Friday Caption Contest
Scrounging Tory MP Complains -
Brown' s Undeclared "Donation in Kind" - COP Blog
Think-Tank Roundup - Cassilis
Charity Criticised by Regulator for Links to Gordon Brown - Bloomberg
Official UK Report Criticises Shrum - Danny Finkelstein
Ban the Word "Toff" - Iain Dale
PMQs Cruel But Funny - Simon Carr
Brown Lies at PMQs - Fraser Nelson
134 comments:
It could be you!
Where shall I wipe this bogey?
(Sigh) - fisting, nappies, rocking horses blah blah clunking fist, nappies, sandwiches in Lexus, nose-picking, fist, horse rocking and pick nosing nappies on a clunking fist......
... oh they'll have the steak too.
She's behind you!
Go right, young man, go right!
Gordon Brown is wheeled around in a wheel chair by Margaret Thatcher as David Cameron passes by. "I want that one" blubbers Brown.
Margaret: Do you want this Bogey Gordon?
The outcomes of cloning can be unexpected and sinister.
Angel of Death takes advantage of latest 'buy one, get one free' offer.
Guess which one of us is the Tory ?
Margaret: "I don't fancy either of these useless buggers, bring me that nice Nick Clegg..."
"that's him , he's the cunt who stole your pension"
It's Just A Jump To The Left
And A Step To The Right
With Your Hands On Your Hips
You Bring Your Knees In Tight
But It's The Pelvic Thrust
That Really Drives You Insane
Let's Do The Time Warp Again
Cameron: Her hand comes out of my nostril...Yours goes into it
A bronze lady speaks ... "and O U T spells OUT - and Out you should go"
Thatcher's puppets...
Cameron thinking to himself.
"Christ I forgot me fags again"
In a modern day telling of a C S Lewis classic, BBC Parliament presents;
'The sly 'un, the witch, and the closet job'.
Brown to Slime Boy.
Cambo its march, November was 5 months ago so drop the poppy you nauseating toffy nosed coke head.
Cameron, head and shoulders above Brown, is still eclipsed by Maggie...
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am Stuck In The Middle With You
Is this a bogey which I see before me,
On the end of my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.(around the throat)
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not sensible
To feeling as to shite? or art thou but
A bogey of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the over pressed brain?
I see thee yet, in form as laughable
As this which now I gnaw.
Shut up Gordon, just rejoice that you are a member of this very exclusive money making club, remember, you have to be fair and take turns at being the figure head, David will be next in line to shaft the public, why, I remember well that even my sap of a son went from being lost in the desert, to finding piles of money in the desert, such is the power of this place.
Thatcher points out to Cameron that he has to move to the right and stop being a pussy with New Labour. Tora Tora Tora! says Thatcher.
Lady Thtacher points out that Cameron is head and shoulders above Brown
GeeBee phone clone.
Broon: "I feel the hand of destiny upon my shoulder."
Cameron: "Don't get too excited. She's just showing you the way to the Gents."
Stone Lady "I am much taller than you so I should be Prime Minister!"
Man on Left "OK then"
Man on Right "I agree"
CAM: My, it looks like the lady was really laying into someone when she posed for that.
PM: Yeah, I wonder what the poor fellow did to deserve it.
CAM: Apparently, he was just about to tell that Earl Warren anecdote........
"I spy bogies!"
Fancy some cocaine, Gordie? Tried it at Eton
"The Scottish Play"
{BanCamero enters with McBroon)
You see BanCamero Its completely different. The Lisbon treaty has a different cover for a start. It was a yellow folder .. The old constition was in a red binder .. simply not the same at all...
All hail, MacBroon! hail to thee, Thane of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath!
All hail, MacBroon! hail to thee, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.!
All hail, MaCameron! that shalt be king hereafter!
pretender and traitor
"Your sovereignty went THATAWAY!"
There is the traitor..
Guards, sieze him!
Mt Twatmore - detail.
Judge Elvis said...
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am Stuck In The Middle With You
Perfect. Give that man the caption prize !
Ahht of my pub righ nahh - there's the fucking dahr get aht - alright, won't go eh? Norm, Norm (Norman Tebbit appears wielding cricket bat) get these two cahnts outa my pub now fucking cheek of 'em coming in 'ere and acting like they fucking own the place when they know it's been sold to the EUSSKI brewery.
Bronze dominatrix about to use carefully concealed strap-on dildo to show Gordon how to be a man! Cameron smirks, he's already had the 'treatment'
You'd have to have a heart of stone not to laugh...
(With apologies to Oscar Wilde)
Go! In the name of God, both of you go and go now (peferably Mr Brown first)
Speak no evil, Hear no evil, See no evil.
Mrs T said
"You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!"
Irate elderly lady: "There he is Officer, There! thats the man who stole my rocking-horse"
ASBO Brown: "No, I want to make this perfectly clear... errrr, it was'nt me.. ummmm..record investment and spending in rocking horses. british rocking horses for british riders,errr best placed to face any economic downturn in northern rocking horse shit. errr.."
PSO Cameron "Yes Ma'am, we'll send you a victim support letter immediately - you mentioned a nappy?"
Iron Lady patting Gordon on the shoulder:
"Thank you for looking after my European dream, Gordon".
Gary
To my right a dipstick.
On my left a Cnut, where's me bloody handbag.
The angel of death, wings outstretched, swoops down for her next client.
You take the high road and you take the low road and fuck-off back to Scotland
Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Iron Lady smiling:
"I told you they'd fuck up over Europe, Gordon.Bet you're glad you took my advice. By the way, thanks for the tea".
Gary
Guido, a Hat Tip for the Matthew Norman link on the topic of Calamity.
Thatcher points out Cleggs cojones to Brown in case he wants to cop a quick feel.
pull my finger
Channel 4's new Thatcher-ometer visual aide proved a great hit with views come election night.
Maggie "Today is not the day for sound-bites - so FUCK OFF!"
Coke head is saying:-
Diamond White will be 32 p more
White Lighting will be 53p more
Tennets Super will be 33 p more
Tennets Extra will be 45 p more
Leffe Lager will be 47p more
Thunderbird will be £1.26 p more
Caffreys will be 24 p more
VK Ice will be 78 p more
VK Cherry will be 76 p more
Smirnoff Ice will be 89p more
.......Carry on to Ad Nauseaum
Despite Margaret's finger pointing out the way to go, David still could not help wearing a red tie and looking towards the left.
Embryo research produces woman with two dicks
Brown is says.
So Cambo how is your Irish Friend, who lives in Ireland, runs his business in Ireland, and was an Ex Junkie, Guido, doing theses days.
A rose between two prawns?
Is Maggie's left hand feeling for a spine?
Look you two cunts, ask Kate Hoey, she's got bigger balls than either of you.
Someone brought a baby in here?
as gordon'n'dave watch scotland v england at murryfield on the tax payer funded house of commons wide screen telly, gordon breaks into a patriotic rendition of 'donald where's your trousers'..
meanwhile the ghost of politician past..
Thatcher notices John Prescott a true pig in a sty walking by and asks Brown if he left any of his nappies behind on a visit.
Maggie - our first woman PM
Gordon - our first old woman PM
Can you tell talk from mutter
The cellars are over there, lads. I believe they've recently been refurbished.
"Boys, you're going in the wrong direction!"
Gordon's sphincter twitched with excitement as the fork lift prepared to hoiost him up 15 feet and back around 6 feet.
Margaret Thatcher - Proctologist to the Prime Minister - it was the stuff of legend, and his No. 1 personal fantasy.
Dave Snooty: You know what she's got in her handbag, don't you?
Stalin: Aye. Calamity Clegg's cojones.
"THAT'S THE WAY OUT"
GB "I may be paranoid, but I get the feeling I am being followed by a queer old cunt"
DC "That's odd, Tony Blair told me exactly the same thing last May"
Maggie: "Come on everyone - let's give Gordon the clap he so richly deserves."
Maggie: "G & T anyone?"
Dave: "Coke please."
Gordon: "No thanks, I was on a bender last night"
Dave: "Anyone we know?"
eenie meanie minie mo....
GB "It is intended that the statue of Tony Blair should go here, but I have to admit that the sculptor is having trouble carving his feet emerging from the sphincter of George Bush"
OUT, DAMN SPOT!
Maggie "What am I bid for these bookends anyone? - anyone?
(Reserve not met)
Spot the ventriloquist.
Eileen
DC (thinking) "I wonder when he will realise that we've pinned a blow-up Iron Lady doll to his back?"
Thatcher "Now Gordon, if you pull that "gulping" face once more you will be sent to the naughty chair!"
Maggie's spoiled for choice - which of the two dummies to wind up next.
Thatcher to Brown.
U-turn if you want to, Cameron is going straight there to trash the New Labour party in the general election and make New Labour unelectable for the next 20 years.
Go forth and multiply.
What? No-one's going to pull my finger?
After a heavy day's drinking over at the Pickled Exchequer, the most respected British politicians of their generation take a piss on the flagstones of democracy.
One has prostituted our country to the Yanks
One is prostituting our country to the Yanks
One will prostitute our country to the Yanks
Lecture tours all round!
Now go wash your hands boys!
''dont worry dave-keep up the pretence- once we've closed this place down we will get a nice cushy number in Europe and i am lining us up a job at goldmans and stanleys .......loads of money for doing fuck all with a nice fat expense account- just like here really''
said the clunking pink fister
bofl
Oh shit Gordon! You didn't go and try feel-up her arse did you?! Oh my good God! Everything you fucking touch turns fucking brown!!!
And in the Blue corner, weighing in at 12st 4lb is Dapper Dave the fighting Gent...
In the red corner is .. well nobody really
You would have thought we would have been picked first for our football teams wouldn't you
tuscan tony - that was excellent!
clear winner!
You are the weakest Prime Minister. Goodbye.
Now now my twins. Listen and go where mummy points you to
wild turkey
Maggie
"to the gallows for these two cunts"
The great EUSSR House of Commons closing down auction.
Brown, "so who will start me at £10 for the Maggie statue"
Cameron, "is that a bid I see from the policeman holding some rope?"
Gordon: I bet I can pee further than you.
"Do you think I should carry a handbag - would it help?"
Gordon, I thought I made myself clear in Strasbourg.
I don't swing that way.
'She's behind you.....'
'Oh no, she isn't!'
'Oh yes, she is!'
etc etc
Baroness Thatcher presents the Socialist of the Year Award ...
cameron "you just can't stop this cunt from talking. osborne, can you hook me up with the man brown gets his shit from?"
osborne "sounds fun dave, nice."
gordon: i cant help it dave , i just have to crack one off knowing that she is so close behind me , with such an outstretched prominence.
david: oh really gordon thats disgusting , but i see the dithering comes in handy !
http://www.customwoodshapes.com/gordon.html
OK, not a caption in any sense, but amusing I felt...
I'm so thrilled, Gordon , we can be together at last.
George Street said...
Mt Twatmore - detail.
1:53 PM, March 07, 2008
Outstanding :-)
Man what a blast! You taking le backroute up le canal du Rhone whilst I filled the internationally renowned motorboat with unleaded squirt! And Cleggy just couldn't get enough, he's still ploughing a straight furrow right down the middle of her alpine pasture! Couldn't pull the man away! Wow! No wonder they call her the Iron Lady! Respect! What a great day for european democracy!
Over the top!
Brown: OK Ed, I'll be with you in a few shakes.
Cameron: Oh Jesus, he's dribbling on his shoes.
You put your right arm in...
Brown: 'I'm totally psychotic you know'.
Cameron: 'Yep'
One of cokey osborne's rough brasses had found their way into the lobby.
And started pointing out punters.
"i may be in hospital, but i can still tell you which way to comb your hair"
What am I bid?
Bean: Push your toe in further my dear,....mmmmmmmm...AHhhh.. yes, now twist it all about....Yes......
you know my dear your iron fortitude is really something..Ahhhh...
Pinko Dave: Fucking disgusting... my little arse is all squeezed in ...just in case.
Dave Flashman - the heir to Blair
Gay Gordon - the heir to Thatcher (link)
"At least it's only my finger that's crooked, you one eyed, two faced, lying, Scottish scunner!"
Three mad traitors that should have been buried a long time ago
Proper Tory (whom has a statue of it)
"Well done,Gordon. Now fuck off,Dave and read my book on Europe you fucking traitor"!
Sadly, Gordon lost the "my neck is bigger than yours" contest against David Cameron
Sir Gary Selsby Stoke Poges
You left your gloves behind at the The Rififi Club last night.
Will you be at Lord Ashcroft's for the shoot or do you want me to send them round in one of Mrs Martin's taxis ?
Oh yes, Sarah Jane Parker-Smythe says will you be at the ball? Its fancy dress and she says you could wear that Lenin costume if you still have it.
See you later,
RT HON WILLIAM B QUANGO MP
Brown - I used to think I was indecisive. But now, I'm not so sure.
Only 7 days left now Ceasar!
My Very Dear Mr Quango,
You have me at a dissadvantage old fellow.
I fear you have confused me with the former lead singer of The Nipple Erectors. The only club I go to, obviously only on giro week, is The Club Stoke, Staffordshires Premier Gay Venue. Maybe you should pop in sometime Bill. I could bore you to fucking death with my idiotic inane socialist bile.
Alteratively you could simply google Elsby & retard & lobotomization and catch my prollific trollific ramblings.
ps. Sarah Jane Parker-Smythe refused to swallow despite me spending ALL of my income support.
This IS sure to go as way over Gary's head as indeed it does mine, but I am drunk and have several screws lost if not seriously loose.
Have a nice weekend Bill, póg mo thóin as they say.
A grating nasal whine issues forth from the bronze...
"You're just a pair of bastards"
Who the fuck
Who the fuck
Who the fucking hell are you?
Who the fucking hell are you?
The good the bad and the ugly.
This useless NHS. That doctor said she was dead.
I told you we shouldn't have buried her, now she's all covered in mud.
And really really pissed too. Let's run for it!
Errm errm Thankyou.
I have had an audience with Her Majesty and she has asked me to return to Parliament to lead a Government of national unity in these times of strife. I have asked Mr Cameron to serve in my cabinet and he will be passing round the biscuits & coffee in due course. Mr Brown was undecided whether to remain in Westminster or return to his constituency so I have decided he should do both. Would somebody please pass me the axe.
Can someone here spill the beans on Gordon. Is he gay and sarah whatsohername is she a lezzer?
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