Class War By-Election
This is from an official Labour leaflet being distributed in the poorer socio-economic areas of Crewe & Nantwich. You can't be wealthy and vote-worthy apparently. Do they realise that Gordon is a multi-millionaire?* Point 4 is real knuckle-dragging dog-whistle stuff. Surprised they didn't stick on a picture of Gordon with a Union Jack and quote his "British Jobs for British Workers" speech. Desperate times require desperate tactics...Incidentally, the Tory candidate's farmhouse is nowhere near as grand as, say, David Miliband's multi-million pound inherited home...
*Gordon's assets include a pension package, paid for by you, worth over £2 million.
85 comments:
Would the previous MP have approved of such a campaign policy?
Who was the miserable old chap who was Scotland's first First Minister ? I remember noticing when he died that his estate was worth more than £ 2 million. Betcha Gordon's worth a lot more than just his pension package.
fukin socialist scum. i am sure mrs dunwoody would be proud of this campaign.
utterly sick
Oh dear, that it should come to this. Dog whistle politics are not big, and they're not clever. Do the BNP receive a large share of the vote in Crewe and Nantwich?
What has happened to this once decent and honourable party?
Then there is that twat Shaun Woodward, educated at Jesus College, Cambridge, Labour MP for some khazi up north.
The minority of caring/thinking/voting/working inhabitants of ' poorer socio-economic areas ' ( ie those with enough sense to be trying to get out ) will see through this patronising rubbish straight away.
As for those who don't work or care or think and so might be taken in by it, they won't bother to vote.
I worked in Crewe for many years. The folk there are not as stupid as the Labour Party think they are.
Dunwoody was a special, voted in for herself, and not for the OberGruppenfeuhrer in Whitehall.
That Class war crap went with the people of three generations ago. even liverpool has woken up to the fact that Labour (Braddock and Braddock) only served itself, with a City deemed to have the worst (Labour Council) housing stock in Europe until 1984.
The people living in Badger Avenue Crewe, are still living in the same poor quality housing that Labour has kept all its client state.
While claiming to represent them it doubles their taxes when they work and conspires to keep them on benefit when they can't.
I suspect that flash Tamsin flown in from 200 miles away to be Labour's ultimate weapon wears the pink jumper suit to match her red faced embarassment.
The attempt at Class War in London failed, it will here.
You don't know much about fighting byelections, do you? They aren't Marquis of Queensbury affairs but bare knuckle where it is the winning, not the taking part, that matters.
This leaflet is the first thing that has cheered me up in a week. I don't know if these are the right tactics, but they certainly show fight.
I think Miliband must have used the Marxist Exemption for Residential Property under the IHT Guidelines. I bet he had fun with IHT 200 but i suppose Ralph had it run through a Liechtenstein Trust
Tiny point.
I thought Gordo had declined the PM pension plan?
This is a BNP leaflet, surely?
Nice of the Labour Party to provide free toilet paper to voters!
Typical Labour trash saying one thing and doing another.
Expect a lot more of this from nulab!
They are REALLY getting desperate now!
I just hope the other parties adopt similar tactics!
mb, exactly! Gwyneth Dunwoody would have told whoever came up with it where to stick it.
Truly desperate stuff from a desperate party.
No surprises there - Labour leadership has never about being poor, its always been about doing the same thing as the Tories on a personal level but with an Estuary English (or possibly Mockney) accent, and going through some cod-working class motions when in the public eye, thereby flummoxing their simple client base into handing over their votes. Fatty Prescott and the Adventure of The Croquet Lawn being a relatively recent case in point.
Gwyneth Dunwoody would have been appalled - reads like something from the BNP.
It is hard to believe that these morons have so little idea of what is required. They are surely on their last legs,devoid of all morals desperately trying to hold on, they are doomed and the sooner the better.
Substance over spin indeed
Meanwhile the Lib Dems are playing exactly the same class card, whilst Labour keep remarkably quiet about the education of the Honurable member for Stoke-On-Trent Central and Shaun Woodward's Bulter.
Question 4 could be rephrased: "Do you oppose making Jews wear a yellow star".
I've noticed that the answer is "yes" to all the questions. Does this mean that the Tory party are now the Unipart of British politics, ie, "The answer is yes, now what's the question?"
Labour have certainly been associated with the word "no" of late - no referendum, no reprieve of the 10p tax rate, no to saving our Post Offices, etc. Is there some unintentional subliminal message in this? Maybe they know they're associated with negativity, and feel the need to ridicule the positivity the Tories are currently enjoying? Maybe a Tory counter-attack leaflet where all Labour's answers are "no" would help reinforce this message?
Of course, I could just be reading between the lines a little too much...
Yes Guido, - that’s the clever bit, - cast a baleful influence on your opponent and hope it discourages too much attention to your own tidy sum. And let’s face it, that’s the story of Toyly Pondu and all the other ghastly trendy metro lefties – who I guess between them have never done a real days’ work in their lives. However, they certainly know how to stash it away. Bastards!
1. Apart from Mummy, Daddy and Grandad all being Labour MPs, what other qualities do you bring to the voters of Crewe and Nantwich Ms Dunwoody?
2. Who else was interviewed for this post as Labour candidate?
This made me LOL.
They must be desperate to do this, they must also be assuming their voters are thick.
Timpson is of the Timpson shoe chain.
There was me thinking Labour could sink no lower than the amateurish "Dave the Chameleon" political broadcast that would have been embarrasing for a sixth-form project or even in the Crewe and Nantwich by-election having two hired gimps dressed in top hat and tails to greet Cameron. Can you see the tories getting people to dress up in rags like something out of the play 'Oliver' to greet candidates to imply they are 'working class ruffians' and so unfit to be in parliament?
This tops it all in the hypocrisy league.
I note that it fails to mention the £4,000,000 mansion aquired by their previous "glorious leader" to add to his already impressive property portfolio that is being partly paid for by you and I?
As for 'dog whistles' on id cards, I doubt the supporters of such a notion can fully comprehend the ramifications of such an RFID scheme being rolled out where by a clerk in Greece ( or any other EU state ) can track where you are at all times through signals being bounced off phone masts, as it WILL be compulsory to carry one at all times by 2020.
Sadly it matters not who is in power as this comes direct from "the comission" as to which we cannot say boo-to-a-goose too thanks to our pathetic surrendering to the EU and signing up to Lisbon "Treaty" etc.
I'd support anybody who will tell the EU where to stick their directives as we won't be bullied by a spineless and pathetic waste of space that is "the comission", what if they fine us, don't pay. What are they going to do? Nothing, and they know it.
Sadly Labour and Conservatives will do nothing and bow down and worship Emperor Borusso and the EU's ever more destructive and insane demands because we as a nation no longer have any spirit or fight left in us.
It's pathetic !!!
Is this what our fathers and grandfathers fought for?
To oppose the dictatorship and oppression to one day be ruled by an unaccountable, corrupt force overseas in mainland Europe?
I can hear them all turning in their graves as I type this, god rest their souls.
It is certainly a measure of the integrity of the labour party.
It is also a measure of the intelligence of whom so ever thought up and approved this waste of money and raw materials.
You mean a mansion like Blair's?
This is cheap campaigning from a party that can't afford a proper campaign. Does the candidate stand by the leaflet? If so does she really deserve to be a member of parliament?
snotty might have 2mill but no way is he worth it or has ever done anything worthwhile to earn it.
They should do flyers like that with blairs 4mill house and the gravestones of a million Iraqis.Maybe the Benns country pile might sit well with the council estates of Crew.
See u muppets it cuts both ways.
And, finally......Q6
Will you win the Crewe and Nantwich by-election? YES
Pipsqueak Rubberband has an inherited home? You mean that his Commie Dad didn't give it to The People?
That was Donald dreich-
Imagine, they folks from the Glasgow ghettos put up a STATUE of him, no less!
Donald was worth millions from his investments, yet these impoverished folks,(governed by nulab since time began) in their "wisdom" paid through their taxes for this statue!
You couldn't make it up!
But-hey-this is Glasgow, the numpty capital of the planet!
"Have you and your Tory mates..."
That should be 'chums' surely?
Get your facts right at least, oh hang on, 45 minutes till destruction....
I saw the picture of a Toff in a Topper, with a little girl with a Vote Labour placard standing next to him and looking up with admiration.
I thought, "Who'd vote for a crowd of toffee-nosed gits like that, she must be joking".
This has got to backfire. It's been tried in the past and it backfired.
And ol' Tamsin, appointed on merit was she? Nothing to do with her dear departed mumsy?
Kissing babies' heads and getting your picture in the paper wearing a little cloth cap is a safer approach.
Brown's government is just the fag end of New Labour's dominance over the UK. After 11 years all the shit has risen to the top, but don't worry. It's clear that Brown, Balls, Cooper, Purnell, and the rest of the nonentities are now on their way out.
Let's just hope they don't do too much more damage to our country before they are finally shown the door.
I suspect that old man Timpson's place beats most politicians' houses hands down. This is where Eddie boy grew up.
you can see it here
keith dovkunts said...
Then there is that twat Shaun Woodward, educated at Jesus College, Cambridge, Labour MP for some khazi up north.
Just cos you go to cambridge doesn't make you rich or anything. I go there, and I know 3 people who went to public schools and are "rich", in my college. Out of about 140 or so. Go figure.
However, that doesn't mean he isn't a rich sod.
The Caption Competition pic of Duneating and McTwat would make a cracking Tory flyer...
'Nu Zanu Labour Mark VI (or whatever) is the Listening Party.
Mercifully, we wear ear plugs. '
Just go. Please, New Labour, just go.
Patronising hypocrisy is a nulab speciality -
Suggest the Tories reproduce the same leaflet with photo's of Nulab MPs' mansions on the back with the haedline "Labour thinks Crewe voters are fools!"
Has the late worthy Dunwoody's will been published yet?
Or indeed Miliband's taxpayer-funded grace and favour luxury stately home with extensive grounds and notable collections of art and furniture.
But that's another story.
If Cobbler Timpson doesn't get in he can always fall back on the shoe repairing.
The Labour Party is dead. A limb may twitch now and again, but the life is inevitably draining from the brain dead corpse. Freedom is ours for the taking. Unless Cameron, in power or not, fucks it up.
>> This made me LOL.
>> They must be desperate to do this, they must also be assuming their voters are thick.
Isn't that why they vote Nulab?
Well done Guido. This is how it should be. By-elections are a dirty business.
So what! at least spades are called spades and the debate is open.
Socialists are the worst kind of hypocrites. The worst of them come from privileged backgrounds. They are the most dangerous. Other socialist types are the ones who accrue vast wealth through their political activities, directly or indirectly, like most of the New Labour scum. They have much in common with Third World, especially African, dictators. They create hordes of disgusting wealth for themselves and their families whilst simultaneously preaching concern for the poor and viciously attacking the wealthy on the right. Quite a disgusting pretence.
The filthy pariahs point the finger at democratic opposition and invoke socialist "morality" to demonise them. Disgusting, repulsive, evil bastards.
Anonymous said...
Who was the miserable old chap who was Scotland's first First Minister ? I remember noticing when he died that his estate was worth more than £ 2 million. Betcha Gordon's worth a lot more than just his pension package.
-----------------------------------
Donald Dewar whose wife Marion went off with Derry Irvine, Lord Chancellor, he of the expensive refurb at Houses of Parliament.
The sub-text of this is very simple - w"e, your local Labour Party, think you're all as thick as pigshit and will rush out oand vote for us on the basis that we've told you the other bloke lives in a bigger house than you, and at the same time immediately forget all the concerns you previously had about issues affecting your life."
Terrible sixth form politics in the "Rik from the Young Ones" mould and genuinely offensive to the people of the constituency.
The Labour Party's stunts remind me of the behaviour of some Tories before the 97 wipeout. It's a sign they're out of steam.
Re Miliband, it refers here to 'his more modest home in North London'. Nowadays this could be worth over well £1m like many other people's.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/labour/1895668/David-Miliband's-official-home-'for-sale'.html
Well as my motherb used to sayu you have to be rich to afford to be a real socialist
sting 'em all up
Woodward married his big money, so technically he personally is not a rich sod, although he was a comfortably-off jammy bastard.
*Sigh*
Where working class people are concerned, Labour has always been fighting the class war. Thing is they've always been on the wrong side ...
lanarion,
You make a good point, even if inadvertently. That hopeless, talentless, pointless, farcically idiotic nonentities such as you now idle at Cambridge and Oxford tells us more about our future than any demographic parameter. For if the "elite" is to be drawn from the genetic cesspit that gave rise to you, in the bored fumble of some tragic, arid suburban couple united by nothing but a straightjacket of near-suicidal loneliness, no party, no policy, no revolution, no God, even, could ever save us.
@Genghiz the Kahn, 6:42
Quite so. Tamsin Dunwoody's sole qualification as PPC -- besides her membership of the derided and discredited ruling party -- is the fact that she is Gwyneth Dunwoody's daughter.
What happened to Labour's supposed implacable opposition to nepotism (exemplified in their chainsaw massacre of the hereditary peers)? Not only are they are hypocrites, but they have forgotten what the Labour Party is supposed to be about; forgotten, stamped and spat on the sacrifices of the poor downtrodden workingmen who brought it into being. Once, it was a noble cause: noble, even if you were ideologically opposed.
What is the PLP today? A loathsome cabal of self-serving careerists and incompetents who would be unable to hold down a real job. Authoritarian parasites, wrong about everything more often than right, insufferably smug and patronizing, swollen with hubris, drunk on the insolence of imagining that they know better than you.
This despicable crew, this parody of free-thinking parliamentarians, having allowed itself last year to be bullied into accepting as leader the most pusillanimous and least suitable of its number, now (thanks in large measure to him) faces its nemesis.
Labour will lose Crewe & Nantwich. The PLP, acting as always purely from self-interest, will then turn on Brown. The subsequent electoral nuking in 2010 will put Labour out of office for a very long time. The Party itself, given its debts, may not even survive, leaving the Lib Dems to pick up the debris of the Left.
Roll on 22 May and the Toffocracy!
Interesting item on the Conservative Home website - there is an item about Frank Field being willing to bring down the ZanuLieboor Party over the 10p tax fiasco - i.e. a vote of No Confidence in Our Glorious McGollum of the Clan McTwitch, Lord High Chieftan of Bogey Gobblings.
Bring it on!!!
Rather telling that this is not front page news...depite being broadcast.
shropshirelad said...
"Has the late worthy Dunwoody's will been published yet?"
No. Probate always takes several months.
She won't have had much to leave. She nearly went bankrupt a few years ago.
The attack re millionaires and mansions is I think justified by the candidates arrant stupidity in telling Channel 4 News on Tuesday how "we had it tough" as children. That was absolute bollocks.
The family seat is here.
There is a Tory Cancer Hoax here. That's in by-election dirty tricks guru Grant Shapps's constituency.
Being against iD cards myself I don't appreciate point 4 - but on the other hand I don't believe for one moment that David Davis would not introduce some form of compulsory iD cards fairly sharpish if the Tories were elected.
Dunwoody incidentally expressed opposition to 42 days detention from the get go so I would doubt very much that she approved this leaflet.
In London the Tory spin over Ken included the idea that he had a terrorist running his campaign didn't it? Meanwhile in Whalley Range ward, Manchester we had Tories distributing Hizb_ut-Tahrir leaflets with menaces.
Always good to see a positive Labour campaign focusing on the issues.
How proud Gwyneth Dunwoody must be.
Saw an even 'better' leaflet from Labour today being distributed in the 'solid' Labour areas. Actually photo-shopped a top hat onto Timpson.
Gwyneth's voting record makes the Labour attacks look even more absurd.
Labour have lost the plot - let's hope they lose this by-election
@Chris Paul.
Ms Dunwoody was asked on the BBC's Northwest Tonight news program (Monday 5th May) about her views on 42 Days Detention. She replied that she wasn't happy about it but would consider her position... "after I'm elected". Yeah right, we all know what that means!
As for the leaflet (assuming its real) I'm shocked. I hope the people of Crewe make a point of asking Ms Dunwoody personally about the level she's prepared to sink to in order to seize the seat.
I rather hope the media is picking this up too (has anyone emailed the editors?)... if they can't keep the politicians honest then no one can.
Tamsin Dunwoody was useless as an Assembly member. She would not have been short listed for the seat if she wasn't Gwyneth Dunwoody's daughter. She spent most of the time in the Assembly as voting fodder without an original thought in her head. What is surprising is that no one has picked up the fact that for much of the time she was more interested in a fellow Assembly member than any policy initiative. As for the leaflet you begin to wonder where the Labour party gets its advisers from. In Wales recently they ran a PPB solely attacking the Lib Dems as 'Lousy Libs'.It was appalling and insulted the intelligence of the average voter. It completely backfired with the Lib Dems strengthening their hold on Cardiff where Labour has been reduced to a rump and they even won seats in Merthyr. At the moment the whole Labour party seems populated by characters from a Marx Brothers film.
Do you want injured British soldiers who fought with antiquated equipment to die of MRSA in NHS hospitals?
Have your Labour mates embezzled money from the taxpayer and lied and cheated about it?
Do you think the working poor should be singled out for a tax hike just as fuel and food inflation sky-rockets?
Do you think its honest for the PM to claim the credit for a global boom, but blame the downturn on the US?
Do you think its good that Britains national debt is the worst in the developed world.
If you do, vote Labour in the Crewe & Nantwich by-election you cunt.
tacitus said...and Dennis said...
just about all there is to say.
BTW 'arser' is the word verification! Hang on though...
Dennis,
as eloquent as you are handsome !
A google Earth shot of the Benn family estate, which takes up a large slice of space just outside of Maldon, would expose this as the usual nulab / socialist hypocracy .
How utterly desperate and pathetic.
Labour are completely hypocritical about inherited privlege and getting on through one's family connections. We've got:
* The daughter of the former MP chosen as the candidate for Crewe & Nantwich by-election.
* The grandaughter of Tony Benn being chosen as a Parliamentary Candidate even though she's still in her teens (how many other teenagers would be selected to fight a seat)?
* The son of aforementioned Tony Benn, Hillary, in the Cabinet.
* The grandson of a famous Labour minister, Herbert Morrison, as the UK Commisioner in Brussels (Peter Mandelson)
* Two brothers in the cabinet, Ed and David Miliband, both sons of a noted Marxist political theorist.
* Wendy Alexander, the sister of one of Gordon Brown's closest advisors (Douglas Alexander), as the First Minister of Scotland.
* A husband and wife, Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper, in the Cabinet.
What an incestuous, nepotistic bunch - and they have the gall to criticise others for inheriting privilege.
Especially as the 'British jobs for british workers' was a pile of shite and illegal under EU law. Not that Brown knows how this country is governed. I guess he just knows it's not him.
9:17 PM
Blimey, I had all my own teeth when I began reading that list of describing words. And what's wrong with a bored fumble whatever that is when it's at home? 'Spose you don't settle for less than being gang-banged by a score of meaty centurions, do you old girl?
How does "a pension package, paid for by you, worth over £2 million." square with Gordon's £1.5m lifetime allowance for pensions for everyone else? Has he protected or exempted it somehow?
Show the people that you consider them braindead and they will pay you back.
This is quite pathetic, by a pathetic Labour Party with a daughter who is absolutely nowhere near her mother in political guts.
I am afraid with both the Lib Dems and Labour indulging in such inane childish politics the country needs to kick both of those parties out of both local and national life.
Time for an English Nationalist Party please headed by either Will Self or Richard Littlejohn. At least their humour would be funny!!!
Calm down, dears, it's only an election.
I thought everyone lived in a mansion these days, but apparently not in Crewe.
Next you'll be telling me they choose to live there.
Chris Paul, give it up, they're not worth the effort.
This style of campaigning is just like something some bitter Grauniad type would write.
The class war obsession on the left is not only astonishing but so hypocritical of them, big surprise, eh?
NuLabor really are slime aren't they? I wonder if the Conservative candidate owns as many houses as Michael Meacher?
I'm sorry, near-bankrupt in the past or not, she was the daughter of a peer and the wife of a doctor - I bet she didn't live in a two bedroom terrace on a scutty council estate.
When will political wonks realise that the general public,whatever their "class",don't share their fascination with the ya-boo schoolboy stuff.Those leaflets are rarely read,I live in a block of flats with a communal mailbox and at election time that kind of stuff gets dropped on the floor by the first person to open the box then bunged into the re-cycling bin after a day or so.That's a day in which anyone in 8 flats has had time to pick one up if they choose to do so,they never do and along with all the takeaway menus,flyers for DVD shops and free local press the whole lot gets binned without a second look.That kind of stuff to the man in the street is like PMQ's,ordinary people might catch a brief glimpse but if they do they mutter "twats" under their breath then got on with the important things in life.People aren't stupid,they know a stunt when they see one,an attempt to grab a cheap headline e.t.c. If 8% of Londoners voting for the BNP wasn't a big enough wake up call to the mainstream politicians that Joe Public is pissed of with them and their stupid,puerile antics while Rome burns then there's no hope for any of them.
Fucking ZaNuLab cunts. Trying to reopen old divisions in society for the sake of a few cheap votes.
All these NuLab twats have salted away millions at taxpayers expense as well and are 'directors' of this and that company that feed off government contracts.
Presumably McTwat sanctioned this as a campaigning tactic. NuLab are really sick. A bunch of sick, sociopaths and criminals. This is so fucking sick it is even more disgusting than watching him eat snot.
At least when we boot the bastards out all the tossers will find their consultancies and directorship opportunities vanish in seconds. McTwat should be held in a padded cell. This is not funny anymore.
anon 7.25
glasgow is not 100% numpty, there are some english up here :)
as regard to 'class', having attended various educational estabishments, ranging from public, private, grammer, state, partially funded, i can say with some certainty; class is not a product of wealth or social privilege, but rather, a mindset that seems to be, in 21st century britain, a product of egalitarians vs. libertarians.
for example, kate moss would be regarded as 'posh' (or upperclass, aristocracy etc.) whereas bob geldoff would be regarded as being 'good'(or spiritual, a man of the people etc.). financially, there is little difference between the two types, but what differs is their use of social privilege that is afforded to them by their position. the 'toffs' are seen as using privilege for their own personal gain whereas 'labour' (don't know the synonym for toff..) are seen as utilizing it to help mankind, to save the planet. boris is seen as a bumbling egotist in power due to his eton connections, whereas ken is seen as a champion of downtrodden peoples from lewisham to venezuela. you can make this comparison for most lab/con frontbenchers. this is why conway is a byword for scandalous corruption and fraud, and livingston is a great working class hero, regardless of jasper.
the imagery is outdated, but the idea remains that upper middle class intellectuals can and should use their privilege to help (**biased remark** and control) society in order to benefit the least well off. the irony is that in order to do so they demand to be adequately compensated. libertarians (ie. people who believe people can, for the most part, look after themselves) are seen as bad and egalitarians are good. read the independent for the doublethought mentality of egalitarians (as this is a comment not a dissertation).
Ok so Labour are Finished but
we still have to get rid of Cameron, he is Pro EU too.
http://www.thewestminsternews.co.uk
http://www.eutruth.org.uk
http://www.thetruthseeker.co.uk/article.asp?ID=8146
@ Chris Paul,
"but on the other hand I don't believe for one moment that David Davis would not introduce some form of compulsory iD cards fairly sharpish if the Tories were elected."
That would be the same David Davis who so comprehensively sabotaged Michael Howard's personal support for the government's ID scheme in the run-up to the 2005 election (at considerable risk to his own career given the Tory faithful's fuehrerprinzip) would it?
Stealing slogans? Gordo should start with this one:
"New Tory, New Danger"
That worked well for whoever used it last time...
Don't forget how the Milibands retrospectively arranged their inheritance tax affairs.
http://ukcommentators.blogspot.com/2004/09/estate-in-capitalist-society.html
"after Ralph Miliband, the Marxist father of David and Ed, died in 1994, he transferred almost all his assets, including homes in London and Oxfordshire, to his wife.
However, after taking professional advice, the family is understood to have posthumously rewritten his will to give 20% of the London home to both David and Ed.
David has declared a “20% share of family home in London” on the MPs’ register of interests since 2002.
This scheme is called a “deed of variation” and was highlighted by the chancellor in opposition as an unacceptable way in which the wealthy avoid paying death duties."
While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a
heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his
nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates.
'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter, 'Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so
we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer,' says
the PM.
'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He
says
that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have
to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose
where you'll live for eternity.'
'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' replies
Brown.
'I'm sorry .. But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with that,
St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all
the way to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.
The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C
degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of
it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had
helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim
Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there ..
Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.
They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times
they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, 'Have a tequila
and relax, Gord!'
'Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge,' says Brown, dejectedly.
'This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and
it just gets better from there!'
Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks
is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and
pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party
pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration,
Tough on Crime promises.
They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time
to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the
elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is
waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man says,
opening the gate.
So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things
other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or
short-@#$%& joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the
food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all
poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like
someone special!
'Whoa,' he says uncomfortably to himself. 'Harold Wilson never prepared
me for this!'
The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day in
Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for
Eternity.'
With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown
reflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never have
thought
I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --
but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.'
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,
all the way to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland,
looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian
outback, but worse and more desolate.
He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black
plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands
black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder.' I
don't understand,' stammers a shocked Brown, 'Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar
and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time.. Now there's
just
a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!'
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, 'Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us!'
If they think that kind of class warfafe tosh will win them any votes they must be so far out of touch they are on planet Zog.
@Chris Paul:"I don't believe for one moment that David Davis would not introduce some form of compulsory iD cards fairly sharpish if the Tories were elected."
Given that he has already written an open letter to the government suppliers of ID cards to point out to them that he will be scrapping any ID card scheme and that investment in them would be pointless, I think we are on safe ground in believing the Tories will definitely not be introducing ID cards of any description, anymore than they did when they last considered such a possibility.
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