Traditional Tories in the shires were once again questioning Cameron's populist tactics as their party leader and Les Battersby posed for publicity shots outside Baldwin's Knicker Factory.
Not a caption, just a question, why the hell does he let himself get in these situation where we can so easilly take the piss? Oh well, more fun for us I suppose, and my vote goes for "born to be mild..." at 1.21, brilliant.
DC has a test fitting in the latest weapon in the Tory Armoury, the Suicide Torpedo. Designed by CCHQ as a discardable, one way, one use option, the ST Mk 5 will provide optionality in the choice and direction at the next PMQ's or electoral hustings. Whilst the ST Mk 5 remains a prototype, boffins and back office tyro's are already working on the Mk 6 and Mk 7 in case of need and to maintain optionality.
The ST Mk 5 brought to you by CCHQ and those lovely lads at British Armanents, Experimental, PLC.
Evel Knievel announces one last comeback - plans to repeat 1975 jump of 13 buses at Wembley. DC to ride sidecar for publicity. In true Tory and Knievel fashion, spectacular crash and burn expected. Guardian poll reports 88% in support of jump, 24% against, 15% undecided and 131% don't like Dave.
Dave: "For my latest PR stunt, we are about to beat Evil Kneeval's record of leaping across the top of 15 double decker buses. After all, what could possibly go wrong?"
Surprise outcome as Tory leader is given screen-test for remake of hit 70's TV show George and Mildred and ends up thrilling the crowds by spanking it.
"Crafty" Dave Cameron uses his audition for a part in the remake of hit British sitcom On The Buses to unveil the centrepiece strategy of his cunning campaign to woo Green voters with super-subliminal messaging...
Sunk deep in a Friday evening Peroni Triste, Tuscan Tony strode out onto the terrace, raised his head to the skies, and shaking his fist cried "Can there possibly be a bigger numpty in the world than that nostril-jockey Gordon!?!?!?"
A clap of thunder rang out, and somewhere in the distance was the sound of a motorcycle sidecar combination being started, and the snap of goggles being drawn over eyes.
Dare-devil Dave "the Human Hoover" Cameron wows Conservative faithful with a courageous and intuitive re-enactment of a classic Henry Fonda moment: he successfully performs a mind-blowing cocaine-snorting stunt off the top of a sidecar windshield whilst simultaneously giving a convincing demonstration of how his small capacity brain can do unlimited damage to the election.
Dave tests the new "ECO freindly" ministerial transport for when he gets his turn at being the top banana! It runs on compressed methane from his own rectum! should squeeze a few greenie votes Eh?
Cameron sitting in a phallic symbol impresses only cunts.....a bit like the fuckers policies really, what there is of them beyond his Icke like transformation.
So, Guido, it's true - your readership has no imagination.
How about: "OK James, now we have built this new school in Rwanda get me back to London in time for PMQs so we can tell that twat Brown he has to agree to a referendum on the introduction of the new EU treaty and don't spare the horses!"
DC: Ya! I've just had an idea for the Conservative's theme tune for the next election! Driver:Not bloody Sade's 'Smooth Operator'?! DC: No. Olive's driving theme from 'On the Buses'! Driver:Does this side-car detach.....
Well Dave finally made it to Tewksbury on the bike - too little, too late?
Let us hope that he learns a little humility from this sorry episode and moreover that he realises that his defiance of the thoughts of Party members is counter-productive. Non Party people (ie those who he is trying to entice to vote Tory again) were unimpressed by his actions as well.
Brown has only got away with it because of Cameron's own goals.
What was that comment about smoking a little cannabis when a student causing problems later in life?
I think many of you have done a mighty fine job of extracting a fare amount of witt, from what seems to me to have very little to offer.
It just gos to show that a lively mind can extract humour from two white lines drawed on the back of a toilet door if it is motivated to do so.
It still looks like a prospective Tory PM sitting in a side car with one of the most bland uninteresting looking riders it is possible to have had in the shot.
One thing I learned at school was that Grammar and Public School boys all had one thing in common apart from no girlfriends and spots.
They could all giggle at some of the most incredibly benile things, often more then even the girls did. I see that this exclusively middle class boys 'talent' does stand the test of time.
garypowell - what the fuck are you prattling on about ? Didn't they teach you to spell at school ? Or is that a bit to 'middle class' for you?
"extracting a fare amount of witt" What ? Or should that be 'Watt'?
"just gos to show " - does this refer to a member of that popular 80s beat combo 'Bros' ?
"One thing I learned at school was that Grammar and Public School boys all had one thing in common apart from no girlfriends and spots." - Well, if you only learned one thing at school, it is a shame that it is complete fantasy - feeling a little inferior are we Mr Powell ?
"They could all giggle at some of the most incredibly benile..."
What !? Do you mean :- a/ penile b/ futile c/ benevolent d/ banal
You might want to go 50/50 as I'm not sure you have any friends, and there is no point asking the audience as they won't have a clue.
146 comments:
Oooh Crikey I'm a hard man biker now
Ian Dale gets that closer to A list.
Hells Angels (Eton Chapter) visits Africa. Hasn't Rwanda suffered enough?
Luxury-end dildo given trial run.
'Pizza for Mr Brown'
David Cameron is so posh that after he's had a shit he gets his butler to drive him round so he can wipe his arse on his mansion driveway.
Willets (in helmet), 'Right, Dave, that's the gay biker vote sorted, now get in that fucking wheel chair'
Osborne (in helmet), 'Careful, Dave, there's a fucking big waffle on your shoulder'
Cameron can't even get it right after party calls for him to get on his bike.
Posh Etonian twat trials new mobile wanking chariot
Boris (in helmet) 'Let's take a spin down to Brick Lane and meet some voters. Cripes!'
Dave - 'You've got a nice shiny helmet, Ian.'
Inaugural launch of Gordon Brown's manned nose excavator retrieves large snot.
Hard-up Tory party seeks ways of beating congestion charge.
Gaye Bikers on Cobbles - Everythang's Groovy!
Sorry
David Cameron seems to have transformed himself into a large black and interestingly shaped marital aid.
Whats new funny or original about that?
OK how about
"Motor bike and rider sitts next to Tory dressed in giant post-modernist black dildo costume."
No, not even the slightest bit funny. Good luck with this one.
Gary - I've done the dildo joke: fuck off.
Dave proves he's ready to go 'green' after a dozen or so circuits round the nearest roundabout.
Traditional Tories in the shires were once again questioning Cameron's populist tactics as their party leader and Les Battersby posed for publicity shots outside Baldwin's Knicker Factory.
"Three wheels on my wagon, and I'm still rolling along"
Crucial Commons vote: member with elephantisis makes it with minutes to spare.
Two Flat Ladies?
Dave - 'Gosh, I'm leader of the pack!'
Hague (in helmet) - 'For the time being.'
Cameron: "I feel like a third wheel."
or
Cameron: "I imagine that all those reverse-snobs and ignorant bigots at Guido's will make stupid comments about 'toffs' when they see this picture."
DK
Dave tests new bogey deflector for PMQs
Crackin' cheese Gromit!
Auditions for new Dr Who and assistant were about to close for the day.
Hug a hoodie.
Bugger a biker.
'Typhoon' Dave cuddles his best cue as manager Sid Hague delivers him to the Crucible on time.
Dave: 'What's it like to have a powerful engine throbbing between your legs?'
Boris (in helmet): 'Er, crikey!'
On balance, Dave felt that the leaked sidecar picture was marginally better than anything involving rocking horses.
David Cameron demostrates his new Saddam type tactics that he will soon be needing to escape capture from Britains Neo National Socialist Brownshirts.
Before you splitt your sides laughing at that. Its really not funny at all.
Happy now George?
Born to be mild . . .
Dave: 'What kind of bike is it?'
Helmet: 'A Honda'.
Dave: 'Ah, they don't have a soul like a Vincent 52'.
new Wallace and Gromit models made out of wood.
Evel Knievel promised Dave that a 9% dip in the polls could easily be cured by a well-publicised leap across the Thames.
Possibly not what Norman Tebbit had in mind, but not bad for a first attempt.
I've always been a passenger.
Twat nav
Tory summer offensive gets underway.
That nice Mr Hilton's taking me for a ride.
Tories new power booster device doubtful for Autumn Launch.
The pusher.
"I hope the wheels are ok on this damned thing. I can't afford any more to come off !"
And in wetter climes, just pull that handle and hey Presto! It turns into a boat!
Heir to Blair? or Clown for Brown?
Sorry Guido I really can't be arsed looking at this supercillious prick.
See you next Friday.
Cameron's new water-proof method of transport - for his escape when his flooded-out constituents see him and start thowing empty water bottles.
New hug a biker plan to boost torys in polls...
As usual the Tory Leader positions himself to the left of the Red party.
Not a caption, just a question, why the hell does he let himself get in these situation where we can so easilly take the piss? Oh well, more fun for us I suppose, and my vote goes for "born to be mild..." at 1.21, brilliant.
Beats 2 Jags, any day.
DC has a test fitting in the latest weapon in the Tory Armoury, the Suicide Torpedo.
Designed by CCHQ as a discardable, one way, one use option, the ST Mk 5 will provide optionality in the choice and direction at the next PMQ's or electoral hustings.
Whilst the ST Mk 5 remains a prototype, boffins and back office tyro's are already working on the Mk 6 and Mk 7 in case of need and to maintain optionality.
The ST Mk 5 brought to you by CCHQ and those lovely lads at British Armanents, Experimental, PLC.
Evel Knievel announces one last comeback - plans to repeat 1975 jump of 13 buses at Wembley. DC to ride sidecar for publicity. In true Tory and Knievel fashion, spectacular crash and burn expected. Guardian poll reports 88% in support of jump, 24% against, 15% undecided and 131% don't like Dave.
The Prat from Whitney decides to make belated fact finding visit to his flood ridden constituences.
Norah Batty is revealed without her curlers as Wally takes her for a spin
David cheerfully adapted to having had his legs chopped off
The Motorbiker found he was unable to turn right convincingly having picked up some baggage on the left
David was disappointed at the transport provided for further foreign trips
CAMERON MOTORS AHEAD TO GLORIOUS GENERAL ELECTION VICTORY
When do I get my prize?
Let's have a spin
Half marrow, half lemon, 100% TWAT.
so posh even his motorbike has a chauffer
New cover for the remixed w*nkers song is released.
"Driver, wheres the cocktail cabinet in this thing?"
Back to No Future!
The road from Witney to Rwanda was paved with good intentions but in the end Dave couldn't face the drive himself
Mr Branson, what's to stop my falling out, once we're in space....
Ah, that would be the lack of gravity.
JG
I am used to being on the left...
Cameron launches new border police patrols..
Eddie The Eagle Edwards selected for Tory A List...
This isn't the sort of political Triumph we had in mind, David.
"Have you got my shoes?"
"Any suitcases sir?"
"I've asked an Eskimo to run along behind and carry them"
Tory leader regrets but cannot deny embarrasing trip.
Look at my hard shiny helmet.
David has coped well with his Rwandan hemicorporectomy.
TT introduces Chauffeur event.
Suit you, sir.
Liam Fux and Wild Bill Haig said...
This isn't the sort of political Triumph we had in mind, David.
3:34 PM, July 27, 2007
That is unbeatably good.
Tory leader reaches out to young conservatives.
I'll have to ride in this, the wheels have come off my band wagon.
Are you sure this will float?
looks like dave is iain's bit on the side.
Quick to the pratt cave!
After reading Misery by Stephen King Taliban Tim kidnaps Cameron and makes him write a neo-con manifesto.
Whatever you gay sex crazed bikers intend to do to me will be no worse than what happened at Eton - in fact I could teach you a thing or too.
Now we've paid back Lord Ashcroft this is all we can pay out on limos.
Does you cock go all the way to the end of that sidecar?
The Conservative Party demonstrates its new "Wallace & Gromit" look.
(Guess which one is Gromit!)
"Two fat ladies"
Dave: "For my latest PR stunt, we are about to beat Evil Kneeval's record of leaping across the top of 15 double decker buses. After all, what could possibly go wrong?"
Surprise outcome as Tory leader is given screen-test for remake of hit 70's TV show George and Mildred and ends up thrilling the crowds by spanking it.
Dave's list of things to do this week:
1. Deliver peace to disadvantaged Africans
2. Deliver pizzas to disaffected constituents
3. Resign
Cameron hopeful for dashing role as secret agent Simon Speed in refreshingly insightful gay spin-off of popular 60's fantasy TV series.
Hague '08!
Hague '08!
Hague '08!
"Crafty" Dave Cameron uses his audition for a part in the remake of hit British sitcom On The Buses to unveil the centrepiece strategy of his cunning campaign to woo Green voters with super-subliminal messaging...
Sunk deep in a Friday evening Peroni Triste, Tuscan Tony strode out onto the terrace, raised his head to the skies, and shaking his fist cried "Can there possibly be a bigger numpty in the world than that nostril-jockey Gordon!?!?!?"
A clap of thunder rang out, and somewhere in the distance was the sound of a motorcycle sidecar combination being started, and the snap of goggles being drawn over eyes.
God had heard, and was arranging a delivery.
Cash-strapped Madame Tussauds sell off old models as crash test dummies to help ease finicial crisis..
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/715516/sidecar_crash/?logout=1
Dare-devil Dave "the Human Hoover" Cameron wows Conservative faithful with a courageous and intuitive re-enactment of a classic Henry Fonda moment: he successfully performs a mind-blowing cocaine-snorting stunt off the top of a sidecar windshield whilst simultaneously giving a convincing demonstration of how his small capacity brain can do unlimited damage to the election.
7:27 PM
Oh leave it out!
David Davies's plan to help 'Dave' to go out and meet real people in Gloucestershire marginals is revealed.
And then Guido scooped the field and wheeled out a shot from 2005 ...
Gareth and Anti Citi...You got there first!
Cameron...'Let's ban the Three by Threes from Chelsea eh Chaps'?
7:39 PM
nomination for cc award
tt, i gotta say...ur plot work like a real well-oiled engine! what a classic film noir scene! you know u completely wasted as a total and utter twat!
"Take me to that place where Dale gets his shirts"
After Nigel resigned from the Hells Angels he experienced enormous difficulty pulling decent birds.
my cabinet 7:39pm
Dave, sorry mate, know you're trying and all that but it had to be said. Now back you scuttle to Witney, chap.
Was that bastard with a camera from The Mail?
Dave tests the new "ECO freindly" ministerial transport for when he gets his turn at being the top banana!
It runs on compressed methane from his own rectum! should squeeze a few greenie votes Eh?
Trotters Independent Traders donate battle bus to Tories
Cameron sitting in a phallic symbol impresses only cunts.....a bit like the fuckers policies really, what there is of them beyond his Icke like transformation.
Cuntservative Homos has this pic for a competition months ago.
Dave: Whats that foot pedal for?
Hague: Its the ejector seat mate!
Is the Lexus going to follow us?
You know, it's just dawned on me; I need a new spin doctor.
Dave gets a rocket up his arse.
...it hav taken me a FULL 12 hrs. to stop larfing,hem-hem...
and hats off to new bug street for holdin the fort. he hav a grate future ahead of him.
but the caption is...
"Despite the efforts of hundreds of devotees, Cambo, the sacred bollocks, is transported off to his fate by the clunking fist of rural prudence"
UPDATE: Veterinary Post-mortem confirms 'Cambo' infected with elephantine TB'
as such Shameron has been slaughterd, cremated & is currently being wiped from the page of hist.
or at least thetorygraph's archive, hem-hem..!
anywa, all boys & gurls sa cheers for the hols. (chers cheers) and hurrah for the beach (come on skool!! sa brown,..chiz.)
Cameron takes voters' minds off 'floodgate' with spin in eco-taxi.
..unless peason find a URL to the minutes of last meeting of the "influential" 1922 commitee...
come on boys, waht happen?
Royal Enfield Bullet + Watsonian Squire sidecar.
And I claim my co-conspirator anorak, Guido.
It takes off at 20mph, crosses to Le Touquet in only three days - and it's guaranteed to make the passengers go green!
Be a good chap, just turn your head round and make sure the pantechnicon with all my policies is following us.
Please, please, please, please me Gideon to my left right and centre.
So, Guido, it's true - your readership has no imagination.
How about: "OK James, now we have built this new school in Rwanda get me back to London in time for PMQs so we can tell that twat Brown he has to agree to a referendum on the introduction of the new EU treaty and don't spare the horses!"
[music]"On the Highway to Hell"[music]
On sunny days David would often wait patiently in the asylum courtyard, but the summons to kiss hands at Beckingham Palace never came.
Gromit, where's my cheese?
David shows he's to the left of the center ground.
Is it Dave doing a condom advert?
Safety conscious biker keeps spare helmet in sidecar.
Dave saying 'thank you' to Gordon for Gordon's generous donation of new transport for Privy Councillors?
DC: Ya! I've just had an idea for the Conservative's theme tune for the next election!
Driver:Not bloody Sade's 'Smooth Operator'?!
DC: No. Olive's driving theme from 'On the Buses'!
Driver:Does this side-car detach.....
What a nicce Boy- Thats how I get my bit on the Side!
Cameron: "Quick Hagrid, Voldemort is nearly upon us!"
Hilton (for it is he): "Calm down Dave, you're not really Harry Potter and that's Gordon Brown not Voldemort."
Well Dave finally made it to Tewksbury on the bike - too little, too late?
Let us hope that he learns a little humility from this sorry episode and moreover that he realises that his defiance of the thoughts of Party members is counter-productive. Non Party people (ie those who he is trying to entice to vote Tory again) were unimpressed by his actions as well.
Brown has only got away with it because of Cameron's own goals.
What was that comment about smoking a little cannabis when a student causing problems later in life?
Cameron: "Could be worse. Some people get photographed on a rocking horse."
Look, if Steve McQueen couldn't do it, there is fuck all chance of us getting out of this godforsaken country into Switzerland!
"Explain to me again why we need to pick up concrete blocks on our way to the flooding in Tewksbury?"
I think many of you have done a mighty fine job of extracting a fare amount of witt, from what seems to me to have very little to offer.
It just gos to show that a lively mind can extract humour from two white lines drawed on the back of a toilet door if it is motivated to do so.
It still looks like a prospective Tory PM sitting in a side car with one of the most bland uninteresting looking riders it is possible to have had in the shot.
One thing I learned at school was that Grammar and Public School boys all had one thing in common apart from no girlfriends and spots.
They could all giggle at some of the most incredibly benile things, often more then even the girls did. I see that this exclusively middle class boys 'talent' does stand the test of time.
"Where now C-3PO ?"
garypowell - what the fuck are you prattling on about ? Didn't they teach you to spell at school ? Or is that a bit to 'middle class' for you?
"extracting a fare amount of witt"
What ? Or should that be 'Watt'?
"just gos to show " - does this refer to a member of that popular 80s beat combo 'Bros' ?
"One thing I learned at school was that Grammar and Public School boys all had one thing in common apart from no girlfriends and spots."
- Well, if you only learned one thing at school, it is a shame that it is complete fantasy - feeling a little inferior are we Mr Powell ?
"They could all giggle at some of the most incredibly benile..."
What !? Do you mean :-
a/ penile
b/ futile
c/ benevolent
d/ banal
You might want to go 50/50 as I'm not sure you have any friends, and there is no point asking the audience as they won't have a clue.
I'm totally into this Trident II thing.
Smug cheesy schoolboy grin for just potting the black.
Drug fuelled post modern trogladyte, Dave 'Flintstone' Cameron, ready to start his 'Tour De France'
Cameron: "Can I have a go in the driving seat now?"
Can I have a 10p piece for the slot please, sir?