Guido Knows the Feeling
Spotted in a burger chain on the weekend; two fraught looking parents trying to cajole their kids out of the front door. "Pleeeease," they begged them, "can we just go?"
The father in particular looked to be on the verge of tears of frustration. George Osborne may be able to best Alastair Darling, but he is no match for his kids...
Via : FirstPost
The father in particular looked to be on the verge of tears of frustration. George Osborne may be able to best Alastair Darling, but he is no match for his kids...
Via : FirstPost
70 comments:
Did anyone witness Robinson's analysis of PMQs? I know on these pages Robinson is frequently accused of bias but to claim (as Robinson did) that PMQs was a minor triumph for the PM is to ignore reality and traduce what remains of his reputation. He has abandoned all attempts at independence.
This situation is a calamity and everyone knows it. Even if the data never sees the light of day again, it will live long in the public's memory. It does not serve democracy (or the Labour party)to pretend otherwise and the BBC should avoid complicity in this pretence.
How about 25 million subscriptions to Equifax? Recently another large public sector employer, when faced with a similar situation, paid for staff to be covered for a year.
God forbid that the BBC should ever get hold of the bank details of those poor 25 million and extract a random £135.50 from each of...oh. Bugger.
"but he is no match for his kids...
Is anyone?
A'proper' tory would have grabbed the little buggers by the ear and dragged them out.
Kicking them in pants in the process.
I know how George feels! It's just the same when I try to get Gordon off his rocking horse to go to PMQs.
Anon 2:30 PM,
Yeah I saw Robinson and I tend to agree with him. Gordo lost his temper at one point, but in addition to his extensive use of prescription medication he's now had an electronic implant fitted that kicks in when he's about to go totally ballistic. It helped to avoid the need for Black Rod to be called to restrain and remove him (for now anyway).
It's a shame they weren't fitted to Gordo's kindred Scottish nutters like Peter Tobin, Dennis Nilsen and Thomas Hamilton.
All over the country millions are in the process of changing their pins & passwords. Now, every time they go to the ATM and struggle to remember their new number they'll be reminded of the reason they had to change it. Advertisers spend millions to achieve product identification like that.
The Great Data Disaster of 2007
The gift that just goes
on & on giving.
Seen in a lost and found section in a newsagent in Westminister.
Lost - 1 Tabby cat, answers to Tiddles, if found please phone ********
Lost - 25 million I.D. details, if found please return to Chief Akawimbe, Lagos.
Lost - 1 Reputation for fiscal competence, if found please return to G. Brown ESQ, Tel 666
Lost - my marbels, if found please return, as above.
W.W.
"I spend all week with unpleasant adults; I don't want to spend the weekend with unpleasant children."
- G Osborne at Sunday lunch to an annoying kid.
Now this is all very endearing. But is he actually v stressed and just good at keeping it under wraps in public, but taking it out at home?
If so, his demolition, seemingly smooth, of the government isn't as effortless as we all think.
"I spend all week with unpleasant adults; I don't want to spend the weekend with unpleasant children."
When he gets into government he'll be able to spend all week with children, just like Gordon.
A 'proper' tory would have grabbed the little buggers by the ear and made them eat their burgers, mad-cow disease or not....
I have to say that I felt Robinson was right (on this occasion) As a Tory, I tuned in excited to see Broon looking like a fat old growling captain of a sinking ship. That’s the image I have seen since Gordo started doing PMQs, rocking from side to side, with his weather-beaten crew looking despondently, desperately looking for some hope, as the good ship NuLab is hit by wave after wave of blunder, sending the captain into more jittering shaking announcements of salvation. Let’s hope the Northern Rock-s finally break-up what is left of this pathetic wreck. Cameron couldn’t do it today as their planted question Captain Brown was able to get his apology out of the way, and announce his investigation, which stole Dave’s fire.
However, the situation now, Darling has hung onto his job, but this "government" has been irreversibly damaged, at least in reputation amongst the wider British public. If any of them fuck up once more, the minister will have to go.
On the topic of Brown, I'm all for politicians based on their ability to do the job rather than their ability to talk a good game...but Brown cannot do either. I can't remember hating a politician as much as I hate Brown. His snivelling bunch of responsibility dodging cabinet aren't much better. The way Jacqui (anyone seen the film Sexy Beast?) and Johnson sniggering while Brown was stuttering away about British soldiers was a disgrace! Just sums up the way this government views events in the real world, they seem to be under some illusion, that when you are in Gordons big tent, they are safe from everything! I hope they are proven wrong!
There are a number of decades since 1830 when inflation over a ten year period have been lower than the incorrect information in P.M Questions today.
Lowest decade deflation of 4.263% decade 1921 to 1930
see for yourself.
http://www.measuringworth.com/calculators/inflation/result.php
Nothing used to beat a trip to the supermarket with the brood in tow, especially if they are bored.
Still laugh about the day one of my kids was building up to the tantrum from hell at a checkout only to be beaten to it by the kid at the next one. He realised that in the oscar stakes he could not compete and retired to watch in amazement.
We parents are the scratching post which kids sharpen their claws on in preparation for the big wide world, usually egged on by grandparents getting their revenge in at long last.
Radio 5 now reporting that banks are being inundated with panicking customers desperate to change their bank accounts in case fraudsters have got hold of their details.
This one's going to run and run with Sky news adding to the panic by warning people their bank acounts could be cleared out and they might never be compensated.
Stand by for another uncontrolled panic in ALL the high street banks when customers who think they are about to be defrauded empty their bank accounts before the fraudsters do.
This one will run, and run, and run.
Every time someone loses money through banking fraud from now on, they'll blame Nu Labor.
Brown & Co have hit the tipping point - they've lost the next election over this.
This has been bugging me all afternoon, but I can't remember the word - there's a polysyllabic medical noun for the clutching (ie at imaginary twigs or loose threads) of someone on their deathbed. Brown at the dispatch-box - turn him back through 90 degrees and imagine a blanket on his chest; that jabbing claw thing he does with his left hand...dammit, where's Anthony Burgess when you need him?
Smith, Darling, Kennedy, Brown, not fit for purpose, end of story.
How 'junior' is the civil servant? David Kelly's status was downplayed, then Bliar and Co admitted that Kelly was actually Britian's most senior expert on WMD.
Once again Brown and Co hide behind the notion that heads of executie agencies are responsible for HMRC, not the politicians.
As for ID cards, just because 23 out of 25 EU states have them means we must have them isn't the most convincing case for the bloody things.
4:39: "This has been bugging me all afternoon, but I can't remember the word - there's a polysyllabic medical noun for the clutching (ie at imaginary twigs or loose threads) of someone on their deathbed. Brown at the dispatch-box - turn him back through 90 degrees and imagine a blanket on his chest; that jabbing claw thing he does with his left hand..."
"Cadaveric spasm" is the usual term. Not very polysyllabic, I'm afraid, but I don't know another.
Hope this helps.
Dr Cliff
Thanks, Cliff..."cadaveric spasm" certainly deserves a place in the lexicon of Brownian motion (along with Stanislav's "drywank jawdrop" of course) but I'm sure there's a single word for it. "Flocculation" popped into my mind after posting but Chambers mentions nothing deathly thereunder. I think the word I've lost derives directly from "clutching at twigs" in Latin or Greek...but I'm low on the Latin and bang out of Greek...
I have heard on my grapevine that those CD's were filched by an elf.
He was later seen at the Post Office completing a package addressed to Lapland. Well, with Xmas almost upon us, he has to keep his kiddies records up to date - doesn't he ? ho, ho, ho !
Next shambles, comming to a screen near you, NHS.
The next crisis looms.
W.W.
chris paul
if you're so blaise' about your name, address, NI number, and bank account details then why don't you post them on here.
Go on soft lad, put your money where your mouth is.
Or are you afraid some crim will uncover your PIN and passwords without too much difficulty?
Local radio here in Brum just reported anecdotal evidence of people having their bank accounts defrauded this week. Rightly or wrongly, they think it's got something to do with the missing discs.
This is going to be disastrous for the government.
Chief Akawimbe here
Mr Wilberfarce.
I have not lost records for 25m UK subjects. They are with me here in Lagos. Mr Remittance Man is working hard on the Platinum accounts(Postcodes in Surrey/Hampshire).
We are auctioning the Coal accounts(Postcodes in North East) but the only serious enquiries have come from Ayatollah and a group called The Phoenix Four who drive around in smart Rovers.
My friend, Princess Elizabeth of Baganda, is pissed off(as you English say) with PM Brown. She is still hanging around the toilets at the BA Business Lounge waiting for the tardy Brown who claims to have been delayed by some local difficulty at Westminster. She had been asked to discuss Uganda prior to his visit to that country.
Yours etc
Chief Akawimbe
Lagos Benefits Office
Please spare some sympathy for Chris Paul. He's finding things particularly difficult today, as his lips are very sore and chapped from sucking so hard on NuLabors teat. Or it could have been Gordons 'Love Plunger'.
Edward Leigh is dropping bombshells on Sky News, regarding the information requested by the NAO from HMCE. 'Systemic failure'.
The details on Sky were devastating. This was deliberately sent out against policy by senior people in the treasury to avoid a charge by EDS. The department was unwilling to spend the 5 minutes to take out the private information as it was too much time for the department
For Chris Paul to even think of accusing anybody of lying is rich when he belongs to the political party who have practiced the art of lying to such a degree that whatever a labour politician says I look for the hidden truth, the weasel word.Politicians have always bent the truth but the labour party has taken it a step too far.
So crawl back under your stone Paul!
Channel 4 News is very damning of HMCE's actions in DiskGate.
They're so fucked.
According to BBC News if you want to be sick in East Anglia tonight you'll just have to wait until tomorrow. Or perhaps next week. Or maybe never. How does 'never' suit you?
And don't even think about bird flu.
I have four of the little angles, and I can honestly say they are all a total joy to have been responsible for bringing into the world.
Please stop complaining about the only truly great worthwhile thing any of us are capable of doing in our entire lives.
Parenthood is a gods given honor that those that complain about deserve to lose. In my experience the only men who complain about their children are really complaining about the increasing realization that they are married to the wrong women.
Also in my experience women sense this, as they do virtually everything else they think.
So if you are a man, with respect to most things to do with married life, its best to shut up anyway.
3:45 PM
Brown's voice has a whining pleading quality to it, as if he's saying to Cameron: "Please...please David please accept my complete fucking shit-hole of an explanation...oh please Dave...be my friend...I'll suck your dick in the bogs afterwards...oh please...".
This is exactly the kind of signal that the general public picks up on.
5:36 PM
This version may not be quite correct, you know...
I nicked these two discs when I was doing a job to newcastle the other month...and I wondered why I couldn't get them to play in the DVD...I was hoping they were pornos. Think I let the local kids used them as frisbees...but couldn't honestly say...I do remember sticking my cock through the hole in the centre of one of them tho...just for a laugh.
2:30 PM
Didn't anyone listen to my devastating performance on education? Didn't anyone appreciate the depth of my political wisdom in proposing to raise the school leaving age to 18 years? It's got to be a vote winner! Just wait you doubting Thomas's hear the details of my next announcement on raising the nursery leaving age to 57.
"I have four of the little angles..."
One acute, one obtuse, and two of them always right?
6:20 PM
Winston here in Jamaica,
So glad to hear that the treasures of the British state are in safe and expert hands, Chief...and I'm confident you'll know exactly what to do with them when the occasion arises. Strange how those English guys used to go all around the world shelling out British citizenship left, right and centre - but now they just seem so desperate to keep it under lock and key. Makes you think, doesn't it?
Re 25,000,000 families details lost.
"I have your name, address, plus your children's names.
Please pay to my Paypal account £100.00"
How long before this sort of thing starts?
Anon 9:04
I dont think even that explains the real potential dangers of what has taken place.
If the real crooks get hold of those disks which I think it is best to assume they have. It means that a highly sophisticated internet crime racket could make countless Billions if not Trillions and the TAX payer will end up one day or over time, picking up the tab.
It is not only possible to take a smallish amount of money out of peoples bank and credit card accounts.
These people could get morgages, bank loans and even fund share transactions in your name and you will most likely not find out till the crooks default on the payments.
The potential for MASSIVE fraud is truly astronomical. It could in fact bankrupt the whole nation within a few years. The government will have to repay the banks lost cash by the only way left to them, by taxing us the public to enslaved starvation levels or worse.
May I be the first to congratulate England on showing the football loving world what a bunch of pathetic losers this country now has become.
It seems that justice still exists in British sport, if not British politics anymore.
after watching gordon unfold his new cover all situations nappy , i noticed the change , now he his relying on his history ten years of growth, ten years of employment (seem to remeber prezza promising zero)
well let me say this bragging about ten years of decent figures is one thing.
making the figures fit a econominc model that ends up in bankruptacy is another.
when gordon co developed the sytems for HMRC did he not for see the problem , did he not visualise that simply holding these files on the privacy of our lives could be used by him and other lying criminals for there own power and ends.this goverment take and then waste it , i would prefer to know just what the finacial outlook is given the BOE is at 25bn and rising ,pargon is manging the problem another way , why did they bail northern rock?? the savers were already protected , so who held the shares , city pals gordo ??
i quote from winston
in the first place the Chancellor obviously struck a mortal blow at the Savings Movement, which all parties have been urged to support and have supported, and in favour of which he himself has made so many speeches.What right has he to appeal for thrift and saving, forethought, self denial when at the same time his heart is aiming at the confiscation of all property down to the level of equality for all (except of course members of the goverment and those who enjoy there favour). Nothing could be more likely than this declaration to weaken the impulse to production at home or still further impair our credit abroad.Nothing could be more likely to bring unemployment upon our people.My hope is that the British electorate will by a strong and ample majority repudiate these reckless and frenzied exhibitions by the Chancellor of the Exchequer. we have an admisitration intent upon class war and hostile to every form of wealth and property.Sweeping them out of power will do more to prevent unemployment , revive purchasing power of money we earn and regain for us the confidence and credit of the civilised world than any other step that could be taken.
and still they lie and still they decieve the british public , they have no further right to be in office. againg gordon you did not answer three questions at my count.
the red despot spotter has now devised a system of Johna points based on ineffective answering of question of public performance.
whilst every week since you came into office you have shown the nation what you are made of .today your return to the superficiality of the non answer with sympathy leaves you wide open .
nov 21 you recieved three Johna points .
total so far acumulated since you became pm is 38 .
a simple question does your own party expect your johna rating to increase as indeed it is the publics view. if the conversation at my local spar is honest opinion.
there are runours now of how you have planned your future, invading the minds of our children start off on the path to your robot empire early. if true i guarentee it will be your end .
the red despot spotter
At least we didn't have to suffer Broon attempting to say "constituents" this week, with his weak second "t".
Sounds something like "constidyents".
Listen out for it. Pisses me right aff!
Chief Akawimbe,
I can but appologize for assuming an intelligent man like yourself, would be utterly stupid, and incompetent enough to lose something so important.
Only a complete moron would do such a thing, which you are clearly not.
Best regards,
W.W.
May I first of all congratulate the Croatian team for their heroic victory over the cowardly English rabble, who demonstrated that they couldn't kick their way out of a paper bag.
I'm advised that Gordon Brown was at the match, but slipped out through a back door before the end to avoid the boos.
Re the missing files:
Labour MPs are admitting privately that financial institutions should never be located in the North East, where it's well known that the NE IQ is way below the SE IQ.
It's often suggested that people in the North East eat their babies, but I'm not sure that there's any evidence for that.
Brown said in PMQ that in the last decade we have had the lowest inflation of any decade.
That is total rubbish.
The average inflation rate per year in the last 10 years is 2.637%.
From 1830 to 1964 that is 135 years the average inflation rate is 1.3305925%.
Therefore I could find at least 10 decades with lower average inflation than the present decade.
what bullshit they feed us. "It would have been too onerous" to remove the confidential info. As an IT professional of 25 years standing I'd bet the ranch I could anonymise it in under 15 minutes regardless of the format. And the time spent doing that would probably have made it fit on one disk anyway; so the few minutes spent anonymising it would have been more than saved by reducing the time needed to burn it.
Wankers.
Alistair Darling caught lying to Parliament as bankers deny his claim that he delayed his announcement at their request:
Last night bankers reacted angrily to a suggestion by Mr Darling that he had delayed his announcement because the financial sector was “adamant” it needed time to prepare. A senior City source said: “By 9.30 on Monday we were ready to run. It is hard to fathom why any suggestion was made that any delay was down to us.”
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article2912937.ece?token=null&offset=24
Looks like Darling is dead meat. Next Chancellor.... Ed Balls?
well, that's the team out of Europe, just need to get the rest of the country out now.
Brown will dump the pound and join the euro at parity within 2 years. Assuming he hasn't been deposed by then.
You heard it here first.
all ill say for now is
"let the challenge begin"
thanks
red depot spotter
"It's often suggested that people in the North East eat their babies"
Ay, in a stottie. Make a tasty snack between pizzas....
"Brown said in PMQ that in the last decade we have had the lowest inflation of any decade."
You have to remember for nulab 1997 was year zero nothing useful happened before this date.In their history books it just says "here be dragons"
Mr Winston from Jamacia
I agree. Wee can show our ex Colonial Masters a thing or two when it comes to running a Benefits Office efficiently. How is young Winston. The nice Ms Two Bellies Smith allowed our youngest, Junior Akawimbe, into UK without passport, visa or any papers. Junior's pal in Croydon, Augustine Ogukwu, sorted him out a nice new identity and then got him into HMRC. Junior is in a spot of bother but the nice Revenue people are putting him up in a nice hotel. He expects to go on nearly retirement(he is 24) on full pension so he will probably return to Lagos where he can join me at Benefits House. Should young Winston be kicking about send him across. We also deal in substances.
Mr Wilberfarce your apology is accepted. Sorry to hear about the football. Nigeria won the last Africa Cup so perhaps I can arrange for our Manager Jomo Hot Shoes Sono to take over your ailing millionaire deadbeats.
Yours fraternally
Chief Akawimbe
Benefits and Substances
Could someone in the know please confirm this. Apparently the CD's also contained one other piece of information. The married females maiden name.
Now what do the bank normally ask to confirm a woman's identity?
Since my last post at 11.26pm yesterday I said that I could
find 10 decades with lower annual interest rates than Brown the knowledge.
I started at 1830.
The first 10 decades were lower than Brown the knowledge.
1997 -- 2006 average = 2.64%.
1830 --1839 = 0.52%
1831 --1840 = 0.74%
1832 --1841 = 0.43%
1833 --1842 = 0.21%
1834 --1843 = 0.181% deflation
1835 --1844 = 0.39%
1836 --1845 = 0.77%
1837 --1846 = 0.93%
1838 --1847 = 1.35%
1839 --1848 = 0.503 deflation
1835 --1844 =
Where's Guido???
After his ultimatum to Brown to come to the Commons with him on Tuesday or he would resign, there are now rumours amongst Labour backbenchers that a traumatised Darling is determined to resign and Brown is desperately trying to hang on to him.
As more of the missing data scandal is revealed it seems certain that Darling will fall on his sword.
http://www.freeidprotection.co.uk/
This is a useful site for anyone worried about their identity being stolen.
Too bad it's only for humans.
I hear the government are frantically trying to cover up some devastating news leaking out about Northern Rock.
Whatever could it be?
9.28am Where's Guido.
I expect he's fully occupied mixing up the Milupa.
anon 9:28
GF hopefully working on the mother of all postings !
More Foot & Mouth at Pirbright according to SKY.
Wasbrook1848 - don't even bother with the stats. Brown has manipulated inflation measures to suit his spin. Very roughly RPI in real economy has been about 2.0% since 1997 whareas RPI in state sector has been about 9%. And in any event this has got bugger all to do with GB it's the legacy of the Thatcher/Regan's victory over communism and the imported deflation from China/India etc that has helped him to achieve the figures he boasts about. Once this point can be cogently made the last leg of his credibility will go. Hopefully whoever replaces him will properly give independence to the BoE and sort out the mess that is the FSMA 2000.
Dear Mr Washboard
You obviously have no understanding of the Year Zero approach to government. Year Zero is 1997. Anything that happened before that is absolute shit and the responsibility of the party opposite, Mr Speaker. Life only really began in 1997 with the emergence of nothing less than the political arm of the British people. You better watch out or you'll be sent off for re-education in what it means to be British.
They do know where you live , you know. And so, apparently, thanks to HMRC, does every other fucker.
Mad cow, blue tongue,JCD, foot and mouth.
Typical Tory.
So nudge nudge at 10:14 AM, what's the rumour?
atlas shrugged 9:41pm
"These people could get bank loans, mortgages and even fund shares transactions in your name..."
Crikey! They could even pay their income tax bills from our accounts! How sickening would that be?! Is there no end to this nightmare scenario?
chief akawimbe 7:18pm
Yo Chief!
Appreciated the missive man.
Just to let you know that young Winston has sethimself up in business and doing great works for the Lord. No doubt, you'll be most interested to hear that, against stiff competition from the Asian block, he's won the contract to supl the whole HMRC with top quality High Grade. We are delighted with his progress. HMRC are very happy with his services too - as they find his product helps them make the correct decisions.
Winston
High Mansions
Blue Mountain
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