What is the "Forward Risk Horizon Scanning Unit"?
Could a Downing Street lackey leak to us what this new unit is all about? Guido is a little uncertain if the unit's name he has been given is precisely correct, sounds like a PR man's creation doesn't it? Is Stephen Carter the father of the unit? Does it actually exist as more than a coffee and doughnuts meeting?
Is it part of the not-another-relaunch "Brown Phase 2" that Riddell is waffling about this morning? Is it just a "There May Be Trouble Ahead, Lets Figure Out Our Excuses Unit"? Enquiring bloggers want to know...
Is it part of the not-another-relaunch "Brown Phase 2" that Riddell is waffling about this morning? Is it just a "There May Be Trouble Ahead, Lets Figure Out Our Excuses Unit"? Enquiring bloggers want to know...
45 comments:
I thought it was a political blog monitoring and rapid rebuttal team.
Sounds more like a Management Consultant's creation than a PR one
I should know, I am one
I fear not a sheep might be right. If the UK wanted to do the job properly, they could copy Singapore
http://rahs.org.sg/t2_home.html
This is about e.g. terrorist risks, and the sort of thing the civil contingency people do.
word verification ousoqalp; this is what I get after 3 glasses of the stuff.
Is it correct that birthday congratulations are in order Snr F?
If so, I hope a suitable celebratory gift is in the offing. Another cabinet minister's head on a plate perhaps?
You certainly have our best wishes.
The dangerous thing is, that just like the emperor’s new clothes these pillock’s actually believe this nu-speak bollocks talk.
I Love your fireworks. Your some gay ..oops Guy.
Here in bonnie Scotland we intend to leave the European Union and have a firework display.
We expect every Englishman to play his (or her) part.
Details on webthingy.
http://www.weddingscot.info/
Highland Free Press
I would have thought this was the shepherd with his flock of sheep looking at the the sky in the the morning just translated into PC speak.
This would then be the new name for the Met Office which has now come under the control of our glorious leader who, of course, is now capable of stopping Global Warming at a stroke of his statistics.
Sorry we have to rebut that immediately
We wanted to call it the Forward Unit for Risk Knowledge Event Determination [FURKED] but someone, for some inexplicable reason, thought that was a bad idea, and wouldn't sanction it..
A top level marketing agency has been given the name of coming up with a more catchy title to save the lackeys time when referring to it in typed emails.. I understand that a fully trained team of monkeys is currently sat at their keyboards in posh advertising agency as we speak to come up with a suitably sexy title...
And all that needs to happen then is for the project manager to work out a training plan for the graduate interns to learn how to use 'google news alerts'.. So I think you have at least another month or two of peace and quiet..
Horizon Scanning is defined by the Government Office for Science as:
'the systematic examination of potential threats, opportunities and likely future developments, including (but not restricted to) those at the margins of current thinking and planning.'
Link:
It's a software package that determines what will happen to the UK if Gordon Brown and New Labour stay in charge.
Surely "forward risk horizon scanning" is simply an early warning system for Beards that want to retire or rocking horses that want to sue?
Actually aren't the Pentagon and the boys from Langley supposed to have all sorts of units involved in researching psychic intelligence gathering? The name you quote could be something dreamt up by Septic officialdom.
Maybe Brown is trying to get in on the act.
Anonymous Hitchenophile said...
Sounds more like a Management Consultant's creation than a PR one
I should know, I am one
Agreed. We do try and come up with snappy names for things.
We also try and get rid of the difficult bit in the title (much like "The People's Democratic Republic of China").
A shorter name wanted?
How about "Banana Skins (avoidance of) unit?
The key thing to remember, Guido, is that it is possible to use tax money/ civil servants if the information threatens to lower the impression, in the mind of a reasonable individual, of 'politicians or political processes generally', as then it will not fall foul of being considered a 'party political' [and thus verboten] activity.
Government already has a 'Horizon Scanning Centre' at: http://www.foresight.gov.uk/HORIZON_SCANNING_CENTRE/index.html One can join its 'FAN Club . . a forum where those who have an interest in horizon scanning and futures analysis can meet . .' It is, I think, what was called 'futurology' when I was a lad and now was the future.
Not so much 'coffee and doughnuts' as 'coffee and, er, bagels..' [wink]
A classic No 10 subversion of work already being undertaken in the Civil Contingencies Secretariat in the Cabinet Office, in case they come up with unacceptable or embarrassing thinking.
Highland free press: "We expect every Englishman to play his (or her) part."
Close. I thnk you meant to say
"We expect every Englishman to pay his (or her) part."
Isn't that the Scottish way?
Forward Risk Horizon Scanning Unit!
To paraphrase the great Dorothy Parker, you have to wonder what titles were suggested but rejected as not being punchy enough.
More to the point, have they got a Rearward Risk Horizon Scanning Unit?
Gordon Brown wants the horizon scanned to find out why his pants are on fire.
He cannot deal with events after they've happened. Now he's going to try dealing with them before they've happened, which is intelligent as long as future events comply with the predictions of the unfortunate occupants of the FRHSU.
It reminds one of an ingenious Mr Bean plan.
He's trying to conjure up some neat Blair-like intuition from Brownian bureaucratic sludge.
> It's a software package that determines what will happen to the UK if Gordon Brown and New Labour stay in charge.
Shouldn't take long to write. I'll write the design now.
pipe null.
Done!
What will be interesting to see is how this new unit operates when the 'tsunami warning alert' kicks in..
Will it just be a case of trying to turn the fan off before the shit hits it ?
Or creating / rescheduling another announcement to create some 'noise' around any earthquake...
Or will they start pro-actively spreading misinformation or start leaking inaccuracies to try and deflect the impact ??
Watch this space...
They set one of these 'units' up at the Parliamentary Ombudsman's office. It seemed to consist of one twerp reading the newspapers and sending an e-mail to everyone once a week with a digest. After the first read everyone just deleted it - if you knew what you were doing, you already knew what was happening.
Sounds to me like someone at No.10 has just been on a Senior Management Program at a business school and done the Shell scenario planning case study.
The CREH or whatever they are called these days (Campaign for Racial Equality) was advertising for a
"Director of Forward Look" some time back.
I mailed them to enquire what the fuck "Forward Look" was, and to note that it was utterly ungrammatical. They didn't reply, but the phrase disappeared from the ad.
Gibberish.
The FRHSU is a crack (sic) squad of personnel who are tasked with close personal protection and to ensure that shit thrown does not land on Gordo the Ineffectual. They are also tasked with ensuring that a ready and handy supply of nappies are maintained in close proximity to Gordo the Ineffectual in the event of sudden emergencies, such as temper tantrums, sulks, or just feeling shitty shitty.
Members of this crack squad are popularly known/labelled FRISKHORSIT.
Is it anything to do with the creepy Future Strategic Challenges for Britain published on the 8th February ?
The Strategy Unit has published an assessment of the future strategic challenges for Britain. Drawing on an analysis of trends and drivers of change, future projections and scenarios from inside and outside government and a detailed analysis of Britain's strengths and weaknesses, the resulting assessment provides a comprehensive review of the long term challenges and opportunities for Britain, covering:
* globalisation
* economic prosperity
* life chances, talent and social mobility
* the ageing and increasing diversity of the population
* family life and communities
* crime and public safety
* climate change, and
* the modernisation and renewal of the constitution and democratic institutions
Despite claiming that it is just a "discussion document" and not current Government policy plans up to about 2020, it has an excruciating Forward from Gordon Brown.
It is full of fake or dubious statistics and guesstimates, culled from other Government funded reports, presented as somehow being independent facts. e.g. How exactly does SOCA know that Serious Crime costs the UK 20 billion pounds a year ? They have no idea ? How much have they reduced this since being set up ? That is a secret.
The Only Way Forward, apparently, is even more intrusive "early intervention" and surveillance.
Appallingly, there is no mention of any actual Defence Strategy up to 2020, something which again chimes in with Gordon Brown's lack of interest in this area.
The "Future Strategic Challenges for Britain" document does, however, mention the popularity and power of blogs !
Who could they mean ?
"predictions of the unfortunate occupants of the FRHSU"
Surely 'tactical insight and forward thinking of the prescient and finely honed minds of our finest educational establishments.. '
I don't want to worry 'democrat abroad', but I hear worrying amounts of jargon like 'Helicopter Vision' and 'Recovery Scenarios' bandied about...
Smoke and mirrors and Bunting and frolics have always been adequate before.
What's up. Doc?
"We expect every Englishman to pay his (or her) part."
We already are ..........Barnett Rules !
Don't know, but I bet it needs a report done on it.
the forward risk horsizon scanning unit , is another sub branch of "make me the best mincing queen in all the land" dept
in interfaces with the World Africa News Kindness Everybody Realisation (wanker)
Daytime Inhome Television Has Everyone Releasing Sick (dithers)
or the much vaunted
Bungs In News Guires Out (bingo)
johna ing man utd and kicking out supercasino can be good news ??
the risk reference gives it away.
what they are saying is;
we are in the fucking shit because more and more people are realising we are a completely useless bunch of thieving cunts.
therefore we must try to curtail this rising level of public awareness with the use of even more bullshit and propaganda.
this is a tacit admission of the failure of the project.
gordon, you are finished you untrustworthy and self serving moron.
he has also tarnished the labour party with his inept leadership so badly that I don't think their position is recoverable in the short, medium or long term.
Sir Earnest Gowers will be spinning in his grave. It's just the buzz-phrase generator updated.
I suggest that this, whatever it is, is a balanced management concept.
(Go to the Complete Plain Words)
Thickotheif
Thicko-who let you out today!!
Get back to your asylum, you cretin!
(Or I will get your master Gordon to see to you!)
Have they got Tom Cruise with some fancy screens and 3 undead witches (Smith/Harman/Blears)?
"The government's Horizon Scanning Centre of Excellence, part of the Foresight Directorate in the Department for Innovation, Universities and Skills"
How many Nu-Labour persons does this Monty Python nonsense employ ?
( BTW, I have prepared my will and made arrangements in fear of the worst having joined this blogging community ).
I am inclined to ask the same question as somebloke [above].
Why should we have to pay for yet more spin-merchants, special advisors, press officers and other Nu Labour interns? There are hundreds of them floating around Westminster already - the government's propaganda unit, their entire media machine, is funded by the tax-payer.
The Labour government has shown that it has no qualms about using civil servants for party political uses - witness The Treasury analysts' rapid response to the Tories' non-dom proposals, for example - so why should Brown be allowed to get away with hiring yet more apparatchiks?
Oh well: it's other people's money, innit?
I think what you are forgetting is that unlike a full-blown communications department, if this unit does its job well and works properly, then you will not notice it all.. It works on a 'no news is good news' mandate..
If you notice the bad news about the brown stuff hitting the rotating blades then it means that it has failed. Nobody in it will be issuing press releases, or publicly commenting - it is all done subtly 'behind the scenes' with no public profile in the media.
ah propaganda by osmosis.
only problem is everything brown touches turns to shit, never mind fans. brown hasn't got any.
apart from ed 'sweaty' balls
and 'big nose' alexander and what a pair of wankers those two are.
thick as thieves - ah, yes, that is a good word - osmosis... I used to remember an advert for an air freshener which went along the lines of 'Most air fresheners just cover up the bad smell with a good one.. - this one gets rid of the smell altogether..[cue schmaltzy jingle]'..
By having a unit whose existence is neither confirmed nor denied, and whose staff have job titles which don't make reference to the name of the unit, the aim will be to make the freshening 'unobtrusive'...
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