Exactly.