Call or Email, Get on the Air...

It is Tuesday and that means at 6.30pm in the studio at Resonance, Piers Gibbon hosts The Knives Are Out, where Recess Monkey and Guido will be mocked by comedienne Hils Barker. Click here for the online stream from 6.30pm. In London tune into 104.4fm.

This week the theme is "Green" and we'll have Sian Berry (pictured) from the Green party as our target guest. Guido thinks the Greens are the new totalitarians, with their anti-human agenda, so it should be lively.

Email questions for the show to rant@theknivesareout.com or phone in your rant or questions on 0901 393 1044 and leave a voicemail for broadcast. Here’s the website. Here’s the miniblog. Here’s the itunes thingy.

Labour Whips Bring Out the Thumbscrews

The Labour whips are looking stressed this morning. Can the anti-War Labour left muster the 40ish rebels they need to defeat the government. In the past the whips have managed to cajole the semi-awkward squad into abstentions by playing on their unwillingness to vote with the Tories. The Tories have put forward their own amendment which will fail and they will then fall in behind the SNP/Plaid Cymru motion. Strangely there is some concern that the LibDems might not back the motion for some slippery reason.

The government is spinning that to vote for democratic oversight of the Iraq decision-making process would undermine the brave boys fighting for democracy in Iraq. So democracy undermines the fight for democracy? Well Guido reckons that they would like to know why they are providing target practice for sectarian insurgents before they start the civil war that they clearly are keen on commencing. "Ours is not to reason why, ours is to do or die" is not as popular a mantra as it was...

If these Labour rebels back the motion, which is based on EDM 1088 which they backed before, the government will probably be defeated.

Diane Abbott, John Austin, Lyn Brown, Ronnie Campbell, Martin Caton, Colin Challen, Michael Clapham, Harry Cohen, Jeremy Cohen, Jim Cousins, Ann Cryer, Jim Devine, Bill Etherington, Mark Fisher, Paul Flynn, Neil Gerrard, Ian Gibson, Kate Hoey, Kelvin Hopkins, Glenda Jackson, Lynne Jones, Peter Kilfoyle, Bob Marshall-Andrews, John McDonnell, Jim McGovern, Austin Mitchell, Linda Riordan, Alan Simpson, Peter Soulsby, Gavin Strang, Jon Trickett, Robert N Wareing, Mike Wood and Claire Short!

Loans Due

Just been on the phone with the Electoral Commission re loans to political parties. The returns are due in today (not as reported previously and now corrected). The taxpayers will be let in on the secret at the end of November. Can't wait...

Gore's Carbon Footprint

Couldn't the government have got a local adviser, someone who doesn't have to fly across the Atlantic to tell us, err, not to fly across the Atlantic? Just a thought.

Late Filings

Guido has been a little busy today. Fending off threats of writs and dealing with annual filings for his Irish interests. So he has some sympathy for the Telegraph, who have to file their annual return in 1 minute or be in breach of the law. Look Daddy, I shrunk the company!

Staying on this theme the Electoral Commission was supposed to receive the details of loans made to political parties by September 6th tomorrow, usually the unwashed taxpayers get to see the filings a fortnight later. Still no sign. Whassup?

Self Analysis

Things Guido has learnt from drilling down the site analytics:

1. Tory Totty was the most popular story this month.
2. Lembit Opik Has a Secret was the most popular story last month.
3. Fifty Tory Applicants for New Seat was the most popular story this year.
4. Last month the daily average number of page views was over 10,000.
5. Two thirds of you still use Microsoft's IE versus a quarter using Firefox.
6. Iain Dale (5.99%) followed by ConservativeHome (3.14%) are the top referring sites this year (excluding Google searches at 19.9%).
7. Top search referrals this year (after variations on Guido) are "Sheridan" and "Ruth Turner".
8. 30,900 co-conspirators have visited the site over 200 times this year.
9. On average some 200,000 visitors come at least once a week.
10. 124,000 came to the site once in 2006 and never returned.

Radio Show Tomorrow Goes Green

Tomorrow it is Tuesday and that means at 6.30pm in the studio at Resonance, Piers Gibbon hosts The Knives Are Out, where my old foe Recess Monkey argues and gossips with Guido, mocked by comedienne Hils Barker. This week the theme is "Green" and we'll have someone from the Green party as our target guest.

Listen to last weeks show here. Email questions for the show to rant@theknivesareout.com or phone in your rant or questions on 0901 393 1044 and leave a voicemail for broadcast.

Iraq Motion for Tomorrow, Opportunity Knocks for the Opposition

Conduct of Government Policy in relation to the war in Iraq and its aftermath
That this House will establish a select committee of seven honourable Members, being members of Her Majesty's Privy Council, to review the way in which the responsibilities of Government were discharged in relation to Iraq and all matters relevant thereto, in the period leading up to military action in that country in March 2003 and in its aftermath.

If the Liberals abstain or vote against then they look like hypocrites for voting against a motion many have signed as an EDM. If the Conservatives seize the opportunity to pull a rabbit out the hat and vote for it, the number of Labour rebels might tip the balance against the government.

The Tories would not be voting against the war, but for scrutiny of the policy and the lead up to the military action. Claire Short is expected to speak in the debate (as an independent), the Labour backbenchers who feel they were hoodwinked into supporting the invasion may well vote for the establishment of a Select Committee. It would be illogical for supporters of John McDonnell not to vote with the SNP...

Is It Really Cornerstone Wot Won It?

Over on ConservativeHome the defeat of the hell-bound over faith schools focuses on the role of Cornerstone's headbanging gang. No mention of Vincent Nichols, the Catholic Archbishop of Birmingham, who said the quota plan was "unacceptable" and fronted the Catholic uprising against the government.

So who do you think featured first in Alan Johnson's calculations? John Hayes' little clique, or millions of Catholic voters in Labour seats? The quota plan was supported by Cameron and originally advanced by a Tory, Lord Baker. The defeat is as much a defeat for the Conservatives as it is for Johnson.

Guy News TV : Another Sion "Simple" Simon Mash-Up

Loony Left Want Second Home Ban

"If the Government were serious about this problem, they would give local authorities the power to tackle excess second home ownership. They have totally failed to discourage this practice, and must act now."

Nationalise second homes! Expropiate their property! Workers unite! Who said this crap? George Galloway? Dennis Skinner? Arthur Scargill? Hardly liberal is it? Oh, it is.

Looks Like the Wedding is Off for Sian and Lembit

Sad, but unsurprising, news reaches Guido's cellar that 48 year-old Sian is no longer wearing the engagement ring that Lembit (41) gave her. So she is apparently Social, Welsh, Sexy and single.

Lembit has been social throughout their relationship, which has resulted in some storms. Guido has despaired that the wedding would never happen for sometime. Time methinks to put that catsuit on again Sian..

If she does get a bit lonely this new limited edition product should rekindle some memories...

Picture Credit : Theo Spark

UPDATE : She is, according to watchers of her latest broadcast, wearing the engagement ring again. So when can we can look forward to the wedding?

LibDem's Bung May Be Needed Soon

Tory and Labour loyalists will never eat another fruit pastille again after the Rowntree Trust recently bunged the Libdems £2m to help out with their troubles. A bung of this scale suggests to Guido that LibDem sympathisers have infiltrated the Rowntree Trust to such an extent that it has become a fellow-travelling organisation.

The money is earmarked to balance up our tilted democracy blah blah blah, more likely it will be needed to pay off the dirty money defrauded by the LibDems biggest donor. The Electoral Commission has put out a statement

"Under section 58 of the Political Parties and Referendums Act 2000, the commission has the power to apply to a court for forfeit to the Consolidated Fund an amount equal to the value of any impermissible donation.

"We are considering the evidence and expect to reach a decision on whether to apply for such an order in the next few weeks."

The LibDems are bleating that

"Our independent auditors, having seen legal advice, have been satisfied that we do not need to make any provision for repayment of these funds."

They must be the same auditors who calculated Charlie Kennedy's election losing Local Government Financing Plans...

Friday Caption Contest

Support the Strike! Break the Strike!

Guido hears that the lowly paid hacks at Guardian Online have received letters outlining what their individual salary will be if the pay offer is accepted. The NUJ says: "It is highly regrettable that management decided to bypass the chapel and send individual letters offering cash which until now has not been forthcoming during the pay round. We have not seen a copy of the letter and cannot comment on its contents."

Clearly the Guardian's bosses are determined to break any strike by going around the union. Guido has offered to round up a crack team of bloggers for Georgina Henry to scab in the event of a strike. Successful bloggers like Tim Worstall, Devil's Kitchen, Dizzy, who knows maybe some of the boys at Samizdata might help if Georgina asks nicely. These are all proven writers who would bring a different perspective and a high traffic following. Given how much traffic share Comment is Free gets in comparison to say Iain Dale and Guido, it will probably give them a boost. Of course we would need to be on the same daily rate as Alan Rusbridger...

Papists 1, Johnson 0

Alan Johnson has dropped plans to make Roman Catholic schools take a quarter of their intake from the hell-bound. Johnson disingenuously claims that after getting the Catholic hierarchy to make the change "voluntarily" he no longer needed to use legislation. By "voluntary" Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor means after hell freezes over.

Only nine days until the country celebrates with fireworks an attempt by a Catholic freedom fighter to destroy anti-Catholic politicians. Guido will be toasting this victory over the Godless socialists this afternoon - "Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam".

Chris Bryant Writes for Guido!

They mocked me when I put my picture on Gaydar (why, oh why I chose those underpants I will never know). They mocked me in the valleys when they found out that I was a Tory at Oxford along with William Hague. Well they're not mocking me now.

No. I have got Bindmans on to the mockers. Iain Dale (filthy homophobe) he got a letter. He took it down. Ros Taylor at the Guardian, they got a letter and they have taken it down. No, no, no. Who is mocking now? Frightened of me all of them. Nobody is going to write spoof diaries about me and get away with it. I am Chris Bryant.

Riddle of the Day

Tom Watson Promises : I Will Never Return To Government

Guido ran a story yesterday (sourced from a person near to Tom Watson) which listed some of the people he has, by his own admission, embarrassed. It finished up with a claim that he was telling people he would be "back in government" when Gordon got in next summer. The source of that was the third party rather than Guido's imagination as Tom seems to imply. Guido invited him to refute the story and he has stated unambiguously in writing that "I promise never to return to government."

In which case Guido is happy to retract the claim and apologise unreservedly for suggesting otherwise.

Tom also has a go at my friend Iain Dale for making an innocent mistake about Chris Bryant. A mistake that provided Guido with amusement on so many levels. Iain quoted the Sun's Katherine Bergen who quoted Ros Taylor's parody of Chris Bryant, not realising that it was satire.

An easy mistake to make because Chris Bryant is beyond satire. Bryant threatened to sue Iain and demanded that his legal bills were paid for sending him a characteristically pompous threatening letter. Iain told him not to be silly and get lost - it was an innocent mistake. Bryant is now sulking.

What Watson?

Tom Watson's constituency office is also the home of West Midlands Amicus Union (ex-employers of Watson). Relations have been somewhat strained between regional staff and Watson's constituency office since his resignation.

He's been none too popular, and this has affected even the family relations and been embarrassing for them. Watson's sister-in-law Joanna Watson works in the same building (just next door to his office) for West Midlands Labour MEP ultra loyalist and NEC member Michael Cashman, and Watson's younger brother Dan works part time for neighbouring MP and Social Exclusion Minister Pat Mcfadden, another ultra-loyalist and ex-Number 10 spin doctor. Watson has angered a good many people in his region, and it hasn't further helped good relations that he was overheard telling senior party officials in his constituency recently that he expects "to be back in government" after Gordon takes over in the summer. Which is a shame because his blog has improved greatly since he has had more time on his hands.

Gordon wouldn't reward the treachery that he has publicly disavowed advance knowledge of and claimed he would have advised against. Would he?

And They Say A Dog Is A Man's Best Friend...

Tune in Tonight

Tuesday night means www.TheKnivesAreOut.com blog. Tonight at 6.30pm in the studio at Resonance, Piers Gibbon hosts The Knives Are Out, where my old foe Recess Monkey argues and gossips with Guido, tonight our guest is Tory London Mayoral wannabee Lee Rotheram. He wants to oust Ken at the next Mayoral election, then sack himself...

Listen to the latest trailer here. Email the show live tonight on rant@theknivesareout.com or phone your rant in anytime on 0901 393 1044.

Click here for the stream from 6.30pm. In London tune into 104.4fm.

Lobby News

Regional Lobby hacks are up in arms - the Press Association is trying to move in on their jobs. PA has been contacting editors of regional newspapers offering a service "for a fraction of the cost" of having their own lobby correspondents drinking in the bar all day.

The solution to the alcoholic regional hack problem is, according to PA, Lobby Extra, their service which supplies regular stories tailor-made for individual publications. PA doesn't recognise the National Union of Journalists, and the NUJ's president, Chris Morley bleats that this "is an attack on the diversity of journalism within our major cities outside London. Blah, blah, blah". Actually it is eminently sensible and will leave more room at the bar for Guido when his lobby pass arrives.

(Paul Linford will be on to give us the benefit of his wisdom in a moment.)

Have A Butchers Round Comrade Galloway's Gaff

Five bedrooms for under a million (must be sarf London). Gorgeous George Galloway has sold his place via those running dogs of capitalism, Foxtons. He got £825,000 for his leafy suburban home in Ambleside Avenue.

It looks like a twee Tory home, apart from the bust of Lenin, picture of Che etc.

Foxtons still have it up here.

Hat-tip : Hugo Rifkind

Rumour that Powell Has Been Questioned UNDER CAUTION

Guido has been using this graphic since the beginning of the year. Ruth Turner has already been questioned, Powell it is rumoured widely today, has it is said been questioned under caution.

No confirmation, but no doubt the fearless gentlemen of the lobby will be able to enlighten us shortly...

UPDATE : Tom Kelly, the PMOS has just swerved the question at the lobby briefing and steered them with a "don't get too excited" line. Excited? Guido will be ecstatic.

Wasting Police Time

Last year PC David Copperfield's blog was ripped off by The Mail on Sunday with the result that the paper's editor Peter Wright received the, errr, prestigious Press Plagiarist of the Year Award.

Coincidentally this year PC Copperfield has a book out, Wasting Police Time, which has a glowing tribute on the back page from the Mail on Sunday. The book spills the beans on the bureaucratic burden on frontline police. Like the blog it is the story, written with some humour, of an ordinary bobby quietly waging war on crime... when he’s not drowning in a sea of paperwork, government initiatives and bogus targets. So what did Tony McNulty MP and Minister of State for Policing have to say about the book?

This snippet is from yesterday's Hansard:

Damian Green (Ashford) (Con): The Minister seems to ignore the reality of what happens with our police. A few weeks ago I was doing what Members in all parts of the House do—accompanying a police patrol on a Friday night. The police were confronted by an abusive and potentially violent young man. After they had settled the incident, I asked them why they had not arrested the young man, as they certainly could have done. They said that if they had arrested him, it would have taken the whole three-person patrol out of action for three hours—the crucial period for patrolling the town centre. Is the Minister not worried that about the fact that after nine years of government by his party, the police are afraid to use their arresting powers because if they do they will be prevented from doing their real job of protecting the public?

Mr. McNulty: With respect, they are prevented in part from implementing legislation passed by this Government in the teeth of opposition from the hon. Gentleman and his hon. Friends. Of course we need the balance between paperwork and bureaucracy, and proper policing. Along with ACPO and the Police Federation, we are trying to ensure that that balance is maintained and to enhance the modernization that has already taken place. However, the hon. Gentleman is living in cloud-cuckoo-land if he thinks that that is all that happens in policing—and I would not believe “PC David Copperfield” either, because that is more of a fiction than Dickens.

Like with David Kelly, New Labour smears it critics brutally. As anyone who reads the blog (and now the book) will know, PC David Copperfield is an honest copper not a fantasist. McNulty on the other hand is an authentic New Labour piece of work, an on-message, perpetual spin machine who lies without compunction or hesitation.

They Thought It Was All Over

Nigel Griffiths, Labour's deputy-leader of the house, told us the police had completed their investigation and found no evidence to satisfy the CPS, The Observer's Mark Townsend told us it would be all over by last week. Tonight we learn that the police questioned Michael Howard. Clearly the investigation is still very much underway and on its way ultimately to the door of No. 10.

So Mark, about that £20 you bet Guido...

The Truth Is Out There : Tell It!

Bashing and exposing politicians, lying lobbyists, sleazy spin-merchants, sell-out wonk-whores and their tame media mouthpieces requires information. You make this blog happen. Sources are anonymous (unless you want credit). Who is to blame really? If it is your boss, you know. If you know "the line" is a lie, ask yourself why you got into politics; was it to cover up the truth or tell it?

Subscribe to Guido's RSS feed :

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(If you haven't got Skype, download it free here.)

Guido relies on you for information.

Voicemail : 0709 284 0531
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Email : guido.fawkes@Order-Order.com

Conservative Movement Awards :Cornerstone Consternation

ConservativeHome.Com's Tim Montgomerie has come up with the idea for a Conservative Movement Awards ceremony to be held on November 13 in London. George Osborne is to be the keynote speaker at the event.

Even on ConservativeHome itself there is some disquiet about some of the suggested recipients - MigrationWatch and Cornerstone in particular.

Eyebrows would be raised in particular if Cornerstone did win the "One to Watch" Award ahead of the widely supported Taxpayer's Alliance. The credibility of the award if Cornerstone won would be in question. The group is popularly known as "Tombstone" and is considered to be the organised last gasp of the of the anti-modernisers with little support across the Conservative party.

Some months ago Tim Montgomerie privately offered to redesign and manage the Tombstone website for free to make it much more user-friendly and attractive. As it stands the paleo-Conservatives still have a terribly old-fashioned looking website. Tim and his deputy Sam Coates have attended Cornerstone steering committee meetings - indeed it was Tim who suggested that they rename the new website www.ToryCornerstone.com. It would look very odd if one website run by Tim awarded another website run by Tim a prize.

CCHQ Awayday Songbook

On Friday CCHQ is de-camping en masse to Oxford United Football Club stadium for the day. The coach leaves at 8.15, which will be frightfully early for the boys and girls. Dress for the day is "smart(ish) casual".

According to an email from Francis Maude "This is for everyone who works in CCHQ or in the field. I am also inviting members of the Party Board and Regional Chairmen, who comprise the voluntary party's Strategy Team that Don Porter set up earlier in the year. David Cameron is attending part of the day. You should all regard this away day as a 3 line whip."

A two hour coach trip? The boys and girls will need some uplifting songs to sing if they want to have a jolly time. Can you help?

Post your song lyrics (and the tune to which they should be sung) in the comments. Be nice(ish).

Friday Caption Contest

You Read it Between the Lines Here First

It seems that "high-flying Labour Minister Ivan Lewis has shocked his political colleagues by leaving his wife of 16 years and their two children for a married councillor in his constituency."

Well Guido did hint in June...

++ CLAIRE SHORT HAS RESIGNED THE LABOUR WHIP ++

UPDATE : Sky called to ask Guido to point out they had the story before Guido. Do they do that usually?

Observer Journo to Pay Up

Mark Townsend wrote a story saying that the Loans for Lordships investigation would be over this week. Guido called him to collect on his bet that it wouldn't be finished. He said he had to check. Bless.

The police have yet to submit their third evidence submission to the CPS. It ain't over yet...

George Bathurst is Determined to Get Prescott

George Bathurst is like a Canadian Mountie, when the Met Police wriggled out of investigating Prezza for corruption on the grounds that the bribes inducements were received in America, he made a complaint under the The Foreign Corrupt Practices Act to the US Department of Justice.

Under the Act gifts of anything of value must not be given to:

(1) any foreign official for purposes of--

(A) (i) influencing any act or decision of such foreign official in his official capacity, (ii) inducing such foreign official to do or omit to do any act in violation of the lawful duty of such official, or (iii) securing any improper advantage; or

(B) inducing such foreign official to use his influence with a foreign government or instrumentality thereof to affect or influence any act or decision of such government or instrumentality,

in order to assist in obtaining or retaining business for or with, or directing business to, any person;

(2) any foreign political party or official thereof or any candidate for foreign political office for purposes of--

(A) (i) influencing any act or decision of such party, official, or candidate in its or his official capacity, (ii) inducing such party, official, or candidate to do or omit to do an act in violation of the lawful duty of such party, official, or candidate, or (iii) securing any improper advantage; or

(B) inducing such party, official, or candidate to use its or his influence with a foreign government or instrumentality thereof to affect or influence any act or decision of such government or instrumentality.

in order to assist in obtaining or retaining business for or with, or directing business to, any person; or

(3) any person, while knowing that all or a portion of such money or thing of value will be offered, given, or promised, directly or indirectly, to any foreign official, to any foreign political party or official thereof, or to any candidate for foreign political office, for purposes of--

(A) (i) influencing any act or decision of such foreign official, political party, party official, or candidate in his or its official capacity, (ii) inducing such foreign official, political party, party official, or candidate to do or omit to do any act in violation of the lawful duty of such foreign official, political party, party official, or candidate, or (iii) securing any improper advantage; or

(B) inducing such foreign official, political party, party official, or candidate to use his or its influence with a foreign government or instrumentality thereof to affect or influence any act or decision of such government or instrumentality,

in order to assist in obtaining or retaining business for or with, or directing business to, any person.

Prezza has admitted that they didn't just talk about Wilberforce and ranching when he enjoyed the billionaire's lavish hospitality - they talked about the Super-Casino issue - which could spell trouble for Mr Anschutz...

The End for the Endogenator?

The deputy-chancellor Ed Balls has, despite mounting a legal challenge, seen his seat wiped out by boundary changes. Is this the end for the endogenator? The Liberati have an idea to help him get round the lost seat problem. He implausibly claims that: "This is a real disappointment for local people across our district."

Still it will give him even more time to webmong about the place surfing political websites, like he did yesterday, when he amazingly discovered the advance publication of the Tory Tax Commission's report. He'll be posting on this blog next, like Dave Miliband does, maybe he does already?

Ralph Harris R.I.P.

The ASI blog reports that Ralph Harris (Lord Harris of High Cross) died of a suspected heart attack at 8 a.m. this morning.

Are They On Drugs?

Dave's HowGreenIsYourCar.co.uk v HowTrippyIsYourShroom.co.uk

Hat-tip : JamieD

You Read It Here First

As reported here yesterday, it is official today:

"Madeleine Bunting has decided to resign as Director of Demos. Since it has emerged that her vision for Demos is incompatible with that of the trustees."

She was appointed 4^th September 2006 and resigned today (19^th October). Demos wonks should feel free to Email Guido anonymously with gems from her 45 day reign of madness.

Hello Nigel, Guido Calling

Guido has been trying to get an explanation from Nigel Griffiths into how he knew, and told the BBC, that the CPS had finished their investigation into Loans for Lordships amd "decided there was no evidence to proceed". The CPS and Scotland Yard were not in agreement.

The Scotsman is now also on the case. As yet none of us have managed to get any follow up comment from him. It is not simply a case of "no comment" - no one has answered his office phone for three days. Where are they?