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Sunday, July 20, 2008

By Popular Request : Caption Competition Special

198 comments:

Guido Fawkes said...

Rear Gunner Wears Protection

english liberation front said...

"I can't put the helmet on because I just puked into it so I'm just going to sit here with a stupid grin on my face and hope nobody notices."

Freddy said...

New Labour, New PMQs ...

Devil's Kitchen said...

"I think I've got sand up my jacksy. Balls! Come and lick it out..."

DK

Ian E said...

'Courage' - that's what it takes to be a PM.

SNIPER said...

CUNT!

Peter Luck said...

PM pops out for kebab a Southwold.

whyisthislunaticstillinpower? said...

With internal polls looking gloomy, the PM decides on a new approach to meeting and greeting the public.

Anonymous said...

Aye am fucking tellin ya if they glasga bastards dinna vote far ya this teem hen after all i gin them am going ta facking doo the lot (ya ken).

Apologies for the use of the East Coast Scots ending)

crom

nightjack said...

One is a GIMPY, the other just a GIMP

Merlin said...

Gordon gets set for the final two years of New Labour.

Anonymous said...

Stalin starts his purge

Freedom and Whisky said...

Nemo Me Impune Lacessit

arse bandit said...

Call me useless now, Dave.

Jock Coats said...

ZaNu Labour leadership campaigns in Glasgow East

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much Mr Fawkes ..

Autistic Brown is for once happy with his lot, sat behind a modern day gatling gun.

LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

Man who writes books on courage meets real men with courage and hangs his head low.

golfwidow said...

Come on then, let's see how long your suits remain grey!

Anonymous said...

Man of books on courage makes sure he's provided with better equipment than real men of courage

Anonymous said...

Reluctantly forced to re-enact Ceausescu's flight scene from the Bucharest bunker and knowing full well what will await him barely 48 hours later, GB decides to take out a few Glaswegian peasants on the way before facing his own firing squad.

Anonymous said...

Oh come now you're telling me this rickety old tin can goes in the air, god is it safe?

Brown: "so if I press this does it breath fire"

Soldier: "maybe once then it jams up like the SA80, but its still better than the soft skinned Land Rovers eh guv".

Brown: "I have armour on mine, London is so rough these days"

W.W. said...

PM denies he fires blanks.

W.W.

Anonymous said...

Cunt. What kind of muppet is this bloke

Anonymous said...

Gordon's popularity was so high that it was easy to slip into holiday mode on his trip to Southwold

Anonymous said...

PM unveils latest measure against knife crime

Anonymous said...

"Yes I am pleased to be part of the new launch of Easyjet flights to Baghdad, which demonstrates that Iraq is very safe".

Crom

Anonymous said...

Please Mr Brown, next time you come could you bring some bullets for this as we have sort of run out again

Anonymous said...

As a gesture of solidarity, Gordon decides to personally deliver next years UK defence budget to the guys on the ground.

Anonymous said...

The Brown Baron contemplates his next target after a successful test-firing against the Rev. Moon's helicopter

Anonymous said...

The vibrations of the Super Puma were so strong that they brought an unexpected smile to Gordon's face.

JamesW said...

@sniper

That would have been my choice, but I think in this case the four letter description of our dear leader could receive a suitable militaristic makeover:


C*U*N*T

Anonymous said...

Give Gordon some credit.

He did repent afterwards

Anonymous said...

"Now then, where's that David Cameron?"

W.W. said...

PM caught fondling his helmet whilst watching young men in uniform.

The police have been informed.

W.W.

Anonymous said...

THIS is what I need for Prime Ministers Questions!!!

Bob said...

Did you see Top Gear where they presented a photo of Brown made up as Stalin - who says the BBC is full of liberals?

Anonymous said...

'Sarge' Patrick Mercer 'You stupid black/fat/ginger [delete as one finds most offensive] bastard, you left the gun THE WRONG WAY ROUND !!!!!!!
'

Anonymous said...

[PILOT] Control to tower - let me get this right, you want me to take him, and threaten to chuck him out unless he signs the blank cheque for tidy accommodation for our troops ?
Roger and out...

Unixman said...

"Traditionally, Prime Minister, we would give the disgraced officer a revolver loaded with a single bullet but in your case ...."

Anonymous said...

[GB, for it is he..] Now let's see those slimy bastards from Friday's Caption Competition wipe the smiles from their faces when they turn up at the bunker to give me my 'marching orders'... [evil cackle]

Anonymous said...

anyone got a 20p? I'm not sure you can pay on the drip..

Anonymous said...

[GB], "Righty-ho, I want the press officer who stitched me up like this to walk slowly in front of me, and then we'll see whether he thinks it was such a 'smart-arse' idea to put me behind an automatic rifle..."

Tim H said...

“That’ll do. Now let me see: one for home, one for the office, one for the car. I’ll take a dozen and, say, a million rounds? That should hold them off for an hour or two when the come to get me”

Anonymous said...

Prime Minister 'Right, Hazel, when I shout 'PULL!' I want you to chuck my mobile phone into the target range of this fucking machine gun !!!'

Four Legs said...

“How long till we get to Crewe?”

Tom FD said...

What do you mean it's facing the wrong way?

Anonymous said...

GB [for it is he..]

"Armour plated helicopter ? CHECK !

Bullet-proof Kevlar vest ? CHECK !

3000-rpm Machine Gun ? CHECK !

Right, I'm now almost ready for going on a tour of South London Primary Schools with Ed the Ted Balls...

drunken tory said...

Apaches to Glasgow East! Lets try out this whole bullet and ballot box thingy.

Anonymous said...

GB "Right, let's see them just try to kick sand in my face on Southwold beach..."

Anonymous said...

You just could not make this up.

safety lever off said...

Pervert gazes lovingly at his weapon.

tapestry said...

Brown, after destroying the British economy, and signing away Britain's freedom in the Lisbon Treaty, readies himself for the judgment of voters in the Glasgow East by election.

'Come on, you punks. Make my day..'

Anonymous said...

GB "When I came to this country 3 yrs ago, it was in a dreadful state of insurrection and internecine strife with no infrastructure, no water and electricity and a poor education system, and you couldn't walk on the streets without armed protection for fear that local insurgents would try to take your life. Things are much better now, and if the SNP win this week, we'll be able to palm the whole fucking estate problem onto the them.

A result !!!! "

Paste-up and move back 200 said...

" Could you point out those two smart arsed squaddies who got me to sign their tank ...to Cyclops"

Anonymous said...

The sign in YELLOW says...

ATTENTION DANGER..

If you see Gordon Brown do not approach him. He is dangerous and a severe risk to the economy. Do not allow him to get anywhere near the levers of the economy as he could detonate the 'reverse midas touch' weapon and cause catastrophic damage. Keep away from him at all costs but note his precise location and appearance and notify police and other relevant authorities immediately - time is of the essence. If time permits call the armed forces to allow them to take the relevant action which will protect the nation, but do not put yourself at risk or endanger your personal safety unnecessarily 'cos
'he ain't wurf it..'...

Jon1 said...

"I love the smell of NuLabor in the morning"

- Jon1

Anonymous said...

PM finds way of meeting people in real time and people not having to find out from the news papers he had been to the area a few weeks before.

Anonymous said...

An attempted coup by the men in suits whereby they present Gordon with a gun on a silver salver and tell him to do the decent thing doesn't go according to plan.

Anonymous said...

PM finds way of meeting people in real time and people not having to find out from the news papers that he had been in the area 2weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

PM finds way of meeting people in real time and people not having to find out from the news papers that he had been in the area 2weeks ago.

Chris said...

Labour u-turns on gun crime.

Anonymous said...

Looking down from Dithering Heights Gordon feels closer to Heathcliffe than ever.....

Anonymous said...

Question of Sport..

What Happens Next ? Round..

Sue Barker - "Right we've just seen the film of Gordon putting a laptop rucsac on back-to-front, and we've frozen it as he gets near the gun..

Ally and Matt 'what happens next'?

[ally] I think he takes off in the chopper, eats his bogey with one hand and uses the other to 'take out' some insurgents, then finishes his 'lunch' with the other hand

[cue hysterical laughter]

[matt] ally, don't be so ridiculous - with his reverse midas touch he taps the gun, jams the trigger and it spins around taking out the pilot, leaves Gordon untouched, but able to ponder wistfully his life as Prime Minister as the helicopter plummets to the ground in flames..

[sue barker] Hmm.. but of wishful thinking there matt, 'Let's see if you're right'..

David Chappell said...

You do hold a firearms certificate for that, Mr Brown?

Anonymous said...

GB "Paying high prices for petrol is never a problem with the new M-15 Carbine semi-automatic !!" *










* With profuse apologies to Theo Spark et al who are probably going to point out EXACTLY what type of gun is on the Prime Minister's vehicle..

arbuth not said...

That's the feet gone, now for you bastards

FrankFisher said...

Sorry, I can't look at that photo and think of anything other than "What a cunt that bloke is". I suppose that raises and interesting question through, I mean, what do you call a cunt with a machine gun? I think the wisest thing might just be to come up behind him and shoot him in the head, repeatedly. Just empty the fucking clip. Stop pulling the trigger when all you're hearing is a dull metallic clicking sound and something of the appearance of porridge streaked with strawberry jam wells up around your boots.

Let's seem him bite his nails after that.

Cunt.

Diablo said...

Wasn't there a death threat to Tony Blair last week?

John Moss said...

Now we know why New Labour have always been soft on Mugabe!

john miller said...

Not a caption, but I have just shat myself.

I have only now REALLY looked at the photo and , fuck me, I've never, EVER, seen him so happy. Jesus wept...

Anonymous said...

Private Joker: How can you shoot women or children?
Door Gunner: Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much! Ain't war hell?

Anonymous said...

Private Joker: Are those... live rounds?
Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.

Anonymous said...

Guido, can we have a 5-minute breather on the 'captions' ? I mean, I can't come up with any more at the moment as I find surreal to ponder what Gordon must be thinking when putting his life in the hands of those he has been shafting so royally by:-

* Giving them shitty accommodation which an MP wouldn't even use as a khazi, but expecting our armed forces to ask their wives and children to call 'home'

* Sending them to Afghanistan with 'Snatch' Land Rovers [so called because they offer twat all protection against explosive devices] and then being surprised when some don't come home..

* Arranging for the over-stretch of our armed forces to the extent that they cannot re-group and re-train, despite Labour traditionally being the internationalist party of love, peace and non-intervention, funding the MoD accordingly..

Rear Gunner said...

I hope that this gun is well greased!

FrankFisher said...

M15?

FN MAG that I think, or some Enfield knock-off more likely.

BrianSJ said...

Gordon leaving ex-labour MPs in the lurch after the election. For external view see
http://www.mishalov.com/Vietnam_finalescape.html

Anonymous said...

Come on, Harriet...make ma day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

theresnobodymoreworkingclassthanme said...

Gordon Brown demands the hostages are freed immediately.Or I'll come and get them personally.

COURAGE

Anonymous said...

Miliband: See if you can talk that stupid cunt into gettin pictured behind a machine gun. that should finish him off.

Jackui Smith: Good idea. Gordon...

Anonymous said...

briansj - inspired choice !!! Where will Gordon be escaping to ?? Who will give him political asylum ??

What will London be renamed after he is installed in his new safe haven ??

Perhaps 'Margaret Hilda Thatcher City', in time for the Olympics ??

tachybaptus said...

At last ... this is where I was always meant to be ...

T. England said...

Snigger! It makes me smile & play with my helmet when I look at the new way I’ve found to deal with those who say I’m mental, look how shiny it is! Tee he, snigger and chuckle!!

Jock Coats said...

"Tel-Aviv please driver."

"The question you have to ask youself, Tony, is whether or not I emptied this clip. Well, Tony, do you feel lucky? Do you?"

Anonymous said...

How to get 2 million off benefits.

Anonymous said...

Talking of 2 million..

GB "So long suckers ! I've got 2 million dollars, Euros AND Pounds and I'm heading off to the Caribbean with some of that gold you thought I'd 'disposed of' ! I won't have to be worrying about putting 'two jumpers on' when the gas prices go through the roof - I'll be on the beach with Sarah and the bairns ! Still, I might send you a postcard back in 'airstrip one' if I can drag myself away from the cocktail bar..

And you suckers thought I was a 'dull workaholic' ! Spin on this!"

Anonymous said...

Ousted Premier brown finds employment in Glasgow East as rear gunner on a milk float.

Bill Quango MP said...

Stab proof vest .. Check
Armoured helicopter ..Check
Machine gun and 5000 rounds ..Check.
Flak helmet ..Check

Right then Harriet, lets get some kebabs.

John Reith spins in his grave said...

After the last weaklings have deserted or taken cyanide, facing his fate alone in the bunker at last, Das Fuehrer feels strangely relaxed.

Anonymous said...

Top of the world, ma. Top of the world!

betty blogger said...

Vote Labour or the bunny gets it.

captain cupcake said...

This is how you buy a fucking kebab.

abu tup dass said...

If they move, they SNP...

If they don't move, they brave SNP

Git some...

Git some...

Git some...

Ray Lee said...

And you mean to say we actually pay you buggers to have this much fun with a large gun!

Devil's Kitchen said...

"Ah tell ye what -- that Robert Mugabe had the right idea aboot elections.

"Pilot! -- to Glasgae East..."

DK

gordon's djin said...

Man sat on another man's chopper cannot stop grinning.

Anonymous said...

GB "Ha ha, the way those suckers looked pleased, they must have believed me when I said they would be home for the new year ! Shame I did not say which one ! "

Anonymous said...

GB "Hmmm..'Green Zone' eh, ? Maybe this would be a better location for an 'eco-town' to harbour all of the Polish refugees.."

Anonymous said...

GB 'Such a shame Kennedy ain't in charge of the Lib Dems now, 'cos I could just do with taking out some Charlie!'

Anonymous said...

GB -"I love the smell of Vicks Vapo Rub in the evening.. It smells like.. Victoria Beckham's armpit.."

Anonymous said...

GB "So the Charity Commission think I'm going to give them some answers about the Smith Institute, do they?"

Anonymous said...

The hour is getting late, and as another milestone passes, standards are falling into the gutter and the quality turns to shit...

"Enough about my premiership - just keep the bloody captions coming !"

ginjabadja said...

Gordon "Maverick" Brown -
"I bet it's easy to hit the enemy with this thing, soldier?"

Private "Pike" Pike -
"Not when they sit behind it, sir"

red despot spotter said...

"say hello to my little friend"


gordon shows how stalin delt with a leadership contest.


in a rare moment of light relief gordon shows his delight at being able to stop adam boultons questions .


sqaddie sat right "informs gordon vest doesnt help when you recieve a good kicking" just as helicopter is about to lift off .


helicopter door left open as stench was unbearable.

gordon complains that barrel must be faulty as it keeps pulling to the left , squaddie says gun needs a firm manly grip , with shoulder pressed firmly into the butt with a gentle stroke and touch of the trigger.
wet patch appears on gordons trousers

ginjabadja said...

"In 1997 a crackpot commando unit was sentenced to government. Today, wanted by the electorate, they survive as hostages to fortune. Remember if your economy is in trouble, if your bank needs a taxpayer bailout, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire New Labour....."

Billy Wallace said...

Come on....don't make me laugh! laptops is one thing, you found kids playing with this in the middle of London!!!!! Shit.....

Anonymous said...

The whole world in unison shout:

MR BROWN, ITS FACING THE WRONG WAY, TURN IT AROUND QUICK.

thetruth said...

How lazy is the Westminster pack of LOBBY journalists? Eric Pickles' press release on 1,043 ways snoopers can enter your home (yawn) was faithfully reproduced by Simon Walters of the Mail on Sunday today and a couple of other Sunday papers. just seen on sky paper review that even more useless George Pascoe Watson has copied out or blocked over the same press release. Why doesn't pickles just file direct to the newsdesk so they can see just how gullible these hacks are?

Anonymous said...

Surely most MPs' addresses are already known, though just not listed in one place. For example, the news story about a stabbing victim in Stockwell has brought to the surface (in the Evening Standard) the fact that Edward Garnier QC, the Tory shadow minister for justice, lives in Guildford Road, Stockwell.

We already know that Harriet Harman QC lives in Herne Hill as Fathers for Justice were jumping on her roof there.

It shouldn't be difficult to build our own online database of MPs' home adresses from a variety of sources in the media and common knowlwdge. Based on this a more complete database of their business interests and connections could be built. Before long such an information source could be completely out of control and utterly change the presently very imbalanced relationship bewtween public and elected officials. Maybe then they would think again about ID Cards.

some english bloke said...

On his secret mission The Thief Of Baghdad ( محافظة بغداد ) learns modern tactics from Iraqi insurgents.

" No more Mr. Nice Guy "

peeved said...

Brown responds to anti-Labour voters.

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

No captions just a few comments

Nice body armour cock sucker
Shame that some of those that really needed it died cos you prefered to spend money on promoting cocksucking and recycling potato peelings in Islington

I bet that copter was hovering 2 feet off the ground in a secure LZ as Mcknobjockey gurned for the cameras
Fucking cunt

Anonymous said...

Now, who was it who said I wouldn't be welcome in Southwold?

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

GORDON HAD ALWAYS DREAMT OF HAVING A SQUADDIES HELMET CLASPED BETWEEN HIS THIGHS

Anonymous said...

GB - "ITS THE ONLY WAY I'LL WIN IN GLASGOW"

Jon1 said...

Gordon pisses into Tony's helmet when en route to Israel and says that he agrees with Tony that the only solution to the Middle East conflict is to take the piss.

- Jon1

Anonymous said...

You've caught me in the act of enjoying my favourite arse-dildo - I do hope the gun is a sufficient distraction to the media.

Anonymous said...

"Pilot, forget about East Glasgow.
Fly me to London.
I'm gonna drill that cunt Guido!"

Anonymous said...

Would you mind if I borrow the bullet-proof vest until after the conference season?

Michael said...

I knew it was a good idea to hire that American chap Dukakis to advise me on winning elections!

Michael said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Bill said...

"...come on, I am sure that infantryman does not mind me borrowing his armour"

northofsouth said...

The Big Fertie from Fife gets even: "Who said that Courage is not my middle name? I'm not even wearing my helmet!"

Anonymous said...

After all the stabbings and shootings around London, Gordon heads to the worst hit areas and proves the streets are safe and we have nothing to fear.

Craig said...

How many can I add here? Hmm. Seven?

First:

Lynx Helicopter - £4,000,000
GPMG - £300
Helmet - £75
Ammunition belt - £25
Realising that the combat body armour is the wrong way around and that the without a helmet he's going to get a double-tap at point blank range from the poor bastard sitting next to him? - Priceless.

Second:

GB: "What do you mean the engineers have been trained by a consortium including EDS?"

Third:

Pilot: "I always wanted to go to ETPS (test-pilot school), I wonder what angle I can get this helicopter to so that the cunt falls out the door?"

Fourth:

Pilot: "Where's there the most trouble at the moment? I wonder if I can hover at ninety degree to an insurgent with a Kalashnikov"

Fifth:

Pilot: "Right, I'm captain of this aircraft, you'll do as you're damn well told. Mr Brown, sit here and wear this white tabard with the big red Star of David in the middle"

Sixth:

Me: The only time in my life I've ever prayed for a breech explosion

Seventh:

Chief of the General Staff (also: Colonel Commandant Army Air Corps):

"Mr Brown, I'm conscious that you'd rather I didn't take my final promotion to CDS, but feel free to note that the GPMG that you're sitting behind contains blank rounds only."

Anonymous said...

aka:
Beverley in Bilston.

"lt only took the re-cycling of 18 million Kit-Kat silver foil wrappers per household per day, to make the armed forces eco-friendly"

Anonymous said...

Fresh from having been clear of "Sith Institute" naughtiness, Brown chooses innovative tool to hammer final nail into coffin of Guido Fawkes' career.

Mitch said...

Right man wrong end.

or

As usual brown faces his enemys with no ammunition and a witless grin.

Anonymous said...

I see Darling has u-turned on foreign profits tax.


What a cunt that bloke is


No Taxodus then.........

Oscar said...

Was it really necessary to leave him on his own in middle of Basra with "Allah is a cunt" sprayed on the side?

Anonymous said...

Headline: Straw & Darling lead "overwhelming" pledges of public support for the Prime Minister from the cabinet.

Arkangel said...

Trying to commit suicide, Broon is so thick he doesn't realise he's sitting at the wrong end of the gun.

Anonymous said...

Gordon found the best way to handle Party & Union dissent was to take a firm line from the very start

Casual Observer said...

Get a grip man! Stop dithering, get a grip...

javelin said...

Gordon plans a hunting trip over Iraq as power goes to his head.