If You Go Down to the Lords Today...
If you go down to the Lords today,You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the Lords today,
You'd better go in disguise.
For every Lord that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the Lordships claim their allowances.
My thanks to a very diligent co-conspirator who not only found the fabled whereabouts of the Lords' Queue, but sent a map too. The legendary Lords' queue is where they get their day (and overnight) allowance. The sight of all those Noble Lords queuing every day to claim their allowances, having spent precious little time in the Lords Chamber and even less time contributing to Lords debate is truly something to behold. Even without fiddling their expenses they can make £150 a day just for joining the queue - and many do just that.
The noble Lords queue up once a day in the evening at their Fees Office (administered by Black Rod) near the Pugin Room on the 'red benches' side of the Palace of Westminster. An MP or a Commons researcher with a Category 10 Pass could legitimately encounter the Noble Queue by taking a short cut from the Pugin Room through the Lords Library corridor back to Commons territory. Guido would like a picture of that queue - this is a covert mission, surreptitious use of the camera-phone will be required. In return for undertaking this risky mission there will be a prize of a copy of bestselling The Bumper Book of Government Waste* to the person who first emails or texts Guido the picture.
Don't forget to nominate politicians with their "snouts in the trough" to : Pork Busting, giving the name of the politician and the reason. Guido is compiling from the emails a list of politicians with their snouts deep in the public trough and will then organise a readers poll to find our piggiest politician.
*Prize courtesy of publisher Stephen Eckett at www.harriman-house.com
35 comments:
Tonies Cronies annual dividend!
"by taking a short cut from the Pugin Room through the Lords Library corridor back to Commons territory"
Err that's not a short cut - that's called walking in the opposite direction to the Commons. I'd go for your scouts map reading badge again, Guido. No wonder you failed to blow the palace up all those years ago :)
Doh! "taking a short-cut" is what you are supposed to tell the Serjent-at-Arms when explaining what you are doing in the wrong place with a camera-phone pointed at scrounging work dodging freeloading peers...
I nominate the bearded butt fucker of the closit.
To make things a bit clearer, take a left out of the Pugin Room along the Library Corridor. At the end of the corridor are toilets and lifts - good things to be aiming for if anyone asks you where you're going. Pretend to either be heading upstairs to the Committee Corridor, or down to the Royal Court.
If Guido's indications are accurate, the Queue can be found near the Peers Offices / Lord Chancellor's Department rooms.
Sounds like a job for Otis and the boys.
I'm a bit confused about why you're going after Members of the House of Lords in such a manner. They're only wanting their few grand a year for doing their job - all audited and reported.
What is this compared to the millions and millions of public money that is given in dodgy contracts, or the bungs for access, or even the vast numbers of brown envelopes that are passed to councillors for making the right planning decision?
I agree it's not ideal and I for one would prefer an elected chamber. But under the current regime would you rather that the lords were paid nothing? Making sure it was essential that you were independently wealthy to sit in the upper chamber, rather than just very probable?
How much does Cherie cost us ? Whats the betting she gets elevated when 'he' finally goes. Although she might feel that it is a step down from 'First Lady'
Bet kinnock is there everyday
the ginger haired twat
Confused,
Not YET more snivelling politico's. Make the second chamber a randomocracy with a 2 year term, so noone can get too corrupted!
Red Tamarin - you work in Parliament, and you seem to know what you're looking for - off you go ;)
But I agree with the person who can't understand why you're targeting Peers - have you seen how much the average MP costs the taxpayer these days?
What do I get for taking a picture of all the researchers taking a photo of all the lords?
Some peers go to lunch (subsidised booze prices) pick up toddle off down to the fees office and then off back home.
MPs have to win votes and deal with constituents at least.
It is a racket for some of 'em.
Off topic I know, but have you all sean the reaction Tony had to his desperate plea in the Guardian today?
I particularly enjoyed this from Briantist:
"First I was afraid, I was petrified Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face Go on now go walk out the doorjust turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with YOUR LIES? It took all the strength I had not to fall apart kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart and I spent oh so many nightsjust feeling sorry for myself I used to cry Now I hold my head up high I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you and so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free"
Go to CiF to see some true lefty venom. I don't think they like him very much.
You could also claim to be going to Printed Paper office, cut across Prince's Lobby and watch how many of them actually do leave immediately afterwards...
Lord claiming excessive allowances???
Well I guess it's the price (£££) of democracy!
Toaster,
The CiF people don't like Tony B because he enabled the Iraqi people to vote for their government (The ONLY thing I agreed with him on). It's a pity he had to lie (as usual) to do it.
The House of Lords - the only place where the Government can actually be held account. Such a waste of time obviously
Er
Why do they have to queue up for their cash like the peons on some South American rubber plantation? Most companies manage to run their payrolls on computers nowadays.
Oh, yeah! Forgot. This is the government. They probably couldn't even get an off-the-shelf payroll package to work for less than twenty billion. And it would only work in twenty years time. When it's raining and there's an X in the month.
RM
This is the government. They probably couldn't even get an off-the-shelf payroll package to work for less than twenty billion. And it would only work in twenty years time. When it's raining and there's an X in the month.
You have no idea how modern buisness works do you?
The Government give out a contract to a contractor to build a system for £5 billion in two years. It ends up costing £20 billion, but takes 5 years to be delivered.
Now usually you'd expect the Government to be going ape at this point. But CEO of this company is forward thinking, and has donated a £5 million loan to the Party in power, for which he recieves a knighthood - so it's smiles all around ...
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michael: I find it hard to take your survey seriously when you clearly don't know what the words 'off topic' and/or 'comment spam' mean.
Oh, don't be a meanie. It's not for profit ferchrissakes. And it's an authentic University of Texas site. And it's a pretty dull comment, so it MUST be for real.
Back on-topic, do the Lords have to punch a timecard? That would be a Photoshop just begging to exist, don't you think? As he left the office each day, John Kennedy Junior used to sing, "I'm bringing home the bacon, I'm a working man." Poor deluded soul. But we forgive him cuz he was so purty.
Arlington ? Now if it was Austin that would be okay as the women are atreactive but Arlington is too near D/FW Airport and definitely geographically undesirable.
This whole topic is a load of rubbish. Such a queue does not exist. Noble Lords get their allowances once a month direct into their bank account for all the days they have attended and claimed for in the previous month.
That is how they are paid, not how they make their claims.
They make their claims at the end of the month - not daily!
People are so touchy it must be that time of the month!
Whitecrow,
I thought that's what I said. All you've done is insert a middleman who hands out envelopes full of money.
RM
RM,
Yeah but it's little details like "company donates funds to New Labour" which makes it all crystal clear why the Government tolerates all this fiasco! ;-)
Any MP going from the Commons restaurant area to party HQs in Smith Square, Millbank, Cowley Street, or going to DEFRA can legitimately take a short cut through the Lords corridors to exit via Black Rod's garden. And the nearest gents' loo to the Pugin Room is by the Bishop' Bar in the Lords (a bit of a trek if one is caught short !) In addition, the Lords Tea Room admits non-peers. So there are plenty of excuses to take a peek !
Yet there is nothing to peek at!
I'm tempted to ask what make of biscuits da prince's guide dog prefers..any fule kno that individual Lords have the option of claiming their expenses daily or monthly. Since there are currently over 9000 individual claims per year (up from only 4938 in 1997/8 - wonder why ?) it is easy to see how a queue develops on days when the House is sitting. The sum total claimed was £9,541,000 in 1998/9, which has substantially increased since (the change to resource-accounting rather than cash-accounting has rather obscured the actual figures: another example of the Law Of Unintended Consequences !) More can be found by keying "Peers Reimbursement Allowance Scheme" into Google; the references I have are HL Paper 153 and Appendix F to the main report, but others may do better. (I must confess to not being an accountant myself, so a posting from a Google-literate accountant might be helpful at this point.) There is clearly a lot of money washing / slushing round, and the daily queue is probably just the tip of the iceberg - my contribution to "worst mixed metaphor of the day" !
All nonsense: Lords members apply for their "expenses" on a claim form at the end of each month and it's put in their accounts. There's never a need to queue. What a loopy article.
Where does that form go?
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