By-Election, What By-Election Prime Minister?
Guido can imagine Stephen Carter telling a heavily sedated Brown on Wednesday after PMQs of the plans for the weekend:-Carter : We're going somewhere nice for the weekend, get some sunshine. We have booked a trip to the Eden Project in the South West, Cornwall, then on to Plymouth.
Brown: [rocking in his chair] What about the by-election? Where is it?
Carter: No by-election PM, we are going to see the flowers in Cornwall and visit an old peoples home in Plymouth. Take it easy, have a weekend break.
Gordon is on an official visit to Plymouth, which is 251 miles away from Crewe. Brown couldn't be further away if he went to Edinburgh (242 miles), in any event he wouldn't want to go for a weekend rest in Edinburgh now it is under Salmond's control and Wendy is rebelling against him.
Whereas Cameron and Clegg are up in Crewe and Nantwich backing their candidates to the hilt, taking every local photo-op available, Brown's handlers are keeping him as far out of sight as possible. No doubt fearful of the inevitable consequences of the Jonah curse of the one eyed son of the manse...
UPDATE : At the old people's home, Gordon was introduced to Maisie Wright, 94. "Hello, I'm Gordon Brown, the prime minister" he said as he proffered his hand. "That's nice" replied Maisie, "Wilf over there thinks he is Jesus Christ." Old, but good.
78 comments:
I thought Broon didn't take any notice of polls?
and now cherie crawls out of the woodwork saying tony is advising him!hahahahaha headcases is right then.
I thought this was a joke until I checked the link - he really, really isn't canvassing is he.....and he didn't go to Gwyneth Dunwoody's funeral either.
Staggering, and so very wrong that you have to suspect that some deeply disturbed thinking is behind it.
It would cause concern to see this sort of behaviour in family or friends; it is deeply worrying to see it in the leader of our country.
Politics aside, Britain might have its flaws and its foibles, but it deserves better than this.
Presumably the publishers have had to bring Cherie's book launch forward because they think McCavity will have permanently disappeared from the political scene by the Autumn and with him any chance of a best seller.
He'll be too busy unlocking talents to help out in Crewe - viz. this from the Telegraph this morning
"Mr Brown, who was joined at the conference by Brian Cowen on his first engagement as the new Taoiseach, told the conference in Stormont's Senate chamber: "I firmly believe that in today's global economy the countries that will succeed will be those that unlock the talents and potential of all their people. Yada yada yada, yada, yada, yada"
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/1939296/Gordon-Brown%27s-and1631bn-boost-to-Ulster.html
McBroon the door is open, kindly shut it when you leave!
Great advice from Tone, "Visit Cornwall Gordon". Omitting to tell Gordon that Labour are less likely to win a seat in Cornwall than Hell will freeze over.
Methinks Tone is having a laugh (at Gordon's expense). Or is he just keeping the Cursed One as far away from Crewe as possible?
Brown: [rocking in his chair]
didn't you mean rocking on his horse?
As Anon at 8.15 a.m. writes, it is staggeringly odd...either he is bouncing off the walls and the bag-packers follow after him quaking with fear, or someone has him on a choke lead and on a long walk in lonely, sparesly inhabited places. Mmmmm...
As for having Tuscan Tony as his advisor, it beggars belief - what a chance to hang McTwitch out to dry!! All those years of grumpy sulking at the Treasury are paying great dividends for our unelected Fiasco Leader. Looks like McCyclops has just bought a large amount of snake oil...
Hee hee hee !!!
Mr Elby
Wouldnt it have been far simpler for the bog trotter to have said
"Tomorrow belongs to China and we are all fucked" ?
Carter is taking a new book along for Gordon to read at the weekend.
Monopoly for the masses - in my own words!
are we having another relaunch on monday?
Labour is innadvertantly telling us just how Unpopular their Leader is.
Ordinarily youd expect the Party to drop him,, the fact that they are not might also suggest something else.
I've long suspected that there may not be anymore General Elections in this country, there is to be an 'event' and Gordon will bring out his enabling Powers conveniently set up by Blair.
This is not as easy to do if the Dictator has had to be chosen in these circumstances.
IE Not only is Broon Unelected but the Final Dictator of Britain is himself put in place simply because he is so unpopular.
This is very messy.
Hopefully it will wake the electorate up further.
http://www.eutruth.org.uk
You gotta read the link about the Eden project to understand this one,,,, it’s a local shop for local people .... the carry on in Royston Vasey just about sums this government up. With G o r d o n as Edward and Ruth Kelly as Tubbs surrounded by a cast of equally unseemly and spooky characters drawn from the ranks of his cabinet.
The Eden Project attracts a lot of people...real people...poor people and rich people alike...common people...I bet he has a private 'viewing' he will not want to have to mingle with The People OR will he call this meeting the people and understanding their concerns.
I do hope they give him a rousing rasberry
Oh sh!t, that's the weather spolit down here then...can't somebody else have him for the weekend?
If you care to go to Guido's 'Seen Elsewhere' links, 'Labour Finances...', In addition to reading 'Gordon Brown faces another humiliation with a possible defeat by the Tories in the Crewe and Nantwich by-election', you can vote on this week's poll, 'Can Labour stage a recovery in time to win the next general election?' Currently running at Yes 18; No 59.
Note that all this is in TRIBUNE, ('An independent democratic socialist magazine') NuLab is well and truly stuffed.
When did the Conservatives last gain a seat at a by-election?
Is the vist to the old people's home in Plymouth for some official reason or just sussing out possible future accommodation for Granny Broon.
"It's really a very nice one dear. Cherie recommended it. You could be very happy here and there's a room available whenever you want..."
The Prime Minister had to be kept away from the Dunwoody funeral because if the Labour party implodes - in a way not seen since the Liberal party did this time last century - it would have created a photo of Gordon by a coffin symbolically being the man who single-handedly buried the Labour movement.
Given Tony's desire to go down in history as the greatest leader of the Party, there is a narrative necessity in it going bang after he has left - and it all being Gordon's fault for having got in his way for over a decade. So, it's a win-win for Tony. If GB didn't go to the funeral he would be criticised as disrespectful, and if he did, GB would look even worse than he did in the Lisbon photos.
History is stalking GB, and it means to put its hand on his shoulder then flan-a-gram him. His tenure will be summed up by one disastrous photo and so far that will be the queues round the block at the Northern Rock, but history wants one with his moosh in it - like Chamberlain waving his silly note. Except even poor old Chamberlain can be argued to have bought us some re-armament time.
Gordon was a History Boy and dimly perceives the cloaked figure popping out from behind pillars, then vanishing again, glimpsed out of the corner of his functioning eye...
Can someone from the conservatives please knock up a couple of thousand of these http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2292/2478269130_a74b57c1a2_o.gif and post them all arond Crewe.
It gives Labour 2 choices - either they take them down ( and have to explain why ) or they leave them up and completely fuck up their candidates chances of winning.
Adrian, seems like there is a lot of support in Westminster for the Fixed Term (5Yrs) Parliament Bill, so the next GE may well be the last to be called at the PM's pleasure (or nightmare in GB's case).
Anonymous 9.15 AM said...
When did the Conservatives last gain a seat at a by-election?
- If The Cobbler wins it will be the first Tory by-election gain for 26 years.
How long until Eden closes due to chronic plant blight?
Adrian P.
I expect the same thing. Still, with the army out of the country at least they can't be used to suppress the inevitable revolution that will happen. Even if they're recalled I think they might be fairly lukewarm about supporting a government that keeps them chronically underfunded and fighting unwinnable wars.
They obviously wouldn't disobey orders, but there might suddenly be a lot of cockups and delays; troops being sent to the wrong place, arriving too late etc etc.
Long live the revolution!
This government does not rock in its chair. Unlike the party opposite, we believe in stability not just in the retail furniture trade but also ... which is why we have achieved highest growth rates in the history of the world ... lowest rate of inflation since the beginning of time ... four zillion new jobs for hard-working pensioners and their families ... eight zillion children lifted out of poverty ... school leaving age raised to twenty-two ... every student achieves fifty-seven 'A' levels ... no dumbing down ... crime abolished ... prisons no longer needed ... ... and also seven million new houses for hard-working children and their parents ... moreover we have created seventy-eight new criminal offences every day ... building a hundred thousand new prison places every year ... unlike the previous administration ... that is the way forward ... and this is the party ... zzzzzzzzzzz
slightly OT - here's a caption competition candidate Guido...
http://i27.tinypic.com/2jxv4.jpg
from the mail:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=565245&in_page_id=1770&ct=5
There's a strong convention that Prime Ministers do not campaign in by-elections - Blair was the only PM to break this in recent times, and he only did it once, to campaign for Margaret Hanson in the Eddisbury by-election in 1997.
Bean's 50% university education target is a real fraud.
It can only appear to work if the standard of the degree is reduced so that people with an IQ of 100 can pass. Yet all these 'global rivals' that Bean keeps wittering on about are only educating the top 5 to 10% of their populations - roughly those with IQs above 130.
It is all down to intrinsic talent - not everybody can play Premier league football, or merit playing a Strad violin. So it is with education as with everything else.
This statement of the bleeding obvious of course offends the left. But then if we followed their mantra we would all be starving as happened frequently in the Stalinist Soviet Union.
Crewe voters set to derail Labour's fightback
Labour supporters are in open revolt in Crewe, and that can only mean one thing: Mr Brown is in deep trouble.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/crewe-voters-set-to-derail-labours-fightback-825423.html
Gordon travelled to Plymouth and as he passed the roadside verges lining the way, the flowers withered, the grass yellowed and in the distance even the birds in the trees stopped singing.
It's all rather strange.
Gordon would not attend Gwyneth Dunwoody's funeral or campaign for her daughter in the Crewe by-election.
Gordon will go Campaigning for red Ken who he said was not fit for Mayor, go on This Morning talking about iPODs and visit Cornwall where no one votes Labour.
If one Anthony Charles Lynton Blair is indeed giving Gordon advice then he is stitching him up like a kipper.
'Mr Blair used to tell Mr Brown to get married if he wanted to be leader'
From the book Letterbox Mouth Cherie is flogging.
Wonder what jug ears will say tomorrow
The Fern interview was as convicing as one of Michael Grade's phone ins being real !
HH
It's not a fixed-term parliament that's needed. It's an English Parliament. Everyone else has got one, why not us?
I am going to Plymouth to tackle the challenges facing Britain today. That salesman Cameron is doing what he does best - selling his candidate. I only care about getting on with the job which, this week, is all about seeing the pretty flowers.
If people really responded to Cameron, there would be some proof in opinion polls. But since no opinion polls have been conducted since 1997, Labour are still the party of choice. And people love me.
Gordon might as well have a day at the seaside. Crewe and Nantwich is already lost and the Labour tactics of dressing up as "Tory Toffs" won't help either.
Oops sorry must stop as Breaking News "Worse Storm of the year so far batters Plymouth Hoe. A met office spokesman is reported to have said "This is totally unexpected.It just came out of nowhere from the North"
Don't you think Tamsin should get Tony Bliar to Crewe, as it least he is more popular with Labour voters than Brown?
So, what's Curnow done to deserve his malign presence.
Brilliant idea anon 9.56..
I wonder how much that promo movie cost the tax payer...
Beast Of Clerkenwell @ 8.55
4 words: Nail. On. The. Head.
Calamity Brown not to be confused with Capability Brown the gardener (not uphill) is going to put Labour out for years. Labour must know this, but nothing has happened .You can only conclude they are too limp to do anything about it. Pathetic!
OMG!!
'Speaking for Myself is published by Little, Brown on May 15, priced £18.99.'
Should have been published by Moron, Moron and Twat.
My missus works at one of the great offices of the UK establishment, now home to refugees from No10.
After Tone left office, quite a few No10 workers left because 'Brown was horrible to work for'. Tone was highly popular, polite, grateful etc
The exNo10 officials are kept up to date with the latest developments from the bunker.
Last night the missus told me that things are even worse in Downing Street these days. 'It's really horrible to work there now' apparently.
Where's Gordon?
Plymouth!
http://www.nationalrail.co.uk/ Just in case he does change his mind and fancies a weekend with Wendy... St Austell to Edinburgh - probably involves changing at Crewe, though...
Knowing the propensity this shambling mound of erectile tissue has for fouling things up, one half expects him to emerge blinking from the plane in Plymouth, NH, asking where the Eden project is.
What's the betting that we see him on the news this weekend. Munching a Cornish pasty and shaking the hand of some old people who are so clobbered with Altzimers that they don't have a clue who the fuck he is.
Curious that we're already back to something like Blair's final years, when he had to be kept under wraps during elections, he was perceived as such a liability....
Anonymous 1:06 PM.
Re OMG.
I do believe he has penetrated her!!!
guido - frank field on "any questions" has basically threatened to bring down gordon brown. it goes without saying that the following "any answers" has completely missed this (no surprises there)
i'll just cut'n'paste what a commenter said on politicalbetting.com - he sums it up :
BBC radio 4 - question time 1.45 today- in a nutshell he said unless he gets what he wants and he has not got it yet when the 10 p issue comes back to parliament then the mood of the back benchers which is getting increasingly angry they will vote against - this was clarified by dimbleby as a vote of confidence in the government
Frank Field is effectively setting government policy on this -Brown must dance to his tune and not get one step wrong or resign - it seems to be be clear cut
GB will have to do as he is told
You are a pack of hounds when you discuss Gordon...
Boris’s week: Monday worse than normal transport problems in London.
Siege with Barrister on London streets.
Fireball in London house kills two etc.
But according to sister Rachel the sun has shone since Boris took office!
Give Gordon a break! He has all my sympathy - now that we have to listen to Cherie’s views on politics too!!
Gordon Brown goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor doctor, every time I look in the mirror to practice a speech I get aroused."
The doctor replies, "I'm not surprised...you're a cunt."
I am confused. It has been said that Gordon did not go to Gwenyth Dunwoody's funeral because he did not wish to be pictured alongside a coffin which would give opportunities for tabloid caption writers to make similies.
However, he is now off to the EDEN project. Brown has frquently been compared with Eden ( disasterous PM, bogged down in a hopeless war in the Middle East, not up to the job, predecessor knew he would be hopeless and therefore tried to keep him out, forced to resign on grounds of il-health etc.)
Who in the name of God advised Gordon to go to the Eden project and invite such comparisons? Tony Blair?
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2292/2478269130_a74b57c1a2
This is showing unavailable image; can you check your reference?
John Trenchard [2.27]
Speaking of 'Any Questions' - was I the only one who heard Dimbleby announce that Charlie Kennedy was booked to appear but simply didn't bother to turn-up and that nobody could find him? What's the story here, Guido -is he back on the p*ss again?...
This is dreadful! DREADFUL - do you hear me!!
Jesus Christ DID visit the old folks home, - but they called him . . . . Prime Minister!?
It is in Gordon's best interests - nay, the Labour Party's best interests - that Brown stays out of the limelight as much as possible. These appearances on various television sofas, designed to make him appear more human, only serve to reinforce the perception that he is not.
Labour are unpopular, but replacing their leader again could only make matters a great deal worse for the party. What is more, no candidate worthy of the role is mad enough to want to wrestle the poisoned chalice from Brown's grasp. They are stuck with the leader they have, so need to make the best of it.
If Gordon stays out of the public eye and just gets on with the job, his party's fortunes will improve. It means no more television interviews with forced smiles, no more "long term stability" soundbites which sound increasingly hollow, and no flying visits to by-elections where he can only damage his party's chances. He also needs to improve the spending power of as many people as he can, and in the current economic climate that means significantly cutting taxes right across the board.
Whether Labour can win the next election is extremely doubtful, but there is still much to play for.
As previous comments - you could cut the atmosphere on this weeks BBC "Any Questions" with a knife as Frank Field quite slowly and clearly said in answer to a question on the 10p rate that unless he and other backbench colleagues received clarification before June when the Finance Bill reaches it's third stage. He and they will vote down the clause and the Finance Bill and by implication the Brown Government.
Jonathan Dimbleby appeared stunned and asked Frank Field three times for clarification. Field was coldly rational and precise - He and other backbenchers will vote down the Finance Bill at Third Reading(with no doubt Opposition assistance) in June if Brown does not clarify in public exactly how and when he is going to re-imburse the 5.3 million low paid losers caused by Brown's abolition of the 10p tax band and confirm that it WILL be back dated to 6 April.He also went on to intimate that because of this fiasco Labour will lose the Crewe and Nantwich by-election.
Dimbleby then asked whether he would vote the measure down even if it was a matter of confidence and that that could result in the end of Brown's government. Field answered in the affirmative.
I am not the original poster of the link anonymous 3.26pm
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2292/2478269130_a74b57c1a2_o.gif
but don't bother. It's the photo on an earlier topic of G. Brown smiling and Ms Dunwoody looking anorexicall in a strange pink tone.
PS If you can't see the end of a link like that, click on the main article title and the comments open to the same width,ie half page.
OK, I'm going to be serious for a minute, ok then 59 seconds.
I am no Tory, but CANNOT STAND LEFTIES, COMMUNISTS, HAIRY ARM PITTED NOSE STUDDED SWP WOMEN et etc
Now, I had a look at Edward Timpsons page hes standing for the tories in Crewe. Hes 34, is a handsome looking Cheshire lad, has a lovely young family, a family business which employs local people, is a family lawyer, runs marathons for charity and when he was growing up had 86 foster children over the period of his youth staying at his family home (You cant be an elite toff with that sort of ubringing) he plays football so to sum it up that Dunwoody MArk 2 is going to get a HIDING.
Also i think us Brits are 'conservative' when it comes to death and the sight of dunwoody jr storming so soon round the place with red balloons will leave a lot thinking where is the grief etc etc It will appear a bit ruthless and heartless to many.
Mr. Beast, my good man. Quite possibly. But i think before we are sold lock, stock and barrel to China, we must permit The Dear Leader to entertain us royally before he is straitjacketed out of Number 10.
I do believe that he has had a chip implanted, which cycles randomly through a series of stock portmanteau answers, that will do for most questions.
This can be set in a variety of modes; one we all well know, and which is clearly switched on at PMQs is "Tractor Production mode", which ensures that four out of fove answers consist of The DL vomiting statistics over his opponent, until they give up and retreat.
Occasionally, of course, it can go horribly wrong, such as when Wendy "I've got a face like a cod, me" Alexander said "I demand a referendum on Scottish devolution". The DL clarified this promptly, saying that that was not in fact what she said. Cod face then made it clear that that WAS what she said.
As my mother used to say - It will all end in tears - but on the way, we can thrill to the spectacle of the PM disintegrating in public. No more than he deserves.
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, Ill say it clear,
Ill state my case, of which Im certain.
Ive lived a life thats full.
Ive traveled each and evry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried.
Ive had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!
Gordon sing the song and then bog off!
Off Topic. But I keep getting this message when I try to visit Dale's site
"Google
Error
We're sorry...... but your query looks similar to automated requests from a computer virus or spyware application. To protect our users, we can't process your request right now.
We'll restore your access as quickly as possible, so try again soon. In the meantime, if you suspect that your computer or network has been infected, you might want to run a virus checker or spyware remover to make sure that your systems are free of viruses and other spurious software.
If you're continually receiving this error, you may be able to resolve the problem by deleting your Google cookie and revisiting Google. For browser-specific instructions, please consult your browser's online support center.
If your entire network is affected, more information is available in the Google Web Search Help Center.
We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope we'll see you again on Google."
My PC is as clean as a whistle, has ID been the victim of some cyber dirty-tricks?
Its all a cunning ploy. They've got him to Plymouth and now if they can just get him to leave his pin stripe and underwear on the beach and a note saying 'goodbye cruel world'.
The nation spends a day grieving and then holds an election.
Meanwhile Brown can come back in a tramps clothes and hat, a false beard and false teeth.
He just needs to take a new name off an object or signpost..
"John Combe..Jim Devonport.. Bill Tor..Gareth Selsby of Stoke Poges.. Colin Cadbury-Wrapper..Exeter StMary, Kelly Dartmouth.. Robert Dyas ..
Ahh this will do.. Anthony Eden"
I'm with BE* and get this message from Google...are you with BE*?
Give Gordon a break! He has all my sympathy - now that we have to listen to Cherie’s views on politics too!!
You are obviously a mentalist. Give Gordon a break? Never, never, ever. Hound the bastard until death,or he cracks up, whichever comes first. He is the enemy of the people. The things he's done he doesn't deserve any human consideration or mercy. The bastard. Just think what he would have done to us if he'd had the guts to call that election and won it. Gordon is on the ropes. It's time to kick him in the bollocks. Again and again and again.
Basil Brush sez "Also i think us Brits are 'conservative' when it comes to death and the sight of dunwoody jr storming so soon round the place with red balloons will leave a lot thinking where is the grief etc etc It will appear a bit ruthless and heartless to many."+
well said Basil ...!
and ....If the Welsh didnt want her , why should Crewe get their rejects ....
the Google message normally comes when you request pages from Google in rapid succession - particularly when you're paging. I used to get it with an app I wrote to test out various elements in the Google algorithm.
It's not Dale, it's either something on your PC or Google have released yet another duff update. On the other hand, if you're using a shared IP I suppose it could be anybody else on that IP, now there's a thought.
Put a tramp in a suit pretend he is brown and walk him round the estates that should win a few votes.Face it if he was questioned on anything his answers would make as much sense.
Y'know ... when I heard on the news just now that Gordon had been asking Tony for advice on how to win an election it reminded me of the old story about a little Jewish tailor who couldn't sell his T-shirts. Day after day he'd hawk the shirts from town to town, but no-one would buy one. In desperation he decided to share his problems with the Almighty. "Dear God," he pleaded, "how come no-one buys my T-shirts? They're just as good as everyone else's?"
The sky darkened, lightning flashed and a voice boomed down from heaven: "Sew an alligator on them."
So the tailor sewed a tiny alligator to the front of every T-shirt, and before long they were all sold out and he was making a fortune.
When the Prime Minister telephoned his predecessor for a little timely advice you can almost imagine the latter's impish grin as he replied "Gordon, why not try sewing an alligator on it? It's worked before, and it might just work again."
Frank wrote
It's time to kick him in the bollocks. Again and again and again."
Too true Frank-as a Scot, I'll gladly hold down the turd while you do ALL the kicking you wish!
thought for the day said...
"...When the Prime Minister telephoned his predecessor for a little timely advice you can almost imagine the latter's impish grin as he replied "Gordon, why not try sewing an alligator on it? It's worked before, and it might just work again."
Is there any point to that story?
There's no way Brown would be seen dead on the streets of C&N. How would he ever handle a *real* person incensed with the 10p tax issue and the million other shoddy policies New Labour have enacted since coming into office?
He's not welcome in Cornwall or Plymouth - lets hope his visit to Eden isn't the death nell for the project, its already finding things a bit tough and needs that creep like a hole in the head
The last thing the Eden project needed was a visit by Jonah. Visitor numbers have been rapidly falling off as people having seen it once can't be bothered to go back again. In desparation they have been letting locals have a 1 year pass for a fiver. Could Jonah be the final nail in the coffin?
He's well and truly fooked up Cornish weather since his visit, yesterday was a day of dank mist and it is still here this morning.
Hatfield girl
Devolution is a Trojan horse, a trick, what use is an English Parliament if 80% of British laws are made in Brussels.
Devolution is to confuse the electorate that they are getting something they are not, to soak up and fragmemnt the Nationalist vote.
http://www.infowars.com
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