Laughing to Order for Gordon
Kevin Maguire hates being described as Gordon's stooge. Yet surely if you compere a Q&A session for Gordon at the Labour Party's poorly attended spring conference, you risk exactly that, particularly if you cravenly fake laughter at an anecdote you have heard Gordon tell over and over and over again. Truly cringe worthy.Guido has himself heard the "sports pages" anecdote more times than he cares to remember, our Kevin must have as well.
Gordon's Speech at "Britain's Everyday Heroes" Book Launch (24 July 2007)
"The great American jurist Justice Warren once said that he read the newspaper sports pages first because stories there were of human achievements, and the front pages last because their stories were of human failings."Speech on the Global Economy at the Reuters Building (1 October 2007)
"And I am reminded of the story of Earl Warren, who said that he looked at the sports pages first because it told him a great deal about human achievement, and he looked at the front pages last because all it wrote about was human failings."Downing Street press conference (8 October 2007)
"I have been tempted over this weekend to take the advice of Errol Warren (sic), the American jurist, who said he only read the sports pages of the newspapers because they were all about human achievements, and he didn't read the front pages because they were all about human criticisms."Speech at Sports Colleges conference (1 February 2008)
"US Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren once said he read the front pages of newspapers last because they focused on human failing. He read the sports pages first because they focused on human accomplishments and achievements."Last month at the NFU the weirdo PM forgot the bloody anecdote, which Guido can by now chant in his sleep, attributing it to JFK. (18 February 2008)
"John Kennedy was the President of the United States in the 1960s, and he used to say when he got bad newspaper headlines: 'I'm reading them more and enjoying them less'. He said he read the sports pages first because they talked about human achievements and only the front pages last because all they talked about was human failings."And now at last week's Labour spring conference. Kevin Maguire deserves an acting award to go with his 'Order of the Brown Nose' for his reaction to the line.
Hat-tip : DB
65 comments:
Do you think he asked Earl/Errol Warren/John Kennedy if he could borrow the line? This is the sort of thing Hillary would jump on as a key election-turning issue!
Nothing wrong in that at all Guido, it's all perfectly in line with the ZanuLabour policy of making announcements and then announcing them up to five times again in the future as though they had never uttered them before.
For a man who bangs on about courage, El Gordo seems to inspire only cowardice amongst those who surround him. Why are they so scared?
Not only that but on 3 occasions I've heard Brown trot out the line about Mark Twain coming to london and not long remaining pure bla bla bla
Gordon Brown telling a joke, "is like a dog walking on its hinder legs. 'Tis not well done, but the wonder is, 'tis done at all." [Dr Johnson.]
Your scribbles make me laugh Guido.
For that I thank you,lots.
phyzx
Ps : There is a source of free energy called "overparity electromagneto generation" it seems its being suppressed.Thought I would enlighten your readers,an
throw another spanner in the works.
ho ho
phyzx ...free power for all
If you reprat a lie often enough people will start to belive it. If you repeat a bad joke....
Hmm. Macguire seems a strange choice for a compere - very inept. Wonder what he charges? He even makes the PM look good, I suppose.
MH
Perhaps he could slip in the anecdote attributed to Richard Nixon when he resigned over Watergate.
As he stood in the Oval Room for the last time Nixon stared at the portrait of John F Kennedy and said bitterly "When people look at him they see what they could be but when they look at me they see what they are"
He could alter the names around perhaps inserting Blair and himself to give it a "British" feel ?
Having considered my options, I would prefer to listen to Stalin telling his joke than to Spunky Dunky giggling.
Both are preferable to Wor Cuntybollox.
And of course Guido never ever recycles jokes.
what a pair of freaks.
come on Sanilav.....a chance top comment on your two favourite people...toilets and the snotgobbler!
Why is Gordon Brown advertising his book, "Britain's Everyday Heroes" on the Number 10 website?
http://www.pm.gov.uk/output/Page12600.asp
KM tells Gordy a joke...
Gordy and Ed get lost on Hampstead Heath. They decide to explore different directions and meet up in the morning.
Later, Gordon reports 'Och aye, I found Tony Blair tied to a railway line. So I fucked him up the arse, bit off his cock and balls and shat over his tits.'
'You jammy bastard. Did you get a blow job?' inquires Ed.
'No ye great daftie, I could nae find his head'.
What a pair of twats.
That "joke" isn't very funny the first time. These two clowns remind me of those Nice-but-dim pricks who repeat Macmillan's maxim about "Events dear boy, events" as if that were some sage-like piece of insight (Harry was simply buying time as he fiddled with his ear piece to hear the next question.)
Anyway, if these two walliles are the best Labour can do, perhaps we really can flush them away when McFrit calls the next election...
Politicians ALWAYS tell the same gags.
I quite like this one tho...
I don't think it was just Kevin Maguire that was the stooge - what about the questioners.
Check out the video at 2.10 in, when he picks the first questioner.
Kevin Maguire looks at his notes as if to find who he has to choose for the question.
"The lady with the white piece of paper there..."
The lady asks the question and Kevin Maguire then asks for further questions around that question, "Fairness, Social justice and the economy"
She hadn't mentioned the economy!
Remind us of the story about the chancellor who , when told by his civil servants he was inheriting an economy in great shape, replied, ' What do you want me to do, send them a fucking thank you letter.'
Laughter IS the best medicine! I fall about in histerics every time I hear the "then pull yourself together old chap" punchline.
Then, of course, reality sets in when I realise it IS in fact curtains for us and our country.
Give us a vote you snot-eater.
As for toilets - Stanislav does it best - I give way to the honourable young plumber.
Toilets is obviously anticipating an encounter later, a reciprocal cocksucking for the one being delivered here. Nasty cunts, both of them
Are Gordon and 'Toilets' planning on following Alan Duncans lead by announcing their marriage in The Telegraph?
As Frank Carson says...."it's the way you tell em".............
It's good to see two people so happy. I wish them both luck with their civil partnership.....I am on the right thread, aren't I?
If he used his own anecdotes it would be even more boring than repetition.
There'd just be stories about working, looking dour and rocking horses.
I don't want to hear any of them.
It suggests the antithesis of the Paxman interview with Michael Howard where he asked him if he'd threaten to over-rule the head of the prisons service fourteen times.
He (Paxman) was asked about the interview later and is reputed to have replied that he'd had a mental block and couldn't think of anything else to ask him!
Not sure why, but this reminded me of a great line by Jack Handy -
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
(Hmmm, substitute 'Dad' with 'Gordon' & you've probably got the next Labour NHS reform plan)...
Wonder how much Brown pays Maguire - or does he do it for love! - but does ANYONE take ANY notice of what Maguire says?
Maguire,Bless him - why keep calling him Toilets - I'm sure he cant help it - should be pitied more than anything - and don't be so unkind about Brown repeating his jokes - I'm sure that's what all comedians do isn't it?
Hey Guido, used to love your site, but can't read the new layout - why use such dark fonts against a dark background?
At around 20.10 in the video Brown tries to rouse the audience with his, ahem, inspiring rhetoric. Maguire then points out that someone in the audience has fallen ill. Either this was a very feeble attempt to copy the fainting women thing the Obama campaign hyped last month, or someone was, quite literally, bored to death. At 37.08 a woman comes on stage and starts fiddling with Gordon in the trouser region and the picture fades to a Labour logo for a minute or so; wiping him off ready for Kevin, perhaps?
I have been tempted over this weekend to take the advice of Errol Warren...
Try taking the advice of Jack Kevorkian as a change from all these Errols, Earls and Johns.
Maguire giggles insanely at his own quips - what a vile git he is.
They're both out of their depth...
Bit slow on these things, and apologies if this is widely known, but I've just noticed that if you hold down the round slider on Youtube to stop its progress whilst playing (by left clicking on it and then keeping the mouse button clicked), the subject gets delerium tremens. This shake is particularly rewarding, and clearly highly entertaining for Gord on this video at 26:44.
Bloody Freaks
Hold on a minute, haven't the front pages been dire for Labour since he crowned himself cheif wanker?
So by my reckoning his anecdote should be.....
I am reminded of the great words of Bloody Freaks, read the sports news first as it shows human achievement and leave the front page because it shows all MY failings.....
Where's stanislav, suppose he won't come out till we agree to pay his call out fee.......:(
"We are the party of stability", "...more people employed...", "lowest inflation", (yawn, yaaawn). "We are the party of stability", "...more people employed...", "lowest inflation", (yawn, yaaawwwn, yaaawwwnnn)."We are the party of stability", "...more people employed...", "lowest inflation",
+ approximately 30 choruses to be repeated at PMQs for the next 6 bloody months. Enough to bore a deaf mute!
Do you think Brown sees any irony in his constant retelling of this anecdote? After all, the government has not exactly performed very well in recent months and the headlines haven't been too kind to him and his useless colleagues for some time now.
He is not very good at this humour thing; levity and Broon do not mix. He is a deeply malevolent, bitter man who should probably be certified.
Wodehouse nailed it: "It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine."
oh dear things not happy at labour HQ .
well ok we appreciate the no elction till 2009 rumour , trying to piss on liberation front movements bonfire a bit.
dont worry we are prepared for all seasons and occasions , the elction will come heaven knows when but it will come.
Was Maguire laughing with or at Brown?
Mind you, it could all be down to the goldfish memories of these two. Maybe that would account for Brown constantly talking about 'new' money when it's been announced fouteen times already. Maybe that's why Maguire believes it too...
Nice Wodehouse reminder shitbag!
To a T!!
Its his only anecdote and he probably got a ghost anecdoter to do it for him he doesn't have the time with being courageous and all.
Ive said it before and i will say it again he is just shit.
As for toilets maguire well words fail me but ol stan can do it for us.
Something else that Gordon Brown is well advised to leave alone is that smile. He seems to always flash it at the wrong moment and when he does he looks like a dead ringer for Richard Nixon.
What's with this shit about Earl Warren? It's Lee Harvey Oswald we fucking need right now.
broon is basically a fukin laughing stock. even his own supporters dont bother to turn up to listen to his deluded shite!
come out and fuck off you snotgobbling knob jockey
Well thanks a lot guido, theres me singing your praises on Saturday and how do you return the favour? You put a picture of twats maguire up. Not only that but he is sat next to that scotch thingy!
Not only has my tea made a reapperance but my monitor has a fucking big dent in it now. Please, next time you want to put a pair of tits on your blog please make them a perky 40dd attached to a drop dead gorgeous blonde.
If you can actually bear the pain to listen to this shit you quickly realise Broon is doomed.
He won't last 30 seconds in an election campaign spouting the shite and lies he is here.
He's toast
Lets face it the Sports pages haven't been too good for Brown either - Brown jinxes every match he shows up for.
The 'love in' Q & A between Toilets and Brown is beyond piss poor - is it some kind of a joke Guido?
Maquire must be a complete moron if he hasn't seen the writing on the wall for the unbelievably hopeless Brown. Personally I don't even feel sorry for him anymore - the man is the worst thing that has ever happened to this country, and I can only wish ill towards him.
Gordon's vision = rehash of wit and wisdom of some obscure long dead US judge. Oh how we laughed at this shining wit, (misprint).
Only a Raith Rovers fan could be so accustomed to losing big time. Brown is a charlatan, and is presciding over the death of NuLab as we know it. The NuLab must wonder why they needed to follow this born again loser.
maguire is a new labour war party whore. everybody knows that, even kevin. what a pair of fucking wrong 'uns brown and maguire are.
gordon is an unoriginal thinker. only original thinkers or lysergic acid diethylamide users or schizophrenics have visions.
intellectually speaking, brown is an american automaton.
oh and he isn't going to hold a referendum on the european constitution because he doesn't think it will damage british interests.
sorry gordon but you aren't bright enough to make that decision. and as you are also a pathological liar the public simply cannot trust or believe your word or judgement.
not enough political capital gordon, that's your problem.
game over.
"Kevin Maguire hates being described as Gordon's stooge." GF
Do we know if the filthy, turncoat, parasitic, racist, warmongering scum is more sanguine about being called Toilets ? Do tell.
Actually the joke is not true, although the fact seems to have passed most of you by.
If you turn to the sporting pages you will not find them full of stories about human or sporting achievement.
You will find even more stories of failure and generally buggering things up then in the front pages.
For every winner there is at least a loser. In fact as far as sport in particular is concerned, very many more losers.
Of course you would not expect Gordon Brown or Jack Kennedy to know this. They never read the back pages, or any other pages except the front one. If a politician is not on the front page, they usually conclude the rest simply cant be worth reading. Then just use the thing to beat up the nearest private secretary.
JK was too busy downing prescription drugs like smarties in a smarty eating contest and trying to shag just about anything with 3 holes. To read anymore then the next 10,000 cal menu.
GB IS far too busy downing prescription drugs like he was in a life and death contest with JK, and trying to shag just about anything with 2. To read anymore then the front of his hairy palm.
Mr Bean takes the microphone..
"Its great to be here at the commons comedy club tonight.
Comedy, like poitics, is all about timing..
Like the time I called a non election .. that was bloody funny.
There's an englishman a Welshman and a Scotsman in a bar.
The Englishman buys the round and the crisps, the Welshman buys the Music and the Scotsman uses their mobiles while they were at the bar.
The Scotsman borrows £1 from the Englishman to play the fruit machine. He wins £5 and does a happy jig around the room.
" Hey old fellow, that was my £1 you used to win that money"
" Fare enuff, fare enuff" says the Scot " Here's 50p now piss off"
HA HA HA HA HA Its the way I shell 'em
Theres Cleggy , Cameron and Me in a bar.
"How do we solve the problem of the electorate apathy over politics?"
"Well" says Clegg, " We need proportional representation so that people feel their vote could really make a difference"
"I believe we should make parliament more amenable to the electorate with the possibility of the people forcing issues onto government's agenda," says Cameron.
"I've got a majority bigger than both you losers + the rebels put together so fuck em."
Well it makes me laugh...HA HA HA
Did I tell you the one about the one about the Home Secretary and the Kebab...
{ Mr Bean and his hilarious comedy capers are appearing every wednesday at Westminster. }
Brown doesn't appear to know that Earl Warren was actually Chief Justice of the United States. Mind you, he couldn't ask permission to quote him - Warren has been dead for many years.
Watching this, and any other Brown appearance, all that goes through my head is, "I'm fucked, he's fucked, they're fucked, we're all fucked, I'm fucked....". Round and round. How do we get rid of this twat? And how do we find a much lesser twat to replace him, when none are currently on offer? Why do we need a government anyway?
Please Guido, send Gordon these links:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/earl_warren.html
It contains other Earl Warren quotes he can use.
And this one, well, for obvious reasons:-
http://www.handkerchiefsociety.com/
Latest sign of dementia from McBean - complaining to the BBC about pro Tory bias! Hahahaha.
Perhaps Maguire is recalling one of his many side-splittingly hilarious 'articles' to aid him in bringing laughter to the fore. Or he remembers when he last gave Gord a bj....
Broon would do well to borrow from the more indiscrete utterings of politicians of old, such as Madame de Gaulle's response in English when asked the secret fo a long marriage; " a penis" (say it witha French accent), or the US senator whose reported last words were "The money's on the table, Chocolate". The most approporiate in today's situation are the immortal words of Ramsey MacDonald in a previous time of national economic collapse - "Bugger, what am I going to do now?" Finally, there is the profound advice from that fictional character, Huxley Pig, "When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout".
I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Gorgon. It is becoming obvious after the plastic bags nonsense that he is losing the plot. Now he is quoting other people multiple times but attributing the quotes to different people. Losing his mind definitely.
I don't feel at all sorry for the cunts that keep him in power though.
That anecdote only works under his Premiership! Perhpas he's getting the message?
Oh dear, Uncle Gordon seems to be losing his charisma as well as his grasp on 10 Downing Street.
Re Snot-Gobblers insane smile.
O/T but I heard that Gorgon had a smile transplant. It works a bit like a pacemaker. Instead of stimulating the heart, it stimulates the facial muscles and forces a grotesque smile.
Is it true that David Blunkett remotely operates Gorgon's smile machine?
Do tell, troll cunts.
Maguire and Brown look like a pair of cottagers.
He made respun this same yarn at his Institute of Directors conference at the Royal Albert Hall on Tuesday.
Saw it on the telly at the gym, and it got an audible laugh from more than a couple of folk.
Is speech writer must have dementia.
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