The Race for Number Two
Guido was perusing the Betfair political markets and suddenly lost his enthusiasm for gambling. It seems all so boringly predictable. Sarko will be Presidente, Blair will go in the summer, Brown will be PM. Only the deputy leadership looks a bit less predictable.It also has some characters, Hain and Blears provide a lot of comedic potential. Guido feels we should know more about these people and their campaigns - well not the campaign issues so much as the campaigners themselves - we're not interested in policy. So co-conspirators, email Guido with titbits and gossip.
64 comments:
Hain is a bank robber. Do we allow this sort of individual to represent us? Whatever next?
Are there any candidates that don't look either thick, patronising or both?
Cruddas can't rely on Tribune editor Chris McLaughlin's support. Chris is Mrs Cruddas' ex-lover and the enimity between the two is as strong as you might expect.
"Brown will be PM". What a thoroughly depressing four words. Who would have ever believed that this particular "chief engineer" would actually get the captain's seat? I don't know any successful business (apart from autonomy.com) that's run by a bearded (or just sweatstained and greasy, in the case of Broon) boffin. O tempora, o mores.
I need a good laugh, so it's off to cheriewillers.blogspot.com for some more social blundering and clunking sentences!
Hazel Blears fucks like a rabbit with myxomatosis and Harriet Harman has a hairy minge.
Hilary Benn and Lembit Opik went to the same school of wonky-faced facial twattery and Alan Johnson is a secret fag.
Peter Hain used to shag trees and suffers from premature ejaculation.
And I hate them all.
Anyone but Hazel Vaginismus mouth smug hag.
Please., Anyone
There's not going to be a deputy leader Gordon Brown's abolishing it.
Anyone but Hain. Even Blears.
Isn't Cruddas likely to get unseated at the election?
'There's not going to be a deputy leader'
Duh.
3:46 Gary Elsby
Christ, not you again.
You're a mind-numbingly boring twat. I'd rather pick pubes out of Tim Irelands foreskin that to have to listen to you again.
Piss off.
A well placed south-african former friend of Hain has said to a number of people that he had a few, how can I put it, "Oaten-esque" type experiences at school....not that there is anything wrong with that of course.
what a 'choice.'
Like having a 'choice' as to which of your knackers gets cut off.
Vulcan's on to something with the Benn / Opik connection though.
Actually, anyone but Bleughrs. If I ever have to suffer her adenoidal breakneck salford whine again, as she screeches the party line despite manifest evidence of her growing delusion or mendacity I think I'll cry.
Tuscan Tony 3.09
Now you know!
"If you think that the leader role in UK companies is the preserve of accountants, think again. Despite rumours to the contrary, engineers do make it in business. Here, Workthing proves the point
The perspective:
Some 45% of all professionally qualified chairmen or chief executives of UK manufacturing companies have an engineering or science background.
Over 80 of the FTSE-100 companies have a professional engineer on their main board, while 16 of the FTSE-100 companies' top executives in 2000 were engineers - just one fewer than their accounting counterparts. Qualified engineers held 162 of the total number of directorships with FTSE-100 companies in 1997.
Did you know?
With the exception of accountants, there are more engineers on the boards of quoted UK companies than any other profession.
According to a survey carried out by the Engineering Council in 2000, chartered engineer chief executives outnumber accountant chief executives by three to one in UK manufacturing. Of the 43,000 directors of manufacturing companies in this country, more than 10,000 are engineers."
Source:
http://www.workthing.com/career-advice/success-at-senior/engineering/senior_survey.html
Word verification is DRABC
this just about sums it all up....
AADVARK - any info on actuaries as allegedly they make accountants seem interesting.
Re Blears I think it was Penfold "in another place" who described the noises she makes as sort of POLITICAL TINNITUS which I thought 0most appropriate.
Come on Guido cheer us all up ....... a Brown future is sooooo depressing.
"A well placed south-african former friend of Hain has said to a number of people that he had a few, how can I put it, "Oaten-esque" type experiences at school...."
Makes him a shoe-in for the "number two" spot then.
Not Hain, please..he is an odious permatanned cnut. He's South African as well, for f**ks sake...
Cruddas at least has integrity
Alan Johnson, is as fake as Hain's tan
Harriet Harman's claim to the deputy leadership is that she lacks a penis...we'll she is a very large one....
I know Iain Dale is just Nuts for Hazel but I hate her....she's almost as patronising and annoying as Hewitt
Hilary Benn has half the intelligence as dad and one tenth the charisma
With that lot, god help the Labour party...
Dig deep enough and you will find all sorts of skeletons!
Hain had Oaten like experiences?
That would explain why he speaks without letting his teeth part - clearly caught out once!
Why the fuck have you posted a photo of steven segal on the left hand side of peter hain?
I had a Hain-esque experience once but we didn't remain friends.
On Jon Cruddas' website:
There was a duck pond round the corner from me on Tooting Common
where the ducks lived quite happily splashing about and small children
would go along with their parents. When I passed by the duck pond the
other day it had been drained. Tory Wandsworth are obsessed with
having low council tax – maybe this is how they cut costs?"
This is genius.
I like Cruddas.
Kevin McGuire has been spotted cozying up to Cruddas supporters recently. Apparently.
Doesn't Cruddas represent a seat in the East End? In which case why does he live in Wandsworth?
Cruddas also has a huge picture of David Cameron on his website. Although with a name like Crudass I would have expected him to be of the LimpDem persuasion.
I gather he has a PHD but at least he doesn't go around calling himself "Dr" Cruddas.
Steven Segal? It looks more like my former geography teacher Mr.Grabelow.
I think Dale had the ducks just after the romainies ----- if you see what I mean.
Not sure which of the 3 came off worst!
Did notice the other day on PMQ's that the Orange one had infected certain of the other cabinet members on the benches - I do hope it is something significant - possibly swimming in Firth of Forth Fith Sith.
Broon is not obliged to make his deputy 'DPM' nor to have a department deducated to the role. Without that, the only purpose of the deputy is to stand in for Brown on party business if he becomes unavailable. It doesn't mean covering for Broon's many predictable absences from PMQs - any senior cabinet minister can do that, and Broon can decide which one as it suits him. Broon could make his deputy party chairman and send them out to the provinces to pacify the troops. That would serve them right.
tuscan tony 3:09 PM, April 24, 2007:
Yeah tony darlings...I was driving past parliamentary the other day...
Joying the sunshine...
One hand on the wheelie...
the other playing with my favourite pearlie...
Pear-dropalit...
ear-studlit...
Letting it slippy in betweeny my fingers...oh!
Getting all so bleary dreamy and carried away...ahhh!
When a proud tall policieman stepped out so stopped me so suddenly
I had to break out my fantasie so hard that someone went straight up me arsie!
And you'll never no-in-a-million guess who this dumbo driver was!...
only...
that great big mad baddy money man...
Gordon Frown!!
Well!
Lickally I was all boots boobs minied out n heeled up...
We exchanged digitails...and porn numbers...
sent him my most divesting smile
And he agreeed to meet me up later...on!
Said he "I have somding substandill i'm wantingta to put in an envelope for you...little missy...or I'll be feeling gilty..."
And you know what?
His deed was as good as his word!!!
We had a rendez in the back of his slimozine (he wantied to park it unnerground)
and then he got out his growth figger...
not that promising i must say
tho said he had a "long" in the bank
but anyways, he's tried to present it me all of differing ways
ummpha-sizing upside, downside, backside and gord knows flipping what-side...
He got on toppo the job...in the end...
A real dour performance to be fair
But just coudda knot peak out
he even wanted a try with me moaning "pm my pm ur so big an powerful" in his ear
but evidentally he just couldna figger it out
somating to do with his prurience i think he sayed
i'll better be frank darlings: he was giving me his best campaign but couldn't deliver an erection victory for love nor money
(OK I admit it...he was actuawilly banging me!)
then it all came awfilly unstuck when he was sweatingly humping pumping away between my long leggies and my big sexy mouth was gaping n gasping for fresh air coz of his suffocatingly odourous bodily stink...
Then fuck me if he didn't explode with one big sneeze!!
And I tell you what...
A bogie the size of a frigin dumpling shot outta his nasty nose and straight down my throat...
I nearly choked on the giant greeny globular thingy...it was all doughy yucky and slimy
Hyalp!! hyalp!!
He had to frenchie me to suck it out and save me...
He only suckseeded in loosening it up tho and he had to slap me on the back...
So I had to get him to slap on my back...
It popped back out with so forceful it copped his chauffeur one on the back of the head and twatted him unconscionable...
And he was so para about the scandliscious gossip that he elected to swallow it wholesome!
A difficult one to digestivify I gathered by his groaning...
Hell!!!!!
When he said he wanted to try sum third way
I put me foot down and left him smellying the burning rubber...
...with what he weighed me out I'm now on a bermudan beach touching up my tan...
(it's tit to toe you know...)
At the time I felt so ashamed...
But so what...i got me brown envelope filled!
"The Race for Number Two"
Every one of them looks like a 'number 2' to me.
Why is this lineup of nomarks so strangely provocative?
bhownaggree
I suppose we should give any politician a round of applause for being on a public common and using it for the purpose it is intended for rather than cruising for gay sex, Or did he just notice that all the water has gone whilst waiting to be invited back a flat with a Rastafarian and a badger?
If you were MP for Dagenham, wouldn't you prefer to live in Wandsworth?
Aardvark 407pm - but how many of them are real (mechanical as opposed to software or design) engineers, and have the all-important beards?
On the other hand if I was the MP for Wandsworth I may prefer to live in Nottinghill. And so it goes.
The Hitch, I cannot comment on the circumstances of that particular visit to the common due to legal reasons.
Can people not be homophobic, I get hysterically peevish?
Tuscan Tony 5.17 PM
I admit that very few of them have beards. They feel obliged to shave them off and ape their accountant colleagues when they reach Director level.
There used to be a whisky ad:
"Don't be vague, ask for Haig."
a slight 'tweak' and it becomes:
"Do be vain. . . ask for Hain"
bhrownaggree: To say that seeing a politician on a public common for a purpose other than gay sex is unusual is not homophobic..it's a statement of fact.
BOF2BS 4.18 PM
Very few actuaries at the top levels (except in insurance companies) but they maintain such a low profile that it's difficult to count them.
The picture of Hazel Blears in your posts makes her look a little like Iain Dale don't you think? Poor Iain.
Bhownagree:5.36.
"Can people not be homophobic?"
Nah,sorry mate,it's in the genes,I can't 'elp meself.
My money is on "Red Squirrel" Blears!
noooooooooooooo not one of these people is suitable they are political magnolia.Hazel blurs is the only one with personality but thats a bad one.
I thought magnolia was the in colour for labour deputies.
"The Hitch, I cannot comment on the circumstances of that particular visit to the common due to legal reasons.
Can people not be homophobic, I get hysterically peevish? "
Then get peevish.
Bovvered?
You total poof.
I suppose with a leader of bruuns stature the bar is set pretty low for a deputy.
just a thought but did bruun deliberatly wreck the pensions industry so people would have to release all that lovely equity in their houses??.
Hain has pissed on his chips in Wales.
Hitch said...expletive, obscenity,another obscenity ,obscenity followed by an expletive, followed by another expletive.
In the world of blogging you win the prize for being the most boring retard ever to post.You have one joke which entails you sitting in front of your computer and composing a comment which has as many profanities as your little mind can provide, add a couple of nasty remarks about the mark of the day and click print.You then read and read again your nauseating contribution which you foolishly believe is appreciated by the crowd who gather here.Trouble is you are a one joke wonder, and it is done so much better by other posters.I would suggest you check out the postings of one known as "Shotgun" now that is a guy who has class unlike you,he is very funny unlike you,when he insults you,you know you have been insulted unlike you.So take a hike,give us all a rest for pities sake you silly twerp or at least come back with something other than the regurgitated crap that is your norm.
Hazel takes over from Pressa and gets the shagger in chief role
Lot's of interesting stories in the press me thinks from sexually offended male interns
Do they have to be elected? Their predcessors should have coffee with Beria.
Mike,
No!
You are one of those perverts who loves to be insulted and degraded in public, you court it both here and on Iain Dales blog where you abuse verity.
I want no part in fulfilling your sordid fantasies............unless you pay!
Send me your phone number and credit card details and I will be happy to oblige, no doubt I could persuade Shots to join in a conference call.
As you are 64 years old we could give you 30 minutes notice to allow time for your viagra to kick in.
£100 per hour.
PS
Start your own blog and let us all see how witty and original YOU are.
CUNT
I bet Bhownaggree's fiercely 'anti-racist' too and flagellates himself for our sins on Holocaust Memorial Day(TM), like all the rest of Tony's congregation.
One old franc on Royal to win please Guido ... the Frogs may yet go for monarchy, and there's always the guillotine. Any chance of introducing it here? Couple of centimes on Hain getting the chop if so.
Honestly Guido, I can't think of any bunch of characters less in need of gossip to devalue them. They've devalued themselves by being complete idiots.
Maybe the East End One freed himself from the clutches of the Dagenham Girl Pipers to go and live in leafy, Conservative, low-tax Wandsworth.
I would suggest you check out the postings of one known as "Shotgun" now that is a guy who has class unlike you,he is very funny unlike you
'Mike', you are clearly an inexperiuenced sockpuppet for 'Shotgun' and I claim etc etc
Here is a news fact,me and my partner have just posted our vote in the local elections.we both voted liberal.normaly it would be labour,we could not trust the conservitives.At the moment there is not a choice we can vote for including the Liberals,but it better than nothing.if the was a general election one of us may? vote labour if gordon starts looking after us low payed and cuts our tax.
Excuse me but wasn't the rat faced ginger one formerly Gordon Brittas?
Eggsellent!
Mike 8.17
" "Shotgun" now that is a guy who has class unlike you,he is very funny unlike you,when he insults you,you know you have been insulted unlike you."
Mike, fuck off - you're a boring, self-righteous cunt who's too linguistically inept to match the cutting humour of Hitch, so you have to resort to mounting your high-horse like a kid who was too unpopular to be picked for the school football team, so he became the milk monitor instead.
You're a pathetic dehydrated little dog turd with white pubes and bad breath.
Go collect your pension.
(insulting enough for you?)
penelope prickstop 5:03 PM, April 24, 2007:
I wish to make it absolutely clear, to the many upstanding and decent-minded people who read this blog, that the afore-mentioned account of events as related by penelope prickstop is factually inaccurate and highly misleading - and I using this opportunity to post this comment with the sole and sincere intention of correcting certain crucial aspects of her story.
Although I fully admit that I went up her ars...
I mean...
rammed her from behind...
rather...
went into the back of her vehicle
(an error of judgement for which I have paid in full by bestowing upon Miss Prickstop a most generous compensation package which met with her complete satisfaction),
I totally, utterly, categorically and completely refute the outrageously scurrilous and scandalous suggestion that the bogie was "the size of a frigin [sic] dumpling."
It was not.
It was, in fact, no larger than the size of a small marble and I would regard any assertion to the contrary as a litigious nay actionable matter - which, if left unchallenged, could adversely affect my career, family life and my standing in the community.
dumpy
I'm glad u can own up to going into the back of my vehicle...
but you're forgetting to mention that this was actally THE NEXT DAY, you naughty dirty boy - when you had me on the back seat of my jeep and INDEED "rammed me from behind" and "went up" my tight little old arsie.
As for the that disgusting great big green slimie snotule:
it was definitally NOT sized like a marbel but more like a tennis ball...you lying little rascal...
so you must be getting the bogie confused with one of your bollocks, honey.
penelope titpop 12:28pm
"you must be getting the bogie confused with one of your bollocks, honey"
this would not be difficult in the case of a man who gets confused between buying and selling.
"Race for Number Two" and is anyone really surprised Oaten's name has been mentioned...
Or did he just notice that all the water has gone whilst waiting to be invited back a flat with a Rastafarian and a badger?
I never go with Rastafarians!
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