You'll Be Fired Gordon
Unbelievably Hazel Blears also flashed her Cabinet notes a la Ms Flint, so now we know that she intended to raise the possibility of Gordon starring in an Alan Sugar style TV show.Please do it Gordon, with your charisma and natural ability as a performer it will be worth hundreds of thousands of votes for the opposition.
Guido thought the Brown era signalled the end of the celebrity culture? 'I'll have nothing to do with celebrity culture,' he told the Indy. That was of course before Carter used Shakira, Beckham, Clooney and Kylie to sprinkle some stardust on the dour PM.
Talking of Carter, Guido is eagerly awaiting the latest edition of PR Week, which is rumoured to be working on a story that one of the new PR hires wants out already. Another David Pitt-Watson debacle in the making. Perhaps they realise that putting "PR for Gordon" may not look too good on their CV after all...
31 comments:
I expect the programme would end thus:
"Michael Philosophocles - you have proven to be a duplicitous liar, selfish beyond belief, incompetent in the tasks, ignorant and interested only in self-promotion and feathering your own nest at public expense. You are power-crazed, suffer dellusions of grandeur and above all you are a total CUNT" pauses for effect and points finger "Michael ... you're HIRED !"
you can imagine the scene in the boardroom as gordon announces a review into the leading candidates!!
what a total joke this man has become
I say the thick fucker will end up working at PC World or B&Q, maybe Carphone warehouse as a gesture of thanks for all the extra business he has given them.
word verification
KOX UR ,I think the verification monkey left out the S C K and E
Is this going to be the new method that the government will use to leak things?
Two in one day is a bit of a coincidence?
Well, Neal, I don't agree. Gordon has got no big ideas because he doesn't understand any of it, he's a dud, he ain't wearing any magic clothes.
Now, the judges might have convinced themselves there's somebody home just because the lights are on, but I can promise you an audience is going to sniff him for a wet fart the first time he lets one off in public.
He doesn't make eye-contact. He doesn't understand the question, he can't deliver with more than the simplest pre-set responses. I've listened to call-minding systems with more understanding. If you ring a random call-centre in Delhi, the nearest phone drone could give you better economic analysis and, what's more, would have a better understanding of your economic situation based on them having worked in the real world. Since their lives consist of talking to strangers about gas bills I'm not demanding an unfeasibly large experience of life, here. In fact, we'd be better off ringing someone at random in Delih and if they can remember to ask what the weather is like and go through their script so you can hear them properly, we should offer them the job.
As for the rest of the judges - you are all in the wrong place. The audition for lead role in Tommy is down the corridor. Blunkett is already down there with his dancing dog, but you'll need to be quick as I hear the dog is the favourite to get it.
They might look like a joke, but the New Labour Marxists should be taken seriously. You don't need to be competent at economics to run a police states:
Town Halls should map race and religion to identify 'tension hotspots', says Hazel Blears
More than 10 million people are to have their everyday disputes, their politics and their business lives checked by new "tension monitoring" committees. The committees are to be set up to try to cut the risk of riots or disturbances in the aftermath of terrorist outrages or outbreaks of local racial trouble. They will ask for and file reports on named troublemakers whose political activities are considered to be raising community tensions. Reports on the behaviour and attitudes of local residents will be collected by community workers, neighbourhood wardens, local councillors and provided by voluntary organisations, according to a paper published by Communities Secretary Hazel Blears today.
Police state here we come!
The prospect of Blears 'flashing' anything at all is too ghastly for words.
This is a chipmunk on unlicensed steroids - and suffering from the delusional side effects. She should be humanely disposed of.
The voting public: "Brown, you're fired, you bent, useless prick. Now fuck off you pathetic, snivelling loser, we're sick of the fucking sight of you!"
There wouldn't be a camera with a big enough tape reel to film the length of time it would take him to come up with a decision of who to fire as it would need to be long enough to stretch past the moon.
Either that or at the end of each episode he'd say he was having a "review" on the situation and to come back in a few months time where by thousands of pounds of taxpayers money will have been spent and will just ignore the advice given anyway.
... and the dog's performance was ruff.
Surely this is, in fact, the political story of the week. At a time when Broon is desperately trying to appear as a leader, handing new national budgets to the BBC ahead of parliament - his Ministers are shuffling around looking for the best way to turn the dickhead into a celebrity in a last desperate, insulting, bid for credibility.
Time for an online fantasy cabinet game, or deadpool betting on the first of these lightweights to drop.
In accordance with our drive for more open government and the Freedom of Information Act, all Ministers have been issued with clear, transparent folders, with easy to open buttons, to replace the old fashioned Manilla cardboard folders.
Under Section of instructions for members of Cabinet 1352008/CF Ministers have been reminded that the approved method of transporting folders is to carry them on the hip, with the buttom facing outwards, this is to prevent Ministers having buttons sagging against their clothing, and reducing repair bills and claims for damages to Saville Row suits.
Any suggestion that this strategy is created to undermine their credibility and competence is purely a matter of conjecture or malice. Ministers are by themsleves capable of doing this without any help from Her Majesty's Civil Service.
Gordon's more suited to a minor role as a mental patient in a remake of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
That Poltical Apprentice Programme: -
Overhead shots of Canary Wharf clumsily pasted to interior shot of "boardroom", a rented room above "All for a Poond" shop in Kirkaldy. Brown faces his candidates - the Cabinet.
GB "Right Balls, you are project manager, and today's task involves visiting the Caledonian Brewery to organise a piss-up"
Later: -
GB "I hear it was a complete Balls-up, Balls. What do you have to say for yourself?"
EB "So what?"
GB "That leaves me with no alternative. With regret I have to say..."
Cabinet "YOU'RE FIRED!"
Link to picture?
I reckon it will be Muir who leaves. They said he would only be gone 6 months at his own leaving do!
I hope this goes ahead. It would be hilarious! Imagine all those wannabe Labour MPS turning up to show off their skills as potential future leaders of the nation! That would open a few eyes I'm sure! And then Gordon with this one eye and demented leer leaning over, pouting and grunting "you're fired!".
Only the Beeb could think this was a good idea. They are so far up Labour's ass they don't realise how mad he is. That's because they are even worse!
To paraphrase Sir Alan: "Government is not about coming in here, pissing my money up the wall... Gordon Brahn, You're Fired!"
The Sketch: The lunatics are borrowing money to save the asylum
Simon Carr The Independent
"The PM sat there with a new expression – a serene, above-the-clouds face that is meant to say, "This was the plan all along", but actually says: "I have come to the conclusion that I am the way, the truth and the light."
The title's the giveaway it's the effect of lithium which could also explain the random twitches and the hand tremor.
The thing that is fucking Brown is the massive world wide hyperinflation that he has helped unleash. It will destroy the British economy (if such a thing can be said to exist?)Don't go down with the ship people; buy gold and silver and make a fortune!
If it was up to me, I'd sack the bloody lot of you.
Gordon, you're a useless nancy boy.
You're fired.
Well I hope it's a long running series because the fucker is incapable of making a decision. I suspect he will only do it if he can be placed behind a screen and his voice is distorted!
"Gordon Brown, your team's task will be to raise £2.7bn for unfunded taxcuts in just one day. You and your team will be dumped in a definitely hostile environment to you - the City of London - and you must raise the funds while at the same time castigating those same bankers for their bonus structure".
The little ray of sunshine has been doing work experiance filling shelves at Tesco's. Hopefully this will come in useful in the near future!
I see the Number 10 Bunker are avid readers of the HousePriceCrash blog
Over a month ago a poster jokingly suggested Brown will appear in an Apprentice style TV show
So Steven Carter's definitely earning his money stealing nutty rumours from the internet
Can some bright spark put together a spoof Apprentice intro for YouTube that combines the best of Sir Alan's withering comments and put downs with cutaway shots to members of the Cabinet?
Why not? - the man obviously sees he needs a change of career.
I'm all for it.
the cunt will get lost on his way to the boardroom.
note to stephen carter: you are just a spastic who is sprinkling sugar on shit. the only problem is that gordon is defecating faster than you can sprinkle. it is a prime example of exponentially diminishing returns you dopey cunt.
here endeth the lesson.
Surely nobody would seriously advise Brown to do this, would they? It would be an act of folly. By far Brown's best hope is to keep his head down and get on with the job until the next election. In fact, that goes for the rest of the government.
This proposal can only end in tears.
Leo, what you are saying is we could make more money with a show which is a flop?
Yes, Max, under the right circumstances.
It would have to stink - we'll get the worst writer, the worst director, the worst front-man...and I know the very fellow.
Is he bad?
He's terrible.
Breaks in to 'I want to be a Producer'.
Yeah go on Gordon do it.... I can see the cast list now....
Jade Goodie's mother, John MacQuirick (or however you spoll the horse racing blokes name), Michael Portillo, Claire Short, Orville the duck, Les Dennis, Cherie Bliar, Michael Barrymore, George Mombiot and George Galloway.
Cracking TV.
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