Gordon Loses His Way Again With the PLP
Sky's Jon Craig didn't come into the Lobby to have his advice ignored. Last night the PM's advance security detachment asked him which door Gordon should use to enter the PLP meeting. "The Chairman's Entrance," Craig told him. "The PM always uses the Chairman's Entrance."Ian Austin, PPS to Gordon, ignored the advice leading the PM in via the "Members' Entrance", which, according to Craig;
plunged them into a throng of Labour MPs and peers waiting to hear the PM rather than to the platform from where he was due to speak, they emerged, sheepish and embarrassed, and headed for the "Chairman's Entrance".
"Gordon's got lost again!" shouted one wag among the political journalists in the corridor. And indeed he had.
If only the Prime Minister, his PPS and his detective had listened to me.
Guido is compiling a (shades of Dale) list of the top twatty Mr Bean things that Mr Brown has done.
Going on the list are:
Going on the list are:
- Reading from an autocue obscuring his face at his "Gordon for Britain" launch.
- Tucking his trousers into his sock.
- Getting lost at Windsor Castle Dinner for Sarkozy to the amusement of Her Majesty.
- Locking himself in the toilet and having to ring Blair on his mobile to get him out.
- Absent mindedly picking his nose for two minutes on the front bench on budget day 2007 in full view of the Tory ranks and TV viewers.
- Getting entangled in balloons at a photo-op.
- After an interview with Adam Boulton in India, getting up and walking into a plant pot.
- Forgetting the access codes for his own office resulting in a No. 10 armed security response unit rushing to find him in his nightie.
- Telling the same anecdotal jokes time and again and still screwing them up.
- Trusting Blair to keep his word after the Granita dinner.
Any more twatty things? In the comments please...
78 comments:
"Run" for leader of his party, and by extension the office of Prime Minister
7. Lisbon signing
8. Pretending to support England
9. British jobs for British workers
10. His mealy-mouthed defence of Peter Hain
11. Talking about setting out his vision without ever ever actually providing one
12. Attempting to kiss Carla.
13. Answering questions with questions (every PMQ)
14. Using the term 'global economic turbulence' to describe national economic failures.
15. Not quite facing the camera on the Downing Street videos
16. Saying that he was never planning to hold a general election and that his decision had nothing to do with the polls
17. On being congratulated by Cameron on Tibet responding with "We make the right decisions at all times".
The most stupid thing Brown did was to bottle the early election.
Remember the Tories' position in the polls at the time? He had the chance to finish them off.
Now they will finish him off.
Generally, since he took over, he has fucked up absolutely everything, without exception. Truly, Gordon is a moron.
....refusing to wear the proper suit for formal dinners....and turning up looking like he's slept in the one that he is wearing....
Guido, if you had shit trickling out of your nappy and heading south you too would tuck your trousers into your socks. It's the last defence, man.
7) Arriving late to sign the Treaty of Lisbon, which achieved the double-whammy of pissing everyone off and at the same time not gaining anything.
8) Failing to back Harman at a public press conference, even when the press began to laugh at his repeated evasions.
I reckon:
"The PM always uses the Chairman's Entrance."
is a coded reference to his sexuality.
18. Not taking his medication.
Gordan is always in denial. When he is kicked out he must be put on suicide watch for his own safety.
All of the excruciating videos he's made starting "I'd like to congratulate ---"
19. Letting Harriet Harman within 10 yards of teh despatch box.
19. Being born.
20. Being born in Scotland.
21. Gulping after every sentence.
22. Attempting rictus smile.
23. Setting out his moral compass - I'd wish he'd follow it and head back north.
24. Standing mute, licking his ice cream while Blair was being mugged by Nick Robinson in the last general election campaign.
25. Using foul and abusive language with his subordinates.
After speaking to Adam Boulton in India, live on Sky Gay Gordon walked into/tripped over something ... a plant pot I think.
The Granita dinner? Interesting definition of "of late" there, Guido.
Anonymous @ 4:31pm
Why?
19. Falling off his rocking horse and landing on Balls.
Good point, now deleted "of late".
Brown's moronic stunt of trying to wrong foot Cameron at the end of the 2007 budget with the tax-cut-that-never-was was incredibly twattish. Everything he's done since has reinforced the impression of his being not only a shyster but a fucking inept one at that!
1.Selling our gold at $250 per oz was AAA twattery but announcing the sale in advance qualifies him as Fuckwit Extraordinaire. Mr Bean would not have had the fuckwittery to achieve this triple salko of financial suicide.
2. Drinking red wine after taking his early evening dose of dydrogesterone is serious twattery as evidenced by his going missing at Brenda's dinner for the vertically challenged frog and his second hand bint.
How about:
Destroying pension schemes?
Selling Gold reserves just before Gold tripled in value?
Creating one of the biggest trade defecits this country has ever seen?
Pricing hundreds of thousands of people out of owning their own home?
Could go on endlessly on this, but its just not worth it. Far better just to emigrate and leave what used to be a lovely country to be picked over by illiterate migrants and corrupt former Socialists.
Anon 4:42
Gordo stumbled over one of the carpets lining the red carpet. Cue sniggering from Boulton.
http://adamboulton.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/01/brown-studies-i.html
a. Allowing himself to be set up by the Army tank crew, who encouraged the great leader to write on the side of Cyclops the tank, without realising that they were taking him for a ride.
b. Selling Gold on Forex markets and making it known he would do so. then using proceeds to buy dollars and US Treasury Bonds.
d. Attmpts to French kiss Sarkozy's wife in front of the cameras. Won't look good on a billboard at Election Time.
e. Constantly claiming that inflation is at its lowest ever, and that it is still only 2%.
f. Bailing out Nothern Crock.
g. Appointing Alexander, Darling, Purnell, Flint, Blears, Balls, Cooper, Harman and Smith as ministers.
h. Not coming clean over donations to his leadership campaign, or declaring his expenses.
i. Encouraging Wendy Alexander not to resign.
j. Going into hidding everytime questiosn are raised about his competence as Chancelllor.
k. Claiming to support England.
l. Making visits to schools at any time.
m. Pretending to support one team even worse than Partick Thistle.
n. offering his full support for Ken Livingslime.
o. Claiming that Call Me Dave was the brains behind Black Wednesday.
p. Stabbing the dispatch box with his fiend like claws.
q. Setting himself up for the photo opportunities or numerous caption competitions on Guido's site.
Claiming he would bring 1500 troops home from Afghanistan when he thought an election was in the offing, then leaving them there after he bottled out of it.
Forgetting access codes for his own office and turning no. 10 security out to meet him in his nightie.........
"A government of all the talents"
Smith? Harperson? Flint...?
"The mayoral candidate wants to cut the number of police" (see Guido's earlier thread).
"May I refer the Honourable Member to a report that will be published in June about a discussion paper issued in January about the findings of a select committee which will be meeting in July... bla bla"
"British jobs for Polish peop...
Oops
a. reference to Nelson Mandela being freed in their lunchtime!
b. telling the same anecdotal jokes time and again and still screwing them up.
I agree with others, the Lisbon (non-)signing has to be included.
Claiming to have abolished the economic cycle, perhaps? Or, how about his favourite goal of all time being the one Paul Gascoigne scored against Scotland in Euro '96?
Repeating the same anecdote again and again until he can't remember where it came from
failing to learn from his that you should tell the truth!
This fukker just lies qaboput everything, I dont even think it would recognise the truth if it bit him on the arse!
a totally sad, lying loser
come out and fuck off u cunt
Being photographed with that smug, slimy, insufferable grin after forcing Blair to stand down, which prompted John Hutton to say he'd make a 'fucking awful prime minister'.
Being born.
Technically speaking, the opening paragraph should have read: "Sky's Jon Craig didn't come into the Lobby to have his advice ignored." Or drink house wine of course.
Just being shit!.
Point taken re phraseology, amended.
Some Michael Martin news:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7325138.stm
Poor Gordon, never rains but it pours. Hahahaha.
Life is like a Labour manifesto commitment.
You never know what you're gonna get.
so what does socialist gordon have in common withg fascist moseley?
How about using the McCanns and their "Find Maddy" campaign as a photo opportunity which backfired when the parents were hauled in for questioning and subsequently made "aguidos"?
Making a big deal about going on holiday in this country (as distinct from the Blair's constant trips abroad) and arranging to stay at Jim Knight's Dorset home, which happens to be in a marginal constituency. After only a few hours in Weymouth, Gordon rushes back to London to chair a Cobra meeting and doesn't bother to return to Dorset.
Standing on a kerbside and saying everything will be domne to bring the killers of rhys Jones to justice.
The killer is still at large months later.
In read your list and had to smile. It made me think of Inspector Clouseau but that isn probablu unfair
on Clouseau. Perhaps the Mr Bean is more apposite.
IMO he constantly mangle sentences.
I was going to say for being a Jonah. Then realised that he is probably the best Jonah in the world. A rare yet great triumph for Gordon.
When he planned to have an election he flew out to Iraq to tell the troops (and any TV camera within miles including those he took with him) that they would be coming home in next Spring . He ain't gone anyhere near those troops now that they ain't and he ain't.
Mr Brown PM
You are being very badly let down by your spinners. I don't know how much you are paying them, but if the best they can come up with is "Labour is on the side of the ordinary people" then you are paying them far too much.
I will do it for half as much. I will brand you as a jolly uncle figure with an amazing financial wherewithall. Also I could write you some new interesting anecdotes.
Do not listen to the asslicken crowd of creeps and cretins surrounding you. You are pathetic, you put people off, you are a tired one-trick pony and the glue factory is just around the corner.
Remember that glow you felt knifing Mr Blair, well I reckon mid May you should start watching your back. The truth is that politician just love snouting the trough, not enough votes means no more swill. They will murder their own granny for cash, you wont stand an earthly, Gordon.
The ordinary people simply despise you for wrecking our society and economy, for not caring about our indentities, for lying and twisting facts and figures, for breaking your solemn promises with the referendum, for having visions and believing in the stabiliy at the bottom of the garden.
You are a ranting, bullying, clueless, useless oafish coward.
Fuck off Mr Bean ASAP.
As others have mentioned, his claw-like banging of the dipatch box at PMQs.
Apparently there is a concept in Sociology called 'groupthink'. It characterises organisations that are unwilling to admit the truth of events. This is either because the truth is not seen by the group due to their own pre-conceptions, or it is because the cock-up is so immense that nobody wants to be the one to mention it first as they will get the blame - rather like telling Hitler something he didn't want to hear was a quick way to the firing squad.
In this case it's the Labour Party that is in a state of groupthink about the quality of their leader.
Not daring to admit that labour is dead in Scotland, and Independence a certainty...
Wait, wait! Everyone's fogotten his finest moment. The pathetic attempt at popularism, the mock sincerity, the gawp, the light-switch smile, the general awfulness of it all...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNZHKKZGikM
....What about "liking the Arctic Monkeys"-or was that some Tory loser?
1. Putting a bunch of nu-lab solicitors in charge of bank regulation at the FSA.
2. Failing to apply ANY supply-side reforms to the tax/benefit system despite 10 years of rapidly growing tax take.
3. Selling off our gold.
4. Failing to extend CGT to main homes 11 years ago.
5. Failing to understand our tax system despite 11 years in the job.
Did anyone see Harman in the bullet proof vest? How can team Brown have allowed such a mistake? Don't they realise how that looked? apart from the fact it is illegal for anyone other than a police officer to wear clothing that bears the legend "police" it was a crushing PR disaster. Streets not safe for me unless I've got body armour. You lot can sort yourself out. Seriously, who is going to shoot or stab Harman with police in close attendance? Badly thought out. Contrasts with the apparent Churchillian stoicism of Blair under threat at the Queen's Golden Jubilee. Or so the papers say!
To be fair, Anon 7.21, there are quite a lot of people who feel the urge to go into a stabbing frenzy simply at the sight of Harperson. Perhaps she is the one member of nulab with some insight.
Moving his lips.
Isn't it about time that people started whistling Colonel Bogey?
Have a competition for fresh lyrics like: "Gordon has only got one eye..."
Or start a joke like "How many balls has Gordon got?"
Ans: "Three, but two of them are in his Cabinet."
One for the future. The look on snottys face when what he did to blair gets done to him.He may think he is king shit but the u bend of history beckons and blinky wont wait too long .
Will he be blair then eh making a pile and having fun or will it be Ted heath,sniping at the world hunched under the chip on his shoulders.
Realizing that he couldn't be elected without being married and having 2.4 children, but then having to have a supposedly paparazzi photograph of him and his 'girlfriend' retaken because he appeared insufficiently affectionate.
I would be suprised if Gordan is even abel to wipe his own arse.
The infamous 'tax cut' moment in the 2007 budget - which was really a massive tax rise for the lowest paid.
The Basra stunt in the middle of the Tory party conference.
Didn't he also get lost on his way to sign some treaty to give up yet more of our sovereignty - or was he just being rude again as well?
praguetory @ 4.14 PM: Did he REALLY attempt to kiss Carla? I don't believe it! Is it on video? Did she slap his face? If not, why not? Ugh!
Anon: 8.12 You've just reminded me. When Gordon first took office, didn't he make a speech with his wife at his side outside 10 Downing Street and then immediately afterwards walk into 10Downing Street leaving his wife just standing there?
Then there was Gordon's first PMQs where he forgot how many days he had been in office, started stammering and answered one question so badly that John Reid had to come to his help.
Going back to the beginning when he first became PM, didn't he spend a remarkably long time inside Buckingham Palace? At the time I thought he was just boring the Queen, droning on about what he was going to do as PM, but could it be that he got lost trying to get out of the Palace?
Censoring his blog because he is afraid of criticism?
Trumpeter Lanfried said...
Did he REALLY attempt to kiss Carla? I don't believe it! Is it on video? Did she slap his face? If not, why not? Ugh!
Yes, Really! Here is the evidence:
Ugh!
At the recent Scottish Labour Conference, in his cool "walking round the stage" speech, he was so pleased with himself that he uttered the immortal words about "freeing Nelson Mandela in our lunchtime"!
Yes, the more you reflect, the more you realise that our Prime Minister really is a prize chopper.
aardvark @ 9.46 PM. Oh shit! Spare me, spare me!
I think the time the cunt wished all the fucking Hindus in this country "happy Diwali" then happy Eid to the cunt Muslims , then happy fucking L Ron cunting Hubbard day to scientologists, using exactly the same script.
See this link....
http://youtube.com/watch?v=D3cf7x4v6Us
For childishly wearing goggles and snorkel in his bath and for leaving them on display in his bath room for Littlejohn to find
For counting imaginary piles of our taxes all along the top of the despatch box during numerous PMQs
remind me again - why did they get rid of Blair?
anyone?
bueller? bueller?
and here's another one - but its Ed Balls...
"So What?"
For claiming to be poor son of the manse when everybody knows that he his mother was director of a family company that practically owned the town of Insch.
his lack of social skills, mishandling of Lisbon, his past absence in blairreign key decision making – eye on my future, what’s iraq? - his sub-capable obsequious clique – presenting one of the most inept, out of touch, government front benches in many a lifetime, his rehearsed eloquence and perceived fall-back safety in (often erroneous - but where's the challenge – 2% inflation? – happy pensioners afloat?) statistics, weird mannerisms; etc. - the man's not fit for purpose – but a triumph for the mildly autistic/aspergers amongst us. History will judge.
Bottling the election he could have won (thank god)! This will be like a pebble in his shoe for ever. How many people will get blamed for the "bad advice" given to Brown over this. Even worse was not facing up to the media and giving an "exclusive" interview to Andy "Pandy" Marr. How couragous of you Gordon! What a bunch of losers the Labour Party has been for saddling the country with this national emabaressment.
For:
Clasping hands, folding thumbs(most precisely), opening thumbs (most precisely), touching notes (adoringly), lovingly stroking despatch box, aaaaaaggghhh, gaping and gasping.
Clasp, fold, open, touch, stroke, clasp, fold, open, touch, stroke - aaaauugghhh gape and gasp - clasp, fold, open, touch, stroke - aaauugghh gape and gasp - clasp, fold, open, stroke...aaauuuggghhh!
For:
Clasping hands, folding thumbs(most precisely), opening thumbs (most precisely), touching notes (adoringly), lovingly stroking despatch box, aaaaaaggghhh, gaping and gasping.
Clasp, fold, open, touch, stroke, clasp, fold, open, touch, stroke - aaaauugghhh gape and gasp - clasp, fold, open, touch, stroke - aaauugghh gape and gasp - clasp, fold, open, stroke...aaauuuggghhh!
"the PM's advance security detachment"??? WTF? This was in the Palace of Westminster, why the hell does he need a security detachment there, never mind an "advance" one?
Guido, are they worried that you might sneak a few barrels of gunpowder past security? Or is he so unpopular that the Labour backbenchers would give him a good kicking if he didn't have some heavies there?
There are two entrances to HoC committee rooms: the one for the Members and the one for the public. No such thing as a "Chairman's Entrance" (or if there is, it's the same as the MPs entrance).
After the bogey-munching,everything was downhill.
Nancy has been going in the chamber of the house of commons for over twenty years, it's not as though he doesn't know about the cameras or that people all around the world may watch PMQs.
Anyone with a passing acquaintanceship with sanity, whatever their secret personal habits, would say to themselves before entering the chamber, remember, best leave the snot-eating out for a while now, and the wanking, TV cameras in here.
Anyone with the vaguest understanding of the Internet would know that an error of judgement can be, ineradicably, all around the globe, almost instantaneously. Anyone with half a brain would not have done that. The snot-eating.
In many ways it would have been less offensive if he had got his cock out and started wanking, right there, on the front bench, at least, then, he could have been sectioned, which is what he needs, the poor, mad, gibbering freak.
Poor, friendless Nancy, do none of his ghastly crew tell him that all around the world people can -and do- watch the UK prime minister picking his nose and eating it; that whatever show of clumsy elegance he attempts with David Beckham and the Stick Insect, or with the ghastly frog and his showy bint, people look at him and see a paranoid, delusional, sixty year old fairy behaving like a two year old; not in secret but painfully, horrifyingly, in front of the entire world.
The snot-eating does not of itself have the frightening economic implications of Nancy's continued, disastrous chancellorship; nor does it have an impact on the hundred or so Afghanistan deaths which Labour predicted would never happen, the cruel, bloody catastrophe of world war three starting-up in Iraq; the raping of the country by the super-greedy, nasty little hedge fund wankers with mean mouths and gross appetites; countless other maladroitnesses, misjudgements and stupidities cannot directly be blamed upon Nancy picking his nose and eating it, or can they? Is the country hostage to Nancy's bogies ?
Until someone in the press, or in parliament says Oi, Nancy, have you any idea what a fucking laughing stock you have made of our country, will you apologise ? then, yes, he will continue to behave as though, firstly, he is such a great man that his public snot-eating is a minor idiosyncrasy, a price his subjects should be happy to pay to keep him at the helm or, secondly, that the snot-eating never actually happened, all got-up by the nasty bloggers.
Nancy displays the contempt for decency and good manners, the bullying bombast and the complete disregard for truth and honesty of the truly, incurably deranged. Our prosperity, our liberties, our safety, our joint futures are in the nail-bitten hands of a delusional, bad-tempered, screeching, incompetent, criminal, snot-eating freak.
The rest, Northern Rock, ID cards, money laundering, Iraq, torture, rendition, Lisbon and on and on, these are his cowardly, desperate, illegitimate, attritional, Mugabe Moments, his Nutter-Visions, his GayNaziPresbyterian Values, just, in short, what you would expect from a gibbering, spasming, sixty year old, snot-eating monster.
Nancy, a suitable case for treatment.
I can only think of that time he dined out on his own bogey in the packed chamber in front of the tv cameras. Anyone remember that?
Its just a shame that Gordon hasn't had a photo opportunity in a brewery. The caption competition possibilities are endless ...
Stanislav a young polish entrepeneur 12.10 am
Could this be why the BBC are searching for a new nancy?
Is Lloyd Webber in the know?
Should the country be told?
Will the real nancy stand up?
Would he please pack up his tent and fuck off?
Ghost of Ian Smith
Last year the Mr Bean had molar root canal filling work, such is his support for the NHS he went private. Then he and his spinners claimed he was too busy to find an NHS dentist prepared to treat him.
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