Osborne in Tokyo Playing on the Trains

George Osborne wants the private sector to build a Japanese-style 360mph "maglev" railway. "There are plenty of links I can think of - a link between Liverpool and Manchester, or Glasgow and Edinburgh, or London and its airports - which would bring huge benefits to Britain." He plans to make it viable by taxing all other forms of transport to the point of bankruptcy.

George is in Japan and will ride the magnetic levitation train tomorrow. Not the first time he will have got high on a long line methinks.

Hat-tip : Kinnerly [sort of]

Greenwich Watch

It is getting a bit murky ain't it? Like Vegas in the early days, crooks and crooked politicians always seem to meet in casinos...

Eh? Guardian Nice About Guido?Says Co-Conspirators Are "Influential Elite"

Roy Greenslade has a long delayed Guardian piece today. He describes Guido's co-conspirator readers thus:

"What counts is the fact that his regular audience is drawn almost entirely from a small, but influential, elite."

Guido is:

"the bastard lovechild of (former Sun editor) Kelvin MacKenzie and (rock gossip website) Popbitch".

Pop!

Sour Grapefruit for Breakfast

The Tory Candidates Association is hosting a not very inclusive Female Candidates Breakfast at the party conference. It will be held on Monday 2nd, October at the Highcliffe Hotel, Bournemouth, from 7.30am - 9.30am.

Some members of the Candidates Association feel that having paid their dues it is a little bit irritating to be excluded so they have organised a rival event:

Headline Hints of Hangovers

Sharper readers of the dead-tree-press will realise that headlines like "Kennedy 'must recover' before return" and "Sir Menzies Campbell made clear that he would be welcome but only once he is 'fully recovered' " don't make sense if he is now sober.

The press is being kind and nobody is openly saying that Charlie is not a full-time passenger on the wagon. Far be it from Guido to claim any high moral ground here, in fact the prospect of finishing a bottle of Port with Charlie after lunch sounds like a fun Friday afternoon, but nobody is suggesting Guido is a potential PM-in-waiting.

To be fair, when asked on television recently when it was he last had a drink Kennedy avoided answering the question. Guido knows that he has been the worse for wear as recently as June. A trusted co-conspirator was surprised to see Kennedy coming in the office door in Portcullis House in late June, when he appeared to be the worse for drink and confused about which door led to his office. This was at four in the afternoon.

FSA Meeting Today September 28th

Guido understands that the FSA's Directors meet today September 28th, Unity Trust Bank is low on the agenda. Off the record briefing line from the FSA is "everything is fine, don't believe what you read on the internet."

FSA chairman Sir Callum McCarthy is no fool and is politically attuned having worked for both Roy Hattersly and Norman Tebbit in his time. He even proudly displays in his office a large picture of him and Blair grinning at each other. Nevertheless he will no doubt make sure somebody checks the numbers...

Previous stories.

Ben Back Blogging

Ben Brogan, the Daily Mail political editor is new to blogging and the Press Gazette has noticed [Gone fishin'? Certainly not gone bloggin']

Ben Brogan, political editor of the Daily Mail, hasn't quite got the hang of the latest craze at Westminster for setting up your own blog.

The best political bloggers — such as wannabe Tory MP Iain Dale and the mischievous Guido Fawkes — have updated their sites daily, even hourly, throughout the summer.

But Brogan is now finally back blogging after a month-long hiatus after last posting on 26 July. Curiously, he chose his last entry before his long break to write about MPs' lengthy 76-day holiday in a piece entitled Gone Fishin'.

Perhaps Brogan should take a leaf out of Sky News political editor Adam Boulton's book. He takes his blog so seriously that he was even updating it from his paradise island honeymoon with Tony Blair's exgatekeeper Anji Hunter.

Harder than you thought Ben? When you leave the blog it dies, that is why you have no traffic or comments...

Bloggers like Iain and Greenwhich.watch have scored a bullseye during silly season with the ongoing AEG/Dome/Prescott sleaze. Iain recently rather sniffily remarked to Guido "I see you are so short of gossip you have resorted to doing politics..."

Sir Alfred Sherman R.I.P.

A young Guido was a friend of Gideon Sherman, as a result Guido would often be around the Sherman house. His father Sir Alfred always rendered Guido tongue-tied, he was right on so many issues and spectacularly wrong on others. He was great fun to hear when he was going full throttle.

After doing an economic analysis of British Rail Sherman concluded that the best thing to do would be to tarmac over the railways and turn them into private autobahns. Mrs Thatcher found it a teensy bit too radical. Unacceptable politically, but practical and right because it would have saved billions in subsidies. Guido has never understood how heavy energy inefficient heavy trains are more green than modern buses.

A Soiled Story

Wonder if Hurst's biography of Charlie Kennedy now being serialised in the Times will tell the tale of the time Charlie was discovered passed out one morning in his office. This was not a rare event, but on this particular occasion there was a terrible smell in the room besides the alcohol fumes. Charlie had shat himself.

Cherie's Very Much Unwanted Cast-Offs

News reached Guido that Cherie's unwanted cast-off outfit failed to attract any bids on ebay despite the signed photo thrown in. Remarking to Mrs Fawkes that she might have been a buyer (it being dark lawyers clothing) she responded aggressively:

"Are you saying my bum is big?"

Levy is in London

A Guido co-conspirator emails to tell that on Wednesday he passed Lord Levy in London near King's Cross on his way to his fire damaged Marylebone Street office saying into his mobile "I know! When I saw it, I said 'What the fuck is that?'"

Cowboy's Son Cause Problems for Geronimo

Geronimo specialises in working for public sector clients. Our knowledge and understanding of this sector is current, sophisticated and undiluted. We appreciate that the sector must display openness, transparency, accountability and evaluation, and we ensure we work in this way.

David Prescott admits he got a Commons pass to do 'media monitoring' work for his father during the three weeks Prezza was supposed to be running the country. He says he handed back the pass to Commons officials last Thursday. David says "I took time off from work to assist John Prescott in monitoring the media." The whole family are liars. The DPM has press officers and SpAds with nothing better to do than play croquet. It stinks, since David Prescott is a spin-merchant for a public sector specialist lobbying firm that has grown fat on the backs of taxpayers. Lobbyists are the last people who should be given commons passes.

Hat-tip : Mail on Sunday

Euan Out of Hospital, Back to Normal

Get Your Sleazy Sweepstake Gamecards Ready

Guido hears that "friends" of Ruth Turner are claiming "it wasn't me guv". Wouldn't it be fun if the PM has to do the perp walk. Downing Street is determined that the police should just drop by for a cup of tea and biscuit accompanied by the full Blair charm. The police think a statement under caution more appropiate in the circumstances. Don't forget who did the negotiating directly with Lord Drayson...

If you have not already got one, email Guido for a PDF file to print out, then cut out and play Sleazy Sweepstakes in your office (Peerages not included.)

Unity Trust Bank Scandal "Loans for Favours"

George Trefgarne on the City pages of the Daily Mail is on the trail of the UTB scandal. [Not online]. He draws attention to the fact that 12 out of 17 directors have resigned in the last two years. Hardly evidence of good corporate governance.The article refers to the £6 million sale of the Labour HQ to help repay £2m to UTB due at the end of last month. Guido understands that there was, after paying off the mortgage to the Co-Op Bank, only £500,000 or so in equity left over. Not even enough to meet this month's wage bill. Guido suspects that the loan was rolled over on UTB's books. That the Labour party is making 1 in 5 employees redundant tells you all you need to know. Guido can confirm that UTB has been obliged to report to the FSA monthly as to the status of the Labour party loan.

The Warwick agreement should not be part of the bank's qualifying credit criteria considered by the UTB's Risk Review committee. UTB's board, politically connected as it is, is largely inexperienced in the ways of banking. "Loans for favours" to the unions are the only reason why this union-controlled bank has risked lending so much to the financially troubled Labour party - when no commercial bank would do. Neither the Labour party nor Unity Trust Bank will comment.

Euan is Unwell

What kind of drunken example is he setting? Hospital is for sissys.

Bored with Guido's Traffic Boasting?

All that "look, Guido is the #1 blog" stuff has now been sub-contracted to an advertising agency. For the many of you will miss those monthly boasts about Guido's exponential traffic growth, bookmark www.MessageSpace.co.uk/blog.

They also have a whirling website saying who else they represent: www.MessageSpace.co.uk.

The adverts will start running next month...

No Comment

Nobody has been available in the press office for two days. Guido knows it is a union bank so they must have done all their 35 hours Monday to Wednesday. Did manage to speak to Paul Woodcock. Don't know what he does, he wouldn't say.

GF I'd like to speak to someone about your large exposures reporting to the FSA.
PW We can't comment on customer's borrowing.
GF I don't want to discuss individual customers.
PW We can't comment on customer's borrowing.
GF Yes, so you said.
PW We can't comment on customer's borrowing.
GF Your tape is jammed.
PW I'm sorry.
GF What is your job title?
PW We can't comment on customer's borrowing.
GF OK, can you tell me your job title?
PW I can't comment.
GF How do I know you are not some Friday afternoon drunk receptionist?
PW I can't comment.

Welcome Back Tony

Guido has missed you.

Unity Trust Bank - "FSA Monitoring the Situation"

Officially the FSA is making no comment. Unofficially they are watching the situation closely. The FSA rules require that banks make a Large Exposures Policy Statement:

"The policy in the statement must be such that it covers how the bank controls its exposures to ensure compliance with its large exposure limits, and the reporting to the FSA of its large exposures."

Guido wonders how UTB's policy statement must read. Guido imagines it is something like "We decided to risk lending a quarter of our shareholder capital to one borrower after the borrower's chief fundraiser was arrested, their income collapsed and their unpopular CEO himself became the target of a police investigation into the illegal sale of honours for cash. We were reassured of the wisdom of this lending when they made their remaining and so far un-arrested fundraisers redundant. We'll let you know if they arrest any more of our borrower's employees."

The FSA has strict rules about banks risking significant chunks of their capital base to a single debtor. The rulebook states:

A bank should maintain an additional capital requirement to reflect the additional risks arising from concentration of credit exposures.

The capital base is made up of share capital and premium, retained earnings and bonds. Guido has got his calculator out and reckons UTB has a capital base of around £35 million - somewhat more than the £16 million of equity capital. The rule book requires quarterly reporting to the FSA of individual exposures in excess of 10% of the Bank's capital base. The last reported Labour party debt to the UTB was £4 million, more than the 10% reporting level before even counting additional capital requirement.

Guido wonders about the decision-making process governing this loan. In many countries this transaction would be illegal, concentrating so much risk with one borrower is bad because if that borrower fails it could pull the bank under. It certainly should worry charity trustees who as clients of the bank have a duty to consider such risks. The FSA classes charities as "vulnerable clients" and is obliged to take special care in such cases.

The bank's internal Risk Review and Audit committees should, if procedure has been followed properly, have reviewed the risks. Internally independent appraisal of the risk management is the responsibility of Internal Audit, externally the ultimate holding organisation, Co-operative Group (CWS) Limited, through the Co-operative Group Audit & Risk Committee has responsibility. Awkwardly the Co-Op themselves have a significant exposure (£13.5m) to the risk of the Labour Party defaulting. They have appointed KPMG to carry out the audit.

If this loan has been made under political pressure from a desperate Labour party rather than in accordance with the proper commerical procedures it raises serious questions. Any potential whistleblowers* who believe that UTB has failed to follow procedure will be protected by policies designed to encourage reporting of serious malpractice.
*Guido's server records show he gained new readers from the FSA and the Bank of England yesterday. Totty fans obviously...

Liberal Democrat Blog of the Year

Liberal Democrat blog of the year: make your nomination. Guido could have been a contender but they refused his membership application.

Guido's favourites? Suz's blog, without a doubt. The pink has it...

Unions Launder Support Via Unity Trust BankBut Isn't Labour a Bad Credit Risk?

Labour is in dire financial trouble, if it were a business the lawyers would be warning the directors that they were in danger of trading whilst insolvent. In that situation directors become personally liable for a company’s debts, risking the confiscation of director’s assets and criminal prosecution for failing to observe a director’s fiduciary duty. In this time of desperate need they have sought bank financing, primarily from the Cooperative Bank and Unity Trust Bank. The financially strong Co-Op has of course a long history of supporting the Labour party and also owns 26.66% of the small Unity Trust Bank. The remaining 73.23% of the total equity capital of Unity Trust Bank plc is owned by the trade unions and they control the bank's board*. Total equity capital at 31 December 2005 was £16,429,301.

A £4 million pound loan is therefore quite a large risk for a small operation like Unity to make to a near insolvent organisation like Labour. It represents nearly a quarter of shareholders funds in the event of a default. That is not sound business practise. Guido has a few questions for Ian Morrison, Director of Credit Risk & Compliance at Unity:

• What security has he obtained for the trade union members and charities who have their funds at risk?
• Has a third-party guaranteed the loan? If so, who?
• Are they comfortably within the guidelines for capital adequacy? If so, by what margin?
• How does he evaluate the enterprise risk of such a relatively large** and risky loan?

Guido is having some difficulty getting a response from Unity.

How the workers pay for Cherie's haircuts:*Important in this context that we recall how the government gave the unions a new back door subsidy of £11 million.
**£4 million is more than UTB's total after tax profits for 2005.

Leave Them Kids Alone

Does anyone else find it spooky that they are fingerprinting innocent kids in British schools? Even more spooky is the fact that it is VeriCool which runs the fingerprint registration systems in 22 UK schools. Part of Anteon, a division of the massive defence contractor General Dynamics, Anteon also has the contract to run courses on interrogation and counter-intelligence at Fort Huachuca in Arizona, headquarters of the US Army Intelligence Center where they train interrogators for Guantanamo Bay. Nice.

See www.leavethemkidsalone.com.

The Minister for Fitness

Caroline Flint is well known and admired by many, especially when throwing a few shapes on the dance-floor as at last year's Labour party conference. She does have a nice smile.

She hopes to transform the public into a fitter and more active nation in the run-up to the 2012 Olympics. She says "The biggest gains to health and to the economy will be made by encouraging more physical activity among groups of people who don't normally do any." Quite, and she need only look to the tubbies in the government to start with, Fatty Clarke is gone, but Reid and Prezza remain as cabinet heavyweights. Gordon Brown is no lightweight either

If Prezza did some exercise beyond occasionally swinging a croquet mallet and giving secretaries dictation he might not feel so impotent.

Is Blair on the Run?

Guido understands that Yates of the Yard is indeed interested in speaking to the PM.

The PM is of course a very busy man, working on his tan in Barbados. The PMS was characteristically evasive with the Lobby at the last briefing as to when Tony would be back from his hols. There was however a hint that he will be off to save the Middle East when he returns. So the question on Guido's mind - Is Blair on the Run?

He doesn't even have time to iron his shirts nowadays.

Incidentally, there is a rumour going around that Tony will give a strong hint as to his exit timetable in his speech to the Lord Sainsbury-funded Progress gang of Blairite holdouts at their annual conference on September 9th. Guido isn't betting on an early exit.

Winning Wedge Issue

Browsing Labourhome it seems clear that Labour activists have not got a clue just how out of touch they are from voters on Right-to-Buy, or as Dave has renamed and revamped it, Rent-to-Mortgage.

The Labourhomies attack it for ideological reasons, they despise the policy as nasty and Thatcherite. Extending home ownership has been a central tenet of Tory belief since the time of Macmillan, especially since a property owning democracy favours them politically, giving people a capital asset, bolstering independence and enhancing social mobility. State provided housing favours Labour politically, helps keep voters tethered to the public sector, increases dependency and inhibits social mobility. Labour activists think of council estates as helping those in need, Tories see them as keeping people in need.It is a fantastic wedge issue. Labour activists talk about RTB/RTM in terms like "selling off the housing stock" and "reducing the supply of social housing", voting council tenants see it as moving up, owning their own home and getting a start on the property ladder. If council tenants under the new scheme can buy their homes at a good discounts to market value because of the length of time spent renting, the scheme will be a vote winner. Labour activists don't seem to understand there are no votes in keeping people trapped renting in the public sector.

New Labour strategists will be triangulating carefully, weighing further upsetting the activists versus thwarting the aspirational strivers known in New Labourspeak as "decent hard working families"?

"Make Britain Fairer"

Not the BNP's slogan, the LibDem conference slogan. Brilliant. Ed, Guido's offer to help is still good.

Totty Report : Barbados

Guido passes no judgement, many a time his ribs have been bruised by Mrs Fawkes as a result of admiring teenage girls in short skirts.

UPDATE : Blair has previous for this type of thing, a co-conspirator emails this revealing picture. Two summers ago, while on one of his regular freebies to Tuscany as the guest of Prince Girolamo Guicciardino Strozzi, he accepted an invitation to lunch at a nearby villa owned by some rich Tories. After a few glasses of Chianti Classico, he was only too happy to pose for pictures with his fellow guests, heiresses Marina and Rose Hanbury. No wonder he is smiling, you would, wouldn't you?

Guido is beginning to see a pattern here; he is on holiday, spots a young, skimpily dressed, bronzed nubile girl and it is "do you want to be in my picture?"

Stick to Shooting Brazilian Electricians

Mrs Fawkes has just emailed this bit of nonsense from London's Police Commissioner Ian Blair. He reckons "People are opening their doors, leaving their doors open now, or leaving them unlocked, certainly, in a way they haven't done for 25 years."

What? This year Guido has had three scooters stolen, Mrs Fawkes has had her car broken into and one night someone tried to climb in through the first floor window where she was sat on the sofa watching Big Brother.

Oh, almost forgot, Guido's cycle that replaced the last scooter and so amused readers was nicked last week. Guido got into a fight with the thieving chav kids and despite three CCTV cameras overlooking the scene the police have not got back to me. Maybe if we leave the front door open they will brink it back?

Billion Pound Coincidence

The PFIing of the NHS is always interesting. Look where a billion* quid is going:

• £711 million to Leicester, the constituency of Patricia Hewitt, Secretary of State for Health
• £272 million to Staffordshire, the constituency of Charlotte Atkins, the Health Select Committee member

*£983,000,000 is not such a good headline.

Prezza Sings...

This was unearthed by the Mail on Sunday. He wasn't bad looking in his day, you can see why he was popular with so many women...

J Prescott Jnr has managed to make some money out of regeneration projects (the minister formerly responsible for regeneration being J Prescott Snr). The Tories are reported to want an inquiry into Prescott Jnr's company - Estate Partnerships - where they smell another Prezza scandal. This is not to be confused with English Partnerships, where so far nobody has found a scandal.

What is Byers Up To?

Is it really an attempt to embarrass Brown? Has he suddenly become a believer in the benefits of inherited wealth trickling down the generations? Answers in the comments please.

Guido Gets a Blogroll Button

Guido co-conspirator and web-designer Mike Rouse of Bluetorch Solutions has unexpectedly sent in a blog button. Cute if you like that sort of thing for your blogroll. Mike did one for Iain Dale and Guido never likes to be outdone by him...

So in return, here is a plug for Mike, go to Bluetorch Solutions if you want a website done cheaply. Wonder if his trading name will change if the Tories switch to an oak tree?

Ruth Kelly Caught Out Lying

Blairites are determined to deny any link between the increasingly unhappy British Muslim population and the continued presence of British forces in Iraq and Afghanistan. As part of her mission to take on extremists, Ruth Kelly chaired a roundtable seminar with Muslims. She later denied in an interview that anyone attending had made the link between the war and radicalisation.

Some of those who had attended the seminar she chaired were in the Today studio this morning and they claimed that she had heard from them exactly the opposite, listen here.

Ruth needs to confess and do penance methinks.

The War on Terror v The Open Society

Reading the papers today it seems to Guido that the terrorists are winning, freedom is being curtailed, civil liberties dismissed and the state is monitoring us ever more closely. The government wants compulsory biometric ID cards, our cities have CCTV surveillance watching everywhere and thousands of innocent children have their DNA stored on a government database. Thousands more have been arrested on suspicion under anti-terror laws with few charged.

Depressingly most people support even more authoritarian policies including extending detention without trial, softened into compliance as day after day the news media and the government project the sense of a nation under continuous attack.

During these days of heightened terror alerts it is probably not popular to recommend reading Karl Popper's The Open Society and Its Enemies, but it is certainly the right time to remember what we are fighting to defend.

Free and open societies respect civil liberties even when under attack or they cease to be open societies.

Orange Hypocrisy Prize for Literature

Guess which corporation sponsored the respected anti-censorship campaigners Index on Censorship?

"Orange and Index on Censorship have linked up to create an innovative partnership designed to stimulate debate on social and political issues" The first Orange Index Debate at the University of London was on the subject "Does a civilised society need censorship?"

The Orange Index Debates formed part of a wider partnership between Orange and Index on Censorship, which included in-depth research about issues relating to censorship and freedom of speech and led to Index on Censorship publishing "The A-Z of Free Expression". Denise Lewis, Orange Group Director of Corporate Affairs, said at the time: "Orange Index Debates is the first Orange initiative to extend its literary portfolio into student environments, building on Orange's longstanding commitment to encouraging debate and providing a platform for people to communicate and share their passions." Obviously that commitment to literature, debate and the fight against censorship does not extend to staff writing on Tory blogs...

Guido has been unable to get anyone at Index on Censorship to comment.

Hat-tip : Peter Noorlander

MPAC Funda-Mentalism

ConservativeHome's Sam Coates was on the BBC's Asian Network with an MPAC Islamo-fascist apologist yesterday discussing the Inigo/Orange situation. The MPAC advocate completely loses it, accusing everyone of being pro-Israeli. In itself that was quite revealing.

Listen here [click on Thursday and fast forward 65 mins].

Picture of Mr & Mrs Fawkes Enjoying Anniversary Dinner*

Guido had arranged to go out for a drink last night and mentioned it to Mrs Fawkes yesterday morning.
Mrs Fawkes "Oh really? What day is it?"
GF "Thursday"
Mrs F "THE DATE!?" followed by sound of penny dropping.
We went to Dans Le Noir the restaurant where you are served by blind waiters in pitch blackness. Not darkness, total pitch black. Well worth the experience and the food was good. Have the surprise menu.
*Yes I know it is not political tittle tattle. It is silly season and things are a bit thin.

Contract Work

Co-conspirator JustMe emails:

I'm sat in my office in PCH and there has just been a knock on the door from a very old lady saying she is here to clean the members phones... she is not meant to clean any other phones, just the members one as that is what the contract is to do!

Seems rather a waste of money especially as we have cleaners in here every day! In fact it seems bloody ridiculous.

Perhaps she was undercover from the News of the Screws?