Friday Caption Contest
Political Bloggers: the New Opposition? - Guardian
Labour Suicidally Corrupt - Peter Oborne
LibDems to Unilaterally Disclose Expenses - LibDem Voice
Tory MP Puts Mistress on the Payroll - Recess Monkey
Think Tank Round-Up - Cassilis
Deputy Mayor Denies Sex Scandal Claims - BBC
Rush Limbaugh Signs $400m Contract - Fox News
Scotland Yard Hand Hain File to CPS - BBC
Describe Brownism in Seven Words - Dave's Part
89 comments:
Bugger!!!
Now Mr Oaten, put your trousers back on. Theres a good lad.
Oaten in heaven as he contemplates life locked in a tiny room with two sex starved men and a bucket of piss and shit.
(it does look like him doesnt it?)
"Do I get to be abused in the shower?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
"Mr Oaten i appreciate you have to keep clean in the smaller....but six showers in a day is taking it too far"
"Mr Oaten i appreciate you have to keep clean in the slammer....but six showers in a day is taking it too far"
GUARD: The interior decorator will see you now, sir.
The copper's just said:
What's the difference between Mark Oaten and an aged cartographer, stricken low with a cripplingly bad nervous twitch in his hands, such that he is often prone to destroying the fruits of his earlier labour immediately on handling them?
One's a map cruncher...
A rare shot of Mark Oaten "doing his bird".
Oaten in the shit again.
Use the bucket, and we'll have no dirty protest in this cell.
Not to worry, we'll send Liam Fox in to keep you company soon.
Oaten looking forward to tonight "dirty" protest
Could someone take down my particulars again,please?
After having made a fortune from organising illegal raves and parting pensioners from their life savings with his dodgy hedge fund Fawkes sat there and wondered if things could get any worse.
Then he met his new cell mate oaten.
Guard: "You're my bitch now"
Oaten: "Yipee"
Thanks for the rest,officer!Ming told me I had to 'work off' the whole £2.4million
It was only a five draw...
Nick Bowes arrested again?
GUARD: Of course, normally we only arrest dogs for doing that...
Perhaps Prescott could stick his c#ck through the keyhole?
"Come along Mr. Oaten,... there's a good Sir.
The Young offenders prison is in the next street".
Meet your new cellmate, Bonney Eberndu...
'Due to the overcrowding crisis,we've had to put you in a woman's prison.''Oh Dear.'
'Look on the bright side!No one'll drug you to photograph you in a compromising position.'
[american accent]
"well shit on me!?"
[/american accent]
"Honest, officer, I am telling you the truth. I do have illegal and prohibited substances on me!"
'No dirty protests Oaten'
The Village People reform for a very special 'private' performance.
What do you mean there aren't enough spaces to let me stay the night?
Pc Wayne Bell was ordered to resign for making monkey noises at a suspect in custody at Plumstead police.
Daily Mail
Last updated at 12:29pm on 27th October 2006
"Now do come along Mr. Oaten. Please be a good Sir.
This is a place for muggers, murderers and rapists along with the rest of Britain's filth.
We most certainly don't cater for your tastes in here!"
GUARD: If you do a crap, wrap it in a sock and chuck it out the window.
OATEN: And waste good crap?
GUARD: You look down in the dumps.
OATEN: No, up at them.
At least there's no chance of him going on hunger strike.
GUARD: How come you never have to slop out?
Look what a mess you've made...
"I expect that table to be spotless when I get back or this is the last time I wear the uniform for you, Oaty"
Copper:
"You sick little bastard..."
"I know you're a Lib Dem, Sir, but don't you think that was taking recycling just a bit too far?"
Sir, your KFC delivery is here.
Copper: "Oi, baldy! We're just going out on patrol. Who would you prefer us to bring back for you, Pete Docherty or George Michael?"
Police: "I'm told you like being in the can."
its an Irish prison and the Gardai is saying
"you're the turd burglar we've had in this week"
'Don't worry, sir. Grandpa Ming is in the cell next door, and his doesn't work either.'
I am truely sorry for all the offence and for all the bad shit jokes of which I am the cause
Oaten: "No. Coprophilia doesn't mean a love of policemen."
"I'm sure you'll find the prison food to your taste"
"Mark, my word, have you been mouthing obscenities again?"
"I've heard of verbal diarrhoea but this is ridiculous"
See! these are really shitty jokes!
Welcome to Her Majesty's Pleasure, Mr Oaten. Hope you don't mind a spot of overcrowding?
GUARD: Sorry to have got your hopes up Mark, but when I said the food in prison was shit, that wasn't what I meant...
"Should I shite on your head first thing in the morning or will a normal alarm be sufficient?"
"Have a vidaloo tonight please and make mine an early call."
Mark: "When someone said i should be banged up, I naturally thought they would take me to a club in soho not some hole."
Officer: "Now bend over and cough"
Guido, referring to your previous post - is Mark part of the crack team that you're putting together to help the Grauniad out?
Guard: Been on any trains in the south east recently?
Look Mark, I can't keep arranging this for you, my superiors have started to ask questions. An extra £50? Well, I’ll see what I can do.
We had your friend Tony is this morning. That guy can sweat.
Guard: I said NO MORE SOAP. You've dropped six bars today already.
Cheer up Mark. Good tele tonight. They're doing a revival of New Faeces.
Oi Mark. Not being funny, but have you ever met anyone who's won a Guido competition?
Don't I get the fag before being 'banged up'?
Police Officer: Any more trouble from you and we'll make you dance at the King's pleasure.
Oaty: Ooooh, yes PLEASE, officer!
Oaten said:
BOY, HOW MUCH IS THE RENT
"Mr Oaten this is solitary confinment."
I can see the future!!!
http://www.thisishampshire.net/news/hampshirechroniclenews/display.var.965899.0.mp_chips_in_at_mcdonalds.php
http://www.thisishampshire.net/_images/db/31/16/ldoatenpetition_3819004_.311601.full.jpg
blah blah, rentboys, blah blah, defecation, blah blah, Mark Oaten is old hat
Don't worry man, we's got Peter Hitchens next door - an he's really full of shit.
Look - being shat on by 2 rent boys didnt cure your baldness.
Increasing the dosage and being shat on by 1000 prisoners is still not going to help.
Either shit or get off the pot, please sir!
"Mr Howard in the next cell asks that you stop shouting what he's thinking - so stop screaming 'oh shit' all the time!"
"Mark Oaten is old hat"
'Old and shat' according to the great man himself, Ralph.
Mind you, if you have an old hat, the picture suggests it would not go amiss for the man who could not 'go' a Miss.
"I told you three times, we don't do a cavity search just for a speeding ticket. Now stop sulking!"
"Just hold it in Mr Oaten. We'll have Lord Levy in with you in a minute."
"That's a bench Mr Oaten. The lavatory's on the other side of the cell."
a bit too salty........do you have a glass of water ?
Now now, Mr, Oaten be a good Gentleman and pull yourself together.
Brutus was allowed out on the early release scheme, but we'll all be behind you now.
OATEN:
I should have been an MEP. They fuck kids in Brussels, no questions asked.
GUARD: That's liberal.
Fortunately you have a single cell till Lord Levy arrives.
And you can drop the shit eating grin as well.....
Here I sit broken hearted.
I paid the boy and he only farted.
I voted to lower the age of consent to 16 you know...
I'm not Oaten's biggest fan but I'm not impressed with the amount of blatent homophobia you're allowing on here Guido.
It wasn't me ,Guv
Officer, please let justanothershark into my cell. Please.
He want's to come and I'm only too happy to oblige.Please.
Officer: "We're going to have to bang you up now sir."
Oaten; "Oooh lovely, I thought you'd never ask!"
Can't I just sit here officer, with my supporters?
You can be ****** *** or you can be ****** but you're not having both at the same time, you depraved bastard.
What do you think this place is, the fucking Lib Dem headquarters!?
It looks like you're well down and truly in the shit this time, Mr. Oaten.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
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