Stick to Shooting Brazilian Electricians
Mrs Fawkes has just emailed this bit of nonsense from London's Police Commissioner Ian Blair. He reckons "People are opening their doors, leaving their doors open now, or leaving them unlocked, certainly, in a way they haven't done for 25 years."What? This year Guido has had three scooters stolen, Mrs Fawkes has had her car broken into and one night someone tried to climb in through the first floor window where she was sat on the sofa watching Big Brother.
Oh, almost forgot, Guido's cycle that replaced the last scooter and so amused readers was nicked last week. Guido got into a fight with the thieving chav kids and despite three CCTV cameras overlooking the scene the police have not got back to me. Maybe if we leave the front door open they will brink it back?
70 comments:
If people are leaving their doors open, then why is it neccessary to kick them in before storming houses and shooting people under the Got A Funny Beard Act 2005?
It may not be the best thing to say in the current political climate, but even mad Islamo-types have the right not to get shot for things they haven't actually done.
BTW, can you reproduce that fantastic picture I saw in the weekend tabloids of Tony B leering at an 18-year-old chavettes arse?
Are you sure that wasnt you climbing in the window pissed and having lost your keys?
What is wrong with you Guido, where is the picture of Tony leering at the Chavettes arse? THIS IS YOUR ROLE IN POLITICS!
Why take the mickey out of one Blair when you can have two?
Hitchens,
Actually that is exactly what she thought was going on until she saw some gangly would-be burglar poking his head in the window. She screamed like a banshee at him he fell back onto the ground and scarpered. She called 999 and was invited to leave a fucking voice-mail.
Flock,
Quite remiss of me.
I am a local councillor in my area. The other day 2 thugs came up to me, called me an Orange bastard and thumped me in the face - this was outside my local police station. I went in to report the incident, which would have been captured on CCTV outside the station, to which the officer told me - "what do you expect as a Unionist councillor?".
It's not only the Met that's a joke.
"someone tried to climb in through the first floor window where she was sat on the sofa watching Big Brother."
A TV critic. He just wanted to change the channel.
"Guido got into a fight with the thieving chav kids" -- Guido, I fear for your safety. Seriously.
Has our venerable and universally admired Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police been tested for taking banned substances recently?
Or was he dining at Dans le Noir last week when Mr Fawkes persuaded him to sign what he thought was his restaurant bill...?
The BBC are running their Have Your Say on this one. Most of it is predictably Daily Mail-esque, but this one was amusing:
Ah! The joys of Haringey! Where Crouchenders phone up the numbers on lost cat posters and scream abuse to heartbroken owners? The shooting of two people on Weston Park in a restaurant? The two attempted buglaries? The assault I experienced for no reason?
Or Seven Sisters possibly? On Xmas eve where my neighbours are held up at gun point outside their house in the afternoon? The bullet through my back window? The crack dealer in my garden being chased by armed police? The half naked screaming girl being chased by two men with knives at 5am on Easter Monday morning? The two muggings I experienced? The girl stabbed in the head for her mobile?
Of course it's safe!
"Still not going to get a TV licence."
"... she was sat on the sofa watching Big Brother."
???
well, guido when you are next in france get yourself around to the local gun shop and buy a rubber bullet gun and some tear gas, keep the rubber bullet gun in france and sneak the tear gas back here.
tasers are also legal in la belle france so you may consider one of those
If you get caught with the taser or gas over here all you will get is a slap on the wrist, far preferable to a knife in either your or mrs fawkes ribs.
the rubber bullet pistols will get you an automatic 5 years (thanks blunkett)so leave them in france
this shop is in calais.
personaly i prefer a shotgun.
http://www.fusil-calais.com/
Softies. My neighbor had a tree stolen from her place, and you don't hear her whining!
Guido, what kind of locks are you using? In any case, my advice is to get an uglier bike and stick a GPS under the fender. The cops are using those to trace stolen cars nowadays, and they work perfectly.
A tree - luxury...my mum had her birdtable and a couple of rose bushes stolen. Blair (Met Chief not PM) is mad and should resign. I'd only leave my front door open or unlocked if I wanted all my stuff stolen.
Isn't there anything we can do to get rid of Blair...he's surely the most incompetent met chief in the history of the met. Londoners...how much confidence do you have in him?
There's nothing wrong with a chav that blunt force trauma around the head with a crowbar wouldn't cure...
"People are opening their doors, leaving their doors open now, or leaving them unlocked, certainly, in a way they haven't done for 25 years."
Pretty wise after that raid in Forest Gate.............leave your doors open or The Sweeney will take then out
Man, I'm going to London, where the open doors are paved in gold!
"...they will brink it back?"
Well if I knew what that meant IO would comment.
Who's surprised. Our glorious comissioner and one man crime buster thinks Police Patrol is what you put in a car to go and get a free takeaway.
We left our doors open when I was young - we had nowt worth stealing.
Does this mean if anyone leaves their door open and Bad People (assuming there still are some in London) walk in and steal things, you can sue Politzeiführer Blair for his misleading advice?
AnyonebutBlair said...
A tree - luxury...
We only had 3 blades of grass and a weed outside where we lived, in a paper bag... till it got taken away by the council cleaners.
"Blair (Met Chief not PM) is mad and should resign."
How about they both resign? They are as bad as each other and both totally incompetent. There must be something in the surname.
I have lived in Walthamstow for the last 19 years without becoming a victim of crime until the last 18 months during which time I have been burgled TWICE!
Ian Blair is a total fool with absolutely no idea whatsoever as to what is actually going on on his patch. He needs to go now.
What do you expect from Labours chief of police. It just shows that he is on a different planet.
To think this man runs the Met.
I see the twat is wearing a rosette.
Any ideas what he won it for?
'Worst copper in history' perhaps?
Actually Commisar Blair is correct. People around my area are now leaving doors unlocked and windows open. This follows a recent incident where an unfortunate young man, quietly going about his nefarious business sustained an injury to his big toe whilst attempting to open a locked door without the benefit of a key.This was compounded when he fell from the hospital trolley whilst undergoing crack cocaine withdrawal. The poor wee robber sucessfully sued on the basis that he was working and therefore protected under the HASAW act.The homeowners in question were found liable on the basis that they had failed to undertake an adequate risk assessment and therefore subsequently failed to foresee the potential injury consequences of fixing a stout lock and a steel plate to their front door.In his summing up the judge branded the homeowners inconsiderate fascist bastards.
graham e 3.38
Many a true word spoken in jest!
You are joking aren't you?
Yeah I'm joking. It was really his little toe but I thought I'd give the story more impact and say big toe.
graham e
Ah, distorting the facts eh?
You sound like an ideal candidate for the comissioners job! :)
Maybe it we rethink 'The war on drugs' then your stuff isn't going to be used to finance the mafia and terrorists anymore, because their 'wares' are then taxed, quality controlled and very much deflated in value all of a sudden?
We will always have a small quantity of people that are 'excentrics' and our current method of dealing with our unfortunates is the most stupid and destructive method that can possibly be followed, it comprehensively hurts everyone it doesn't solve anyone's problem, but it makes our enemies rich(terrorists, gangsters etc).
Guido's scooters are probably financing the AK-47s and other 'real-man toys' our soldiers in Afghanistan get killed at with...
(It isn't only the stuff that is vanishing, but also, the bad stuff that happens with the proceeds. In fact, this is more infuriating than the actual loss for me personally...!)
Robin Hoodie said...
Man, I'm going to London, where the open doors are paved in gold!
1:10 PM
Don't you mean Dick Whittington, as in 'Turn again, Whittington, Lord Mayor of London'? Perhaps you should have used something like "Quick Nicking 'em" as a nom de plume.
As for (Sir???!!! - I do wish HM could unilaterally take away knighthoods from individuals who disgrace the honour) Ian Blair, I sincerely hope that this latest asinine pronouncement is a foot-in-mouth too far.
You wouldn't get me going to London if I can help it, never mind living there.
> London's Police Commissioner Ian Blair > says:s "People are opening their doors, > leaving their doors open now, or
> leaving them unlocked, certainly, in a > way they haven't done for 25 years."
aye, if more folks are leaving their doors open, it's because they don't want to have to pay for the damage caused by Bliar's stormtroopers kicking them in at 6am.
You couldn't make it up. What feckin planet do these people live on.
This reminds me of something that happened around 25 years ago when the London cops actually still caught people going through windows. This character had been a deserter of over 20 years standing, pissed and trying to get back into his own flat in the East End. He thus had no ID and within 24 hours was back in olive green to the delight of the Provost Sgt and his bored underlings (of which I was one at the time) in a guardroom somewhere in darkest Hampshire.
Of course it could never happen to-day.
Is this the same Police Force where one in 3 get a ticking off?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=401505&in_page_id=1770
The punishment, regarded as the 'soft justice' option by critics, is now being used 237,000 times a year - an increase of almost 15 per cent since 2001.
It's New Labour all over - targets met - achieved nothing but high taxes - job done.
Johnny Norfolk said...To think this man runs the Met.3:29 PM
Into the ground at the moment
Well, Northern Line underground train drivers are indeed now leaving their train doors open and waiting for longer at stations such as Camden and, er, Stockwell, just in case there's an armed copper on the platform who might want access.
Seriously, I think the reason why Blair is kept on is that Tone believes that if Sir Ian gets enough flak, the great masses will start to think it was the Met Commisioner who was responsible for NHS waiting lists and the Iraq War.
Send for Mayor Norris.
I left my door open in my old Halls of Residence once. Some bastard ate half of my Pot Noodle. never again.
Apparently that policeman clocked at 159 miles an hour was reacting to a reported burglary.
He was trying to get well away from the area before he was asked to respond!
Is this the same Police Force where one in 3 get a ticking off?
Isn't this the same force that employs a certain Brian Piddick?
I expect he does more than just give a ticking off to the naughty boys on his patch
The police officers who were round my house investigating an open-window facilitated burglary at 3am today seemed to disagree with Sir Ian Blair's home security advice.
I once saw someone knocking on a neighbours door,"he`s not in mate" I told him as I entered my own flat.Maybe not quite so helpful as I later learnt,but chose to keep to myself,that it was almost definately the same person who broke in and ransacked the place shortly afterwards.How was I supposed to know,no stripey jumper,no mask and not a sign of a bag with SWAG written on it.At least with terrorists you know they`re the brown ones with beards.
Cinnamon. If it's wrong to go into other people's houses without permission, why is it ok to go into other people's countries without permission?
At last, a lefty who admits that crime rates were lower decades ago.
Ian - 10.39pm - it's 'cos countries leave their doors open. Let's put two and two together, shall we:
Napoleonic Wars - Everyone left their doors open, but learnt by 1814 to keep them closed.
Poland 1939 - left its (radio transmitter) door open. Germans poured in. Hungary 1956 - left the (revolving) door open...Russians did it over with tanks, big time. Vietnam 1954-75: no bloody doors at all, just holes in the bamboo wall. Open and shut case.
Afghanistan...The Doors were banned by the Taleban.
etc etc
(Is anyone still reading this rubbish?)
dear wmbyrd
no you lost me
could we start a campaign advocating the death penalty for cycle thieves?
Johnny Norfolk said...
What do you expect from Labours chief of police. It just shows that he is on a different planet.
To think this man runs the Met.
He doesn't - Government puppet. I refer you to my post under "A PC Speaks" on GF's The War on Terror v The Open Society post.
Cyclist 12:19 AM
"Could we start a campaign advocating the death penalty for cycle thieves?"
Sure, as long cyclists don't mind being offed for riding on pavements and riding thru' lights at red. Fair exchange, no prob.
"This year Guido has had three scooters stolen,"
Ah Guido, so 'twas you who emailed London Tonight? Unless some other poor unfortunate has also had 3 stolen...
I left my door open in my old Halls of Residence once. Some bastard ate half of my Pot Noodle. never again.
I'm sure the Pot Noodle got it's revenge.
@ian: I think you're trying to pull the convo into an area that isn't really the right space for here. Moreover, you're not considering the wider implications of what I have stated, so to help you: In short, not only British soldiers get shot with weapons that the money buys that kids steal in order to buy drugs whic are sold to them by gangestes and terrorists, but also, the people who get shot are the students of girls' schools in Afghanistan and general Afghanis who happen to not agree with the Taleban.
Legalising heroin will stop making Afghanistan lucrative to keep lawless.
Legalising cannabis will stop Hezbollah selling their hash in the UK. Soapboar is extremely polluted and it is not cannabis, but poisenous and it is costing the health of kids here.
Legalising drugs and channeling them the proper ways (coffee shops, addict clinics etc) will not only save people's health, but also fill the coffers of the taxman and keep the criminals out of the loop. It will free an enormous amount of police time and it will mean that we can close the majority of our jails.
Will it solve the fact that people steal when they can and think they'll get away with it? Not really, because it just is human nature and our communities are too large and thus too annonymous to be trustworthy, but, it will happen a lot less and, it will go a very long way towards breaking the long chain of misery that spans this planet across many countries.
Anonymous said...
I left my door open in my old Halls of Residence once. Some bastard ate half of my Pot Noodle. never again
That's how they described it before Peter Tatchell started.............what bits of social history Guido's site provides
Anonymous Orange councillor 10.33 way up top there -
Was it Inigo Wilson and Guido who mugged you?
Bing
No, although there was a whiff of cordite about the muggers in question!
The man is a complete and utter prat.
Commissar B-lair is showing himself to be the apparatchik that he is, devoid and divorced from reality and understanding.
This is what you get when you allow an administrator to command.
So no difference then from the rest of Westminsters' shambles and
chaos.
Stick to Shooting Brazilian Electricians
He was an illegal after all............and as for "electrician" he had no training and no Part-P certification..............and he was on coke.
Blair thinks we have 570.000 illegals - so we can reckon he's 33% truthful - time to send out bounty hunters for the rest
London is now safe enough to leave your front door open!?!?!
Symptomatic of everything this useless government has been coming out with for years – complete bollocks and every sane person knows it.
Can you imagine what this country will be like if they win the next election? Truly frightening =:-(
I took his advice and left my door unlocked.
The door was stolen.
Blair is an overpromoted disciple of political correctness..he does not know the first thing of being a copper. He has never arrested anything bigger than a drunk! and has never given evidence at the Old Bailey or Crown Courts. The man, as an earlier correspondent wrote, is a twat!
Proof that graduates do not make good coppers they have no bloody common sense..Hence the fact that all chief officers and most middle management have degrees in subjects which are of zero use for catching thieves. BUT of course with all these prats in charge catching thieves is not a priority of the police.
Get the bigger picture guys. The door Blair is referring to is the door to Britain which his equally useless namesake has ensured is permanently open to every criminally minded freeloader on earth.
Conspiracy theory time again.Was it really the Police who shot him? Better for Blair(The Cop)to take the flak than for the Government to be seen to be panicking enough to have Special Service troops on the streets of London.Last I heard the Met heavy mob trained with the SAS but the big difference was they were taught to disable,not to kill(Gibralter anyone?)as "The Good Guys Wear Black" by Steve Collins will confirm.
So,what`s going on in Britain right now,a guy I know purely as a long-term contributor to what I`ll call a "hobby" site because the bloke`s crapping himself told of seeing someone shot in cold blood a couple of days ago in Preston by the occupants of a black van Police had let through a cordon,just an ordinary person shocked and traumatised by something he saw that should have made the national news.Here`s part of what he said:
no , not my scene ,
i,m not very happy at the moment , feeling a bit shaken/shocked
shocked by what the armed police did,
are they allowed to do that?
and to have a morge van following them???
and get away with it?
the guy was not armed , or holding anything , no hostages etc ,
lets see what the "coverup" is in the news/paper tommorrow
not very happy ,,
moko,
keep taking the tablets. I do hope your novel gets published. I look forward to seeing you top of the fiction charts.
Personally, I always order my farrier to leave the stable doors wide open. Makes the horses much happier.
Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling (Bt.)
strapworld said...
moko,
keep taking the tablets. I do hope your novel gets published. I look forward to seeing you top of the fiction charts.
3:08 PM
The Red pill or the Blue pill is always a dilemma,and I`ll dedicate my first novel to you,"For the encouragement that made it possible".
He has never arrested anything bigger than a drunk!
He didn't arrest Euan - it was in Leicester Square and he didn't have his collar on - noone could identify the drunk in the gutter
A family menaced by thugs phone the Met every day for 5 weeks with not even a visit to take a statement despite the same animals having cut the guy`s face with a knife in a previous attack...that`s disgraceful.The same guy gets shot dead.....that`s time for someone to take responsibility and resign.
Is it even worth bothering reporting crimes to the useless bunch of bastards previously known as the police force...er...sorry..I meant police "service". No fucker gets punished, innocent people get hurt, and all those lame-arse wankers do is sit with their thumbs up their arses and claim "lessons have been learnt". Such as: knives+in+people = bad? Well bravo.
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