A Candle in the Wind
As a disbelieving country comes to terms with its grief that the Labour Party might be going bankrupt, Your Servant Catesby, Esq can only repeat the statement he gave to the assembled press corps on the steps outside Catesby Hall:
"We are today a nation in a state of shock, in mourning, in grief that is so deeply painful for us. (Gulp) It was the People's Party. (Pause. Stare into middle distance.) It was a wonderful and a warm human party, although often sadly touched by tragedy. (Extract onion from pocket, wipe tears from eye). It touched the wallets of so many others in Britain and throughout the world with .... etc etc."
It's lucky that Labour are in hock to the Co-Op, because they arrange cheap funerals, don't they? Sir Elton John will be performing a specially re-written version of the "Red Flag" in St Paul's Cathedral (creditors permitting).
What Labour could do with now is a new leader with experience of handling dodgy accounting, escalating expenditure in excess of income, a pensions black hole, debt being deferred into the future to a point where it cannot be paid off and an underperforming front-line.
Catesby, Esq
47 comments:
Step forward, Gary Glitter !
But, in the distance is the sound of trumpets and drums and pipes, why tis rescue.
The tattered remnants of Force Blair, and the 1st/4th NuLab Regiment gather their wounded, bandaged and weary bodies and face up to the marauding hordes of the electorate once again and shoulder their arms and look the enemy in the eye and shout their hurrahs....why tis General Hayden with the Treasury cheque book, were saved boys, solvency, liquidity, cashflow, money in the bank, credit cards all round and no more UB40's, champagne all round.
The enemy is routed, now counter-attack and lets find their leader, that nasty little man Yates and lets do for 'im.
Hurrah and turkey and ham sarnies all round, with a side order of Peerages for the loyal and true.
Amen.
Or Carol Vorderderman. She seems awfully goo at these debt things.
They've been ideologically and morally bankrupt for years.
penfold - bang on the money ! couldn't agree with you more. do we seriously envisage that a country that spends substantially more than the parties' combined overdraft EACH DAY in Iraq is not going to find a way to siphon some of that cash into propping up the regime?
If they are going to get in so much bother for even trying to obey the letter [if not the spirit ] of the law, why bother even trying to be honest ?
And the irony is that the Tories have a vested interest in going along with a solution, if not in the short term, certainly in the long term. And it won't even be fair, as one party will still try and get the edge by using 'slush funds' towards a 'Swift Vets for Truth' style 'non'political campaigns.
As they say in Wales, you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb...
great work penfold ! but don't you think El Gordo Broon will find a way to hide the cheque book until Teflon boy has done the decent thing and put himself out of our misery ?
And what is the betting that reductions in troop numbers in Iraq will spookily coincide with Broon getting in to No10.
Isn't co-incidence a funny thing...
anonymous 11:12am
Hangings too good for 'em.
How about cutting a hole in the Labour front bench and acquiring some rope? Though some of them might enjoy that a bit too much...
Carol Vorderman - 'awfully goo'? Gosh, Brian, I think we've just glimpsed your subconscious, mate.
So what if they go bust - f*ck 'em. Good riddance, I say.
Guido: Please send this overly verbose Catesby twat packing.
Catesby sucks. I no longer visit evryday.
I reckon Catesby is Guido in disguise: it's an Arabian Nights @oh, I wonder what the people think of me' kind of gig. He's amongst us. Or Catesby really is his bitch.
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Catesby, does Guido shrink your posts in the hope that no one wil see them?
How can labour continue to 'trade whilst insolvent' unless it has a realistic prospect of paying its debts
Another case for yates of the yard ?
"How can labour continue to 'trade whilst insolvent' unless it has a realistic prospect of paying its debts"
But it does of course; it's working hard to pay them with your tax income. So that's alright then!
p.s. Catesby is great imho.
I personally like catesby's style 'catesby is crap'.it's different to guido but it's still free,so go on,fuck off to the beeb website and get your moneysworth there.
onto the point.there begins to be an air of inevitab;litiy about state funding.the tories are broke,labour arte broke and the limp fuckwits are broke
which leaves the SNP,Plaid Cymru and assorted northern irish nutters to stand up for us.it's all over,trebles all round of rht elads at CCHQ
Does that bloke who runs Chelsea want a political party of his own?
Catesby is a real pussy....
Icarus, yes but he will ensure it is only populated top notch foreign politicians, maybe he can get Mandela to leave retirement and captain a front bench of Berlusconi, Clinton, getting a dodgy transfer of Sego and Sarko the french double-act over from their rival Paris clubs.
Thanks 12.11 anon. I really wanted a link to 'book craft demon devil picture witch'. No but really.
Oh yeah. catesby's pretty good.
please tell me that the existence of anon 12.11's post means that someone, somewhere is employed - as part of a marketing exercise - to post hundreds of links in the comment threads on blogs. That will make me feel so much better about the introduction of the minimum wage...
I like Catesby, makes a refreshing change from all that teenage testosterone totty twaddle from Guido.
Crackers Cracknell has lost his bus fare in a West End bar. Can the Labour Party spare a few quid so he can get home to see his dear old mum?
Comrades,
Surely you must have noticed that the party is being run like the country's economy. There's enough money in the pockets of the middle classes for both; it just needs redistribution.
Check out this leather doris on a Labour whip's website. Just wait until the wimmin get hold of him...
http://beehive.thisisscunthorpe.co.uk/default.asp?WCI=SiteHome&ID=3587&PageID=33314
SOS............
Save Our Seats
SOS............
Clare Short to the rescue.
Anon 12.11pm
I've think Dave may have inadvertantly posted as comment an early draft of the new party manifesto. Like very much the concept of the sponsored links - great fundraising tool.
Goodbye Tony Bliar
Though I never knew you at all
You had the front to prostitute yourself
While those around you fawned
They crawled out of the woodwork
And you whispered in their brain
You put the Party on a treadmill
And you made it change its name
And it seems to me you ran your Party
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing which lie to cling to
When the truth set in
And I would not have liked to have known you
Because you even lie to kids
Your integrity burned out long before
Your mandate ever did
Loneliness was profitable
The easiest role you ever played
The electorate created a egomaniac
And money was the price you got paid
Even when you were arrested
Oh the bloggers still hounded you
All the websites had to say
Was that Tony lied and lied until his face went blue
Goodbye Tony Blair
From the young man to a liar
Who sees you as something as less than honest
More than just our Tony Bliar
Are you the "real" Bryan Appleyard,
or are you an impostor?
javelin - could still be in time for the christmas number one - fab.
Catesby rocks.
'Swift Vets for Truth' was true. That's Kerrys (most unpopular politician in the US) problem.
Name another political candidate with his picture in the NVA museum?
"Like a candle in the wind" - unreliable
(gag courtesy of Garth Merengy)
Respec to Javelin.
Catesby wrote: Sir Elton John will be performing "Red Flag" ...
Elton shuffles to the front, approaches organ, goes down sweatily (on microphone) ...
The People’s Party’s in the red
Our funds are gone, our donors fled.
If selling dukedoms can’t be done,
We’re in the shit now, everyone.
Then raise a tax to clear our debt,
Within a month they’ll all forget.
Though bloggers rage and voters curse,
We’ll commandeer the public purse
Forgot this one ...
New Labour's books are deepest red,
It shrouded oft their lender's bread,
And ere their loans grew stiff and bold,
Their money dyed ermines ev'ry fold.
Then not raise the standards high.
Within its shade we'll duck and dive,
Though policemen flinch and bloggers sneer,
We'll keep the truth from flying here.
Thank you nic drew
I now have the image of elton john sweatily going down on an organ seared into my mind.
I bet Gordon brownhat would love that
'
I like Catesby
Your obedient servant etc
G E
Catesby Esq
I listened to your oration and I distinctly saw a full quiver of the lower lip concommitant with the tear(s) of grief rolling down your puffy cheeks. I gulped you gulped we all gulped at this terrible news.
Yours etc
Dr Crackers In Mourning Not
One down, two to go...
Can some kind soul please post a link to Catesby's blog?
I loved the various NuLab renderings of "The Red Flag", not to mention javelin's excellent mick-take on "Candle in the Wind" - perhaps someone might suggest it to Bremner, Bird and Fortune.
Sorry. For http://thejabberwock.blogspot.com read http://thejabberwock.wordpress.com
A fair solution to the Labour Party's financial bankrptcy (the moral bankruptcy is insoluble) would be for each Labour MP to pledge a mere £100,000 to the Party funds, for the privilage of staying on the gravy train.
Ian
in hock to the Co-Op, because they arrange cheap funerals, don't they?
Cheap ? I don't know.............they are simply one of the very biggest funeral operators, and btw farmers, in this country. Then again I am convinced Cameron will be in merger talks with Labour - isn't it usual for two mangy dogs to mate ? At least in the corporate world it happens that way..............
I am convinced Cameron will be in merger talks with Labour : voyager
I think I've found the perfect quote.
People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices.
George Adam Smith
"Dont let your son go down on me",
Elton always sang
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/6157891.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cystic_fibrosis
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