Friday Caption Contest*
*Since last week there were complaints that it was a fix, Guido has gone back to not giving out prizes. That'll learn ya...
Friday, July 4, 2008
*Since last week there were complaints that it was a fix, Guido has gone back to not giving out prizes. That'll learn ya...
141 comments:
The trip home from IKEA was never going to be fun on the bus
Apart from Dave....who the fuck are this lot? Looks like the 'Brothers Baldy' (left + right; Mr Nerd in the glasses & a KGB minder in the background.
Don't understand Guido.
The old MFI was best.
So, you see how easy it is to assemble
this exquisite corner cabinet or dwarf
wardrobe from the er...distributor behind, without the instructions...
The Blears box prooved a hit with some dirty old men in the Aldi carpark.
"I am Spartacus". "No! I am Spartacus!"
They're going nowhere without Dave's bike wheels put back on the chariots. Bloody hoodies again, I suppose.....
man on left: hmmm, wanking with my left hand just doesn't feel as good as with my right.
Where's the hooker to give me a gobble.
Dave holds a cabinet meeting.
I can stand here all day shooting the breeze with a bunch of provincial accountants and building society branch managers and I can still stuff Labour in the polls.
new eco-euro-urinals installed at northern station.. men on left thinks they're great, man on right gets bashful bladder so talks instead..
Dave sinks lower than John Major, as he fails to understand that you have to STAND on the soap-box....
Cameron tries out IKEA's new Zimmer frame.
When I become Prime Minister I will unleash this crack team of suburban ninjas to remove Gary Elsby's mickey with a blunt knife, stuff it in his mouth and then beat him to death with a copy of the Spectator wrapped around a brick.
It's nice out isn't it ?
Yeah, the weather's nice too.
With thanks to Eric Morcambe
"...and here's two I deselected earlier."
word verify: "mynkocht"
Brown discovers GUI?
These cardboard boxes are the future of British housing....my investors see these as suited to first-time buyers
Recyclable portable glory holes launched by Tory ‘Head’.
Please feel free to watch my new political satirical animation:
http://www.bluelou.net/hpnodarling.html.
OK. I'm going to bury Gordon and Dominic will bury David Davis. These three stiffs gave us a very good deal on the coffins.
public urinals?
...and the joke is that Quentin Davies stands absolutely no chance of returning to the Conservative party.
OR
As the economic conditions worsen, Dave demonstrates the new range of eco-homes that his incoming Govt. will build - in shop doorways.
Blimey Guido this week is a bit dull.
DC-
Who'll give me £10 for this lovely pair of John Lewis bookcases?
Where have the huskies gone?
Its too late for Brown - the seats going to the SNP - certain -
"Sorry we can't stop, we have a gravy-train to catch".
It was felt by many to be a step too far when eco-friendly DC switched to using a wooden Segway to get around town.
This isnt funny
but what fucking tossers
The cuntry is down the pan and all Camerons "Conservatives" can come up with is
"Im stood here at a bus station with a recycled wardrobe"
as some kind of initiative.
CUNT!
That one in the middle looks like lembit opiks uglier stunt cock double, the one on the far left is probably wanking and the one on the right is holding his cock thinking about Camerons arse.
God help us.
5 wankers and some plywood will save my country and protect my liberties, yeah Im up for that.
FUCK OFF CAMERON YOU COKE SNIFFING KNOB TOUCHER!
Shiny man front and centre:
Roll-up, roll-up policies for sale!
(except for all those that conflict with EU law).
They have changed Hyde Park Corner somewhat, since I last spoke here!
The quality of these boxes is far to good for a Snotgobbler. Which one of them for Hoon?
New Tory Policy Revealed. Passport checks at every rail and bus station!
Tories launch 'Twat -in-a-box' initiative.
Old Bill's new protective kit revealed/ Doubles as a form cabinet! So police can stay outside whilst completing paperwork, thus achieving what the Conservatives have promised... A greater Police Presence!
Lord (Copper) Stevens introduces the new male urinal, while desperate males wait behind??
Dave keeps her head down there while Lord Stevens resorts to masturbation.
Thought I'd raise the tone a little...
Yes, these ARE John Lewis Lecturns !
Iam shocked and suprised how nice trains are,but I prefer helicopters,it keeps me away from the proles.
Idiot standing at the only despatch box he'll ever stand at:
Who am I?
What do I stand for?
What do people see in me?
What do I have to offer?
Will I better the NHS?
Can I redistribute equality?
Can I prove it?
Can you?
If so, do it!
I am but an idiot.
"Im stood here at a bus station with a recycled wardrobe"
(Beast of Clerkenwell)
Well of course he's at a bus station - he's promising us 'jam tomorrow.'
This can't be a bus station wheres all the drunks and chavs,wheres all the litter and chewing gum on the floor
Every MP who isn't claiming dodgy expenses stand behind me now...
" I much prefer nude slappers jumping out of cakes to men in suits "
M&S new range.
"These lads are going on the train...my helicopter is over there"
Ha ha ha, you fucking losers. Why do the twats on here have such a hard-on for Cameron? He is a pinko, eco-friendly Blair II. You just know you lot would love to fondle his balls. Ahhh the spellbinding power of classical education, good manners and a neatly gelled sideshed over the C1 alpha-mong.
The gents toilets at King's Cross-St Pancras look very continental now that Sarkozy is in charge.
Taking the pissoir, surely.....
Dave wonders whose bright idea it was at CCHQ for him to give a talk in the blazing sun wearing a dark suit.
Anonymous said...
Ha ha ha, you fucking losers. Why do the twats on here have such a hard-on for Cameron? He is a pinko, eco-friendly Blair II. You just know you lot would love to fondle his balls. Ahhh the spellbinding power of classical education, good manners and a neatly gelled sideshed over the C1 alpha-mong.
Here speaks a cunt from the Labour troll squad who obviously hasn't read a single comment.
What a smeg-head.
Oh, good-oh, Elsby's floated back up.
Tell us Gary, if you would be so kind, your prognostications for your beloved snot-gobbler and his apparatchiks in the forthcoming GE. Care to hazard a guess as to the likely seats breakdown? I realise that all your cosy self-confidence has been utterly shattered by those beastly BNP who your ungrateful voters preferred over you, but life goes on Gary, the Giro still arrives - for now.
Don't be a stranger.
Take That! looking rough.
Ev'ry body's doin' a brand new dance, now
C'mon baby, do the Locomotion
A chuff-chuffa rhythm like a railroad train, now
C'mon baby do the Locomotion
There's never been a public that's so easy to screw
They even pay your gard'ner and your nanny too
So c'mon, c'mon dooo
The Locomotion with me
Wow, oh yeah,
You gotta fill your boots now, oh c’mon baby
Claim this, claim that,
Well, now I think you got the knack
oh woe woe woe
Now that you can do it, let's make a claim now
C'mon baby, do the Locomotion
A little bit of trust law and a load of gain now
C'mon baby, do the Locomotion
Do it holding hands now, we'll be in control
This is what I mean when I say Rock and Roll
So c'mon, c'mon, dooo
The Locomotion with me
dear anon 2:27 silly boy you put your blog name at the bottom of your post !! tut tut keep on the medication those by elction results jus come in at lab HQ .
re caption comp.
dave tries his hand at rail station luggage portering !! here we see him asking the van driver "oy oy do you want it in the front or the back" the two men standing behind are there to help him with the tip he is expecting in line with being an MP.
Man at C&N ?
'Im sure we've all had that ghastly experience of having to smell the urine of proles & generally simple people, so it gives me enormous pleasure to declare these open-air urinals very much open for business.
To prove my point Lord Stevens is having a massive piss next to me and yet I cant smell a thing, proof I think that this is a great step forward.
I'll move over now as Damian is desperate for a slash.
Man in pink tie: You. Utter. Twat.
So we arranged this knife amnesty initiative and put these boxes outside the House of Commons.
367 Labour MPs handed in knives that could easily have been used to stab an unpopular leader in the back.
Daredevil Dave demonstrates the new Euro-pissoir with NO HANDS!
I would like to demonstrate our committment to the public in cutting costs for our second homes by purchasing only "suppository" furniture, - that means "you put it up yourselves".
Is Cameron saying:
"who needs fucking policies - as long as i do not get caught shovelling coke up my nose off the back of a Lithuanian hooker in Hyde Park I will be the next Prime Minister. Fuck, if a retarded monkey from Porton Down was the leader of the opposition he would be the next PM".
Amid chaotic scenes at Uttoxeter bus station, David Cameron launched the Tories' general electern campaign.
Stop the competition - woman on a raft is the winner. No substitutes Guido!
Cameron discussing the concept that it is governments who loose elections, not oppositions who win them.
Dave launches new flat pack policy initiative.
They're lightweight, easily disposable, and you can have them in any colour as long as it's beige.
Dave tries to explain that Boris' new recyclable cardboard Routemaster buses will catch on one day.
Green Dave's enjoying the new portable glory holes, but Davina Milipede is finding them a bit claustrophobic.
Here speaks a cunt from the Labour troll squad who obviously hasn't read a single comment.
What a smeg-head.
Fuck off you wanker. What's funny is you twats trying to be funny about a man you so obviously want to BE. Must be tying you in knots. Plus compare no. of comments with those of last week. Tells its own story
Tories demonstrate new hot-desking initiative to save party funds being used to buy office space.
Altogether now... "Little Boxes..little boxes.....little boxes made of Ticky Tacky ..."!!!
Ahhhhh...I do wish they'd bring back Family Favourites on Radio 2!
Cameron calls emergency press conference to discuss the theft of his office.
Tories rock but UK still reels & rolls.
Oi, you with the pink tie, move to the left more and pretend to be the Speaker....Lord Stevens, turn the box around and face me and pretend to be Ed Willybanned, afterall he'll replace brown when the GE is over,and you other two can pretend to be on the front bench with me....I want to practice my first speach to the house as PM
Five cardboard cutouts seeking a policy platform.
It's been brought to our attention that the revolution is nigh, so we've employed a security company from the USA (with taxpayers money)to supply us with these podium stands, which are bomb, bullet, and knife proof, in fact they are totally indestructible. all we have to do is get inside as soon as we get the nod.
P.S. the owner of the security firm is a mate, the stock sent to the labour party as defects......only cost a small back hander....
And my lecture to our Conservative Members of the European Parliament is entitled:
"The Gravy Train about to leave the Station."
Anxious punters queue to use new outdoor urinals.
As a gesture of cross party rapprochement, Gentleman Dave buys two cartons of 'fries' for John Prescott.
Cameron and his kitchen cabinet.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Please allow me to introduce my "Soapbox Logistics Team" four of the brightest and best only costing the Taxpayers a mere 500k pa each. Their main role is to lug these two soap-boxes around the country, thus ensuring that I can be primed and ready for any photo-opportunity, showing that only the conservatives can lead this country by the clever use of dazzling and polished bullshite.
My personal favorite:
Anonymous said...
Cameron and his kitchen cabinet.
This deserves a prize.
New pop act "The Cunts" promote their new Album "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss"
Dave knew something was wrong when he couldn't see an autocue in front of him ....
New upmarket removals team Layte, Costleigh and Broaken announce their USP:
"See these boxes? Full of a family's valuables. We load them carefully onto a Gravy Train and deliver them wherever you want them. Less our expenses, of course - typically, first class open ticket prices, even if we booked an Awayday Budgetbuster three months ago, travelling after the rush hour. Can't say fairer than that, guv."
(Tannoy: " the helicopter arriving at platform 6 is the Air Cameronfreebie service to Sir Reggie Sheffield's estate, calling at Haltemprice and Howden, where it will wait for 15 minutes")
welcome to border control.
my name's dave.
oh fuck.
Woman on a Raft.
2.33
Brilliant !
Winning Ikea
Cameron announces new green transport policy - piggybacks. The first 4 units are on the rank; pick the one you think will make it to the end of the journey and hop on. Dedicated railway tracks available. "Thanks a bunch for setting him off on a guilt-trip about the helicopter, Guido" chorus delighted MPs.
Thank god that cunt who always ends his boring posts with "Read more of my views at..." hasn't surfaced with some shite, unfunny caption, doubtless ending with "Read more of my views at..."
He's worse than that Elsby, at least Elsby doesn't demand we read any more of his crap than we already have done on here
Is the bloke on the left pulling himself off.
"Today .... all over Britain .... families .... because of the failed policies of Gordon Brown .... are ... as we demonstrate today ..... living without walls or ceilings..."
Whaddya mean 'Where's the 10 Commandments'? Look we've got you the tablets of stone, what else do you want? OK, OK then, be picky, they're not stone. Right? But they're very high quality MDF, and they're much lighter to carry through the desert... Dear God, I bet Moses never had all this bother....
If you look really closely, just above the guy on the lefts hand..looking through the glass Gordon Brown in shades hoping to pinch some new policies.
"Well they did say take me to your leader"
Dave wondered if he should not, for once, follow Brown's example and employ someone like ex-BBC producer Nicola Burdett who had so successfully eliminated embarrassing photographs which might otherwise have turned the Prime Minister into a figure of fun.
Green Dave examines one of the houses for McTwat's new ecotowns. He can't work out where you'd fit the windmill.
Tarantino's remake of Reservoir Dogs quickly ran into trouble when Mr Bland forgot all the sunglasses.
Yes, the other cunt is like me. *)
He is a Scoots-mun, as my lies belong to. But you English are as thick as the Blair Witch CUNT! Lee Jespar must be as happy as Cur Ian Blair. CUNTS!
Trust me: Sarf-Lunduners are getting a bit pissed-off! Enough-off the Scottish-Labour (Baathist) scum! We are [all] ENGLAND!
dave cameron
"you know what I was saying about the conservatives building the foundations and then the walls and then putting the roof on and all that shit?"
we remember dave.
well, the foundations were built on quick sand because the primacy of the british constitution has been undermined by the primacy of the european constitution.
so the house has disappeared into a big, black, corrupt, unaccountable and anti-democratic hole.
but I did manage to save these two mfi cabinets."
well done dave, you completely and utterly useless fucking cunt.
our sovereignty 'tis not yours to give away.
you fucking traitor.
I know things are getting tight!But having to hold meetings outside to save on electric while the government are over there in nice air conditioned office’s, wasn’t what I had in mind when I said “the conservatives will happily do their bit to help the environment & save the tax payers money”!
Sh*t!
That wasn't a caption! That was an essay!
It's time to put on make-up
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the puppets on the Muppet show tonight.
Dave: ...so let me just say this. In this new world of change we need good change, better change and the best news of all is...
Dominic (for it is he): Oh. Fuck. Me.
Suit 1: Who is this twat?
Suit 2: Our next PM
Suit 3 quietly slits wrist
Ray Lewis?
Never heard of him, gov.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
And, to repeat:
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Spelman next.
Why are you ignoring the Ray Lewis story; are you one of the parishoners who lent him money?
Politicians trying out the new French style recyclable urinals.
Bloke on the left in blue tie-
"uhm, not bad, nothing to stop me boots gettin' splashed though"
Bloke in the dark tie talking
"blah blah blah, fuckin 'ell , oo- I've gone all shy and can't pee"
Bloke in the pink tie next in the queue
"why doesn't this prat stop yapping and get on with it---"
This is the coffin we can bury the new Boulton and Co blog in because it is no more, it is an ex blog, it has snuffed it..........
Sorry guys but this was all John Lewis had left.
Look, since the public have been taking an interest in MP's expenses,John Lewis has reported a 47% drop in profits. Here are examples of cheap imported soap boxes, which, frankly just aren't good enough, I want every MP to be able to purchase custom, made to measure de-luxe John Lewis soap-boxes without the scrutiny of the poxy tax-payers. Don't they know how important we are ?
Britain PLC, SOLD! to the foreign looking geezer at the back.
Four bored looking cunts and a piano.
I feel right at home in my portable overnighter and John's already wanking in his!
"I can confirm the two coffins we have purchased today will be to bury new labour in at the next election. The man beside me is spraying them with his sex wee for no other reason than he is a sick cunt!
"With these coffins I do hereby pledge ..."
Cammo "Ray Lewis? How the fuck was I to know he's a fraudster and a nonce. He's black, and I thought it would help our new multi-culti, politically correct, image and appeal to Guardian readers. Oh well, back to the drawing board..... Now how about compulsory repatriation?"
No point in trying
"woman on a raft "
Wins hands down
"The Locomotion with me
Wow, oh yeah,
You gotta fill your boots now, oh c’mon baby
Claim this, claim that,
Well, now I think you got the knack
oh woe woe woe
Now that you can do it, let's make a claim now
C'mon baby, do the Locomotion
A little bit of trust law and a load of gain now...
some fucking english bloke and colt45 have declared woman on a shaft the winner so we plebs best all fuck off!
All the news media are running big on Lewis, why are you so shy Guido?
Is Ray Lewis the new Lee Jasper? Sack the cunt and move on Boris. Put it down to experience. Give up all this PC bollox and get back to basics. Stop the Africanisation of London before it's too late.
Dave's protection team on maximum alert at Whitney Station.
Dave and co. trial new green portaloos in bid to save Oxfordshire
Tories new low-cost desert equipment of uncertain purpose.
Bloke on right: the rebound's incredible
Bloke on left: not at my age it isn't
Britain Has Talent loser Dave Cameron. Someone should tell him that Sooty has fallen off.
We come to bury Europe, not to praise it.
Cameron: "Wooh! Look Ma - no hands"
Man on left: "Tory Toff ! Not all of us can get a pygmy willy shaker on MP's expenses"
"and as you can clearly see not only did they not fix the roof while the sun shined the bastards only built the toilet"
"With this lot behind me I always feel a right tit ..."
Under a Conservative government we would have this lot covered in a striped awning, I would have my hand up Mr Punch's backside, complete with a crocodile AND sausages, and there would be donkey rides. And what have Labour achived? Nothing but nude Sooty.
These, are affordable homes! I've bought two so I can have one in London and one in the country.
Cheque please!
"has anyone got a wet wipe?,that dirty french bastard pissed on my gucci's"
"what's French for it isn't a public toilet"
Dragon's Den
This novel personal trough design will speed up the filling out of fraudulent claim forms and ensure that MPs can get out of the House before anyone notices.
IKEA's Ben Hur range of flat pack chariots was not a success, despite high profile endorsements.
Conservatives thought Dave's plan to solve the problems of unemployment, public transport and global warming with one policy was a bold one; until they discovered the centrepeice of the idea involved rickshaws manufactured by MFI.